welcome to the funny fair where life is perfect all the time and nothing is what it seems because seemingly, we've lost our minds. DANGER DANGER!!
Can't you tell im in a mood? ah but often time enough the most interesting posts come when one is in that such mood.... See i'm sitting in english class right now... third period in the dreary school surroundings... that just so happen have otherwise created a great day. However it is now that my mind seems to escape these bruly grey walls that encase my body and demand my attention. Though my sould will NOT go down!
We're supposed to be editing our videos for the media project i told you about. Only i forgot that we were editing today so i left all the film at home aswell as my laptop. Besides that project i have nothing to do so im left with a computer and my thoughts.... oh dear how they underestimate me!!! hahahaha. Honestly though my brain shut off quite a while ago, no matter i continue on with my ranting and ravings... Its more fun this way.
Over the werkend i discovered the phenomenon of the century, something totally awesome. Something magical. If you haven't caught on to the many hints ive left through out the post so far. This was: A very potter musical and a Very potter sequel. I laughed and laughed and laughed. spending the entire weekend with a pillow shover to my chest to try to snuff out the chreicking of hilarity, or rolling on my floor attempting not to pee myself. I've fallen in love with hermione granger, the girl that is malfoy, the zach efron loving dumbledore, and harry, oh the every dumb harry, and the ron who never stops eating. Also the captain hook that is snape and all the other remarkably wonderful characters. Most of all though i applaud Prof. Quarrel and voldemort. (who spoke the wuote that is the title) These two actors kept me on my toes awaiting the next witty remark and wonderful experessions of awesome. Whoever said that evil can't love and look hot clearly has never met this version of voldemort who honestly... just wants to dance. And between his bromance with quarrel and his plans to take over the world he chose his love for the man that supported him through all those tough years. I wasn't sure if i was meant to laugh or to cry at their touching duet titled "you and me".
I've also made plans for a full harry potter marathon with sarah on the 12th of nov. followed the next weekend by a trip to the theatre to watch the 7th, part I. I can't wait!!! i absolutely can't!!
Also this weekend at sarahs on friday we watched the latest episode of supernatural which was encredibly dissapointing... though perfectly terrifying in the traditional supernatural way! it was named two and a half men which adde to the joke that dean has become a baby daddy.... see the entire event the episode revolves around is killer transforming babies!!!! i know scary... i really dont think that woung children and scary/horror should mix.... its just sooo wrong and violent. Usually.
But no matter we watched and we THOUGHT AT EACH OTHER!! you'd laugh if you saw it! And most of all we cowered every time a baby was brought into the shot sure that at any moment the baby would turn into a flesh eating monster that will attempt tp eat our beloved characters' face off!!!! GAHA
I await next friday in which the episode brings back the ever elusive castiel!! YAYS CAS!! And i can't seem to figure out when they'll bring chuck back now that (as the watcher) we are pretty certain he is God. :P making an incredible character completely beyond belief cool. Ha prophet i dont think so he's tooo kick ass!!!!
ohhhhh my goood CHUCK!!! i dont really know what else to add..... I'm honestly just really bored now.... OH i have soemthing i could talk about. I've decided that i haven't been keeping good enough touch with a lot of my old friends so im reviving the dying art that is letter writing.... no typing it up and printing... oh no, it will be written by hand and hopefull they will do the same so that we can have at one oint a plathora of letters back and forth. With electronics these days we've really lost touch with the individuality that honest writing used to have. I want to bring that back, not only just to keep ourselves in one anothers life but also to be aware of how sometimes you just have to sit down and really use the physicality to make something trully personal... For instance; True literature can only really exist on the physical plaine.
Tata for now.
Jen
Monday, October 4, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
How i became a real person
Today, i got my papers declaring that i am now indeed my own individual. which rocks. but the adventure in getting them involved a lot of waiting.... i mean a lot. they say the patient are rewarded. all i got was wet.
So as i am about to inform you (if you dont already know) we are hours away from hitting the ottawa record for the most rain since 1942. Mom picked me up during 3rd period and we went to licoln fields mall to get our papers. it started out not too bad, we got misted, but apart we were relitively dry. We waited in line for nearly an hour, then had to wait to get the papers and even then it was an extremely lengthy proccess. After sarching that mall up and down we realised that the oc transpo place wasn't there. Though we did find a really cool cheap dress place that i WILL be going back to. We than looked in more malls desperate to find the oc transpo place. Finally (after several explinations that its at licoln fields satation, mom decides to ask the star bucks employee, and he instructed us to GO TO LICOLN FIELDS STATION! We then walked all the way to the station. By this point my old shoes are sopping wet and i feel liek a drowned rat. Only once arriving we found out that we were going to have to wait for nearly 2 hours because there was a line for several meters out the door. now nearing 4.30 we wait in like next to this guy and his cousin, they turned out to be a lot of fun to talk to so it wasn't that bad. Finally I got my picture taken though it wasn't really that great. and we walked back to the car. By this point i have given up on staying dry and if weren't for tap tap i would have died from boredom. So that is how i became a person, albeit a wet one. (procceeding my return home i went straight to the bath and soaked) Oh well i did get teriaki, so that's good.
Besides that the only thing relitively new with me is that i was elected grade 9/10 concert band representative in the music council, and i've gotten two very interesting projects. The first is in history. I have to make a file folder (like a medic) about a soldier in the first world war (based on a real canadian soldier's file at that time) and describe all of the ailements and how to treat them.
The second is an english media project. We had to pick our favourite poems and create a video about them. I decided to use leisure (the first poem incuded in my last post) and the video should be wuite fascinating, if it turns ou thte way im imagining it in my head. I might post it. depending how it turns out.
Jen.
So as i am about to inform you (if you dont already know) we are hours away from hitting the ottawa record for the most rain since 1942. Mom picked me up during 3rd period and we went to licoln fields mall to get our papers. it started out not too bad, we got misted, but apart we were relitively dry. We waited in line for nearly an hour, then had to wait to get the papers and even then it was an extremely lengthy proccess. After sarching that mall up and down we realised that the oc transpo place wasn't there. Though we did find a really cool cheap dress place that i WILL be going back to. We than looked in more malls desperate to find the oc transpo place. Finally (after several explinations that its at licoln fields satation, mom decides to ask the star bucks employee, and he instructed us to GO TO LICOLN FIELDS STATION! We then walked all the way to the station. By this point my old shoes are sopping wet and i feel liek a drowned rat. Only once arriving we found out that we were going to have to wait for nearly 2 hours because there was a line for several meters out the door. now nearing 4.30 we wait in like next to this guy and his cousin, they turned out to be a lot of fun to talk to so it wasn't that bad. Finally I got my picture taken though it wasn't really that great. and we walked back to the car. By this point i have given up on staying dry and if weren't for tap tap i would have died from boredom. So that is how i became a person, albeit a wet one. (procceeding my return home i went straight to the bath and soaked) Oh well i did get teriaki, so that's good.
Besides that the only thing relitively new with me is that i was elected grade 9/10 concert band representative in the music council, and i've gotten two very interesting projects. The first is in history. I have to make a file folder (like a medic) about a soldier in the first world war (based on a real canadian soldier's file at that time) and describe all of the ailements and how to treat them.
The second is an english media project. We had to pick our favourite poems and create a video about them. I decided to use leisure (the first poem incuded in my last post) and the video should be wuite fascinating, if it turns ou thte way im imagining it in my head. I might post it. depending how it turns out.
Jen.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Poems about life and death
Leisure by: william henry davies
What is this life if, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
and stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
and watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
enrich that smile he eyes began.
A poor life this is, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
the depths this poem reaches, the reality that it brings us is the truth. life is so glorious, so beautiful, and yet by caring about life me miss out on it. Our heads are so filled with idealistic worries and complaints that we forget to see the good parts. We ignore whats right in front of our faces and in doing that we loose the oppertunity to be trully happy. Therefore by wasting energyworrying about happiness we loose it. Ironic how most of us just pass life by without realy living. We're all so scared of death but most of us are already there. If you aren't living life then what are you? Sometimes we must all just take the time to enjoy life and its wonders. We must all stop and stare because if we don't then our lives aren't really worth living. In today's society there's so much stress that we forget why we're stressing at all. We work to make a life happy and good, but then we work so much that we couldn't possibly arrive there. William Henry Davies had it right. And beauty should be personified because beauty is alive. It lives on inside all of us, we just have to look around with optimistic eyes. Though that may not be easy to do, it is necessary.
Emma i want you specifically to listen to this because i know that lately you've been feeling really low. We had to do poetry analysis for a media project in class and this really touched me and the severity of the true ringing of each word struck me like a bell. And i hope that it manages to reach you too because you have to start living again. You can't keep wollowing in "what ifs" or "whys" or "just maybes" because if you keep it up one day soon you'll wake up and just realized how much time you've wasted, how much of life you've missed, and you can never get those precious minutes back. I love you so much so i want you to read this all ver carefully twice, three times over minimum. But these messages go for anyone. you can all feel the sincerity in your hearts and your souls.
The balance between life and death are so fragile. We never know when our time will come, so we have to make the most of everything. My cat was very ill today, i feared for his life, and recently found out that one of my friends could have died this summer. People die every day. Car accidentals, freak collisions, fires, random events that none of us can control, whipe our loves ones from this earth. But we must all keep living because only then can they live on. They live on in our memories, and they live on through nature, but we have to live on because if we waste away more than one person will have died that day.
Peacefully,
Jen.
Grieve not by: mary frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep:
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain.
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I amhe morning hush.
I am the graceful rush
of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the star shine of the night.
I am the flowers tat bloom.
I am in a quiet room.
I am the brids that sing.
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry`:
I am not there. I did not die.
What is this life if, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
and stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
and watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
enrich that smile he eyes began.
A poor life this is, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
the depths this poem reaches, the reality that it brings us is the truth. life is so glorious, so beautiful, and yet by caring about life me miss out on it. Our heads are so filled with idealistic worries and complaints that we forget to see the good parts. We ignore whats right in front of our faces and in doing that we loose the oppertunity to be trully happy. Therefore by wasting energyworrying about happiness we loose it. Ironic how most of us just pass life by without realy living. We're all so scared of death but most of us are already there. If you aren't living life then what are you? Sometimes we must all just take the time to enjoy life and its wonders. We must all stop and stare because if we don't then our lives aren't really worth living. In today's society there's so much stress that we forget why we're stressing at all. We work to make a life happy and good, but then we work so much that we couldn't possibly arrive there. William Henry Davies had it right. And beauty should be personified because beauty is alive. It lives on inside all of us, we just have to look around with optimistic eyes. Though that may not be easy to do, it is necessary.
Emma i want you specifically to listen to this because i know that lately you've been feeling really low. We had to do poetry analysis for a media project in class and this really touched me and the severity of the true ringing of each word struck me like a bell. And i hope that it manages to reach you too because you have to start living again. You can't keep wollowing in "what ifs" or "whys" or "just maybes" because if you keep it up one day soon you'll wake up and just realized how much time you've wasted, how much of life you've missed, and you can never get those precious minutes back. I love you so much so i want you to read this all ver carefully twice, three times over minimum. But these messages go for anyone. you can all feel the sincerity in your hearts and your souls.
The balance between life and death are so fragile. We never know when our time will come, so we have to make the most of everything. My cat was very ill today, i feared for his life, and recently found out that one of my friends could have died this summer. People die every day. Car accidentals, freak collisions, fires, random events that none of us can control, whipe our loves ones from this earth. But we must all keep living because only then can they live on. They live on in our memories, and they live on through nature, but we have to live on because if we waste away more than one person will have died that day.
Peacefully,
Jen.
Grieve not by: mary frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep:
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain.
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I amhe morning hush.
I am the graceful rush
of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the star shine of the night.
I am the flowers tat bloom.
I am in a quiet room.
I am the brids that sing.
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry`:
I am not there. I did not die.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Forcibly forced to post.
Dear readers, i've been forcibly demanded that i post by my dearest friend emma, so here it goes:
to be honest i don't have all that much to account. I've decided i want to start blogging more, but without copy and paste i find that difficult because i have to spell check and because most of the time i just don't have internet. But hey I plan on at least giving it a try.
So i promised myself that I'm going to finish writing the final copy of my book by the end of the month (week preferably) because ever since school started i've been too busy to go to work let alone write. So everything's just gone on the back burning, at least all that i can't bring to school. My "free time" between classes and during lunch i usually spend writing my short story, which im sorry i can't tell you about at all. So if i finally finish writing i can edit in those times instead. I only have 2 scenes to go, so it shouldn't be too difficult. But i relaized that if i don't do it now i never will because if schools busy now, i can't imagine what it'll be like later on.
As for school, its been busy as every only now i've also started band, jazz, choir, diversity club, and tutoring. So by the time i get home im so burnt out i just want to eat and sleep. I haven't even had time to READ in the past 3 weels, which is saying a significant amount considering who your reading about.
I've fallen in love with history, even though its in french and my first period class. High school history is nothing like elementary crap. Those teachers are forced into it because they are homeroom teachers. In high school it isn't like that because the teachers actually liek the subject so they teach it in a much more interesting manner. I'm actually considering taking world history next year instead of french... i probably will if i can ask mr rogers.
In math i'm sitting at the "smart person" table and have unanimously been elected leader though i can't imagine why(S*). I'm acctually partially teaching the class in partnership with mr czudner. Not quite, but pretty damn close. I'm tutoring people at my table too so usually i don't do my own work... or what i do do makes me so bored out of my mind i wonder why im in this class at all... and the resonse of course is, because i can't skip a grade and do the harder courses. what poo. but thats what you get for being the eternal seniors at the highschool.
In english we're doing poetry and its actually incredible. i'm totally kicking ass though once more im not that surprised. Though i have realized i don't really enjoy paraphrasing in analysis.
Finally music. I've actually improved conserderably and the class has turned out incredibly hilarious. With everyone in grade 10 music shoved into one class its like putting all the best friends and clans of geeks together... hence MASSIVE party. And we actually sound really good. And we ended up scaring the shit out of the grade 9's because well first we made them think they were crazy by doing all sorts of weird things at cue's they never could figure out, and then when they asked us about it we proceeded with a "what do you mean, i have no idea what you're talking about" mood. and then we showed them the difficulty of the music. Which for us is actually considerably easier than what we're playing in class.
Apart from school and my novel i don't have much to say. that has pretty much taken over my life. My mom bought herself a laptop, i need new headphones preferably skull candy ones, and i went to see easy A with Cori and Sarah. OH and sarah i have discovered has the most incredible stuffed animal collection. Including a perry the platypus that makes platypi sounds and an owl that screeches and is complete with a swiveling head.
OH and pickles got a harry potter music book for flute and whilst we were playing the hedwig theme we recieved a round of applause. and we felt sooo cool :P
Finally we got our yearbooks, only 4 months late, nonethe less they are awesome, though not hand drawn which dissapointed me, they are fanciful and well made.
Jen
to be honest i don't have all that much to account. I've decided i want to start blogging more, but without copy and paste i find that difficult because i have to spell check and because most of the time i just don't have internet. But hey I plan on at least giving it a try.
So i promised myself that I'm going to finish writing the final copy of my book by the end of the month (week preferably) because ever since school started i've been too busy to go to work let alone write. So everything's just gone on the back burning, at least all that i can't bring to school. My "free time" between classes and during lunch i usually spend writing my short story, which im sorry i can't tell you about at all. So if i finally finish writing i can edit in those times instead. I only have 2 scenes to go, so it shouldn't be too difficult. But i relaized that if i don't do it now i never will because if schools busy now, i can't imagine what it'll be like later on.
As for school, its been busy as every only now i've also started band, jazz, choir, diversity club, and tutoring. So by the time i get home im so burnt out i just want to eat and sleep. I haven't even had time to READ in the past 3 weels, which is saying a significant amount considering who your reading about.
I've fallen in love with history, even though its in french and my first period class. High school history is nothing like elementary crap. Those teachers are forced into it because they are homeroom teachers. In high school it isn't like that because the teachers actually liek the subject so they teach it in a much more interesting manner. I'm actually considering taking world history next year instead of french... i probably will if i can ask mr rogers.
In math i'm sitting at the "smart person" table and have unanimously been elected leader though i can't imagine why(S*). I'm acctually partially teaching the class in partnership with mr czudner. Not quite, but pretty damn close. I'm tutoring people at my table too so usually i don't do my own work... or what i do do makes me so bored out of my mind i wonder why im in this class at all... and the resonse of course is, because i can't skip a grade and do the harder courses. what poo. but thats what you get for being the eternal seniors at the highschool.
In english we're doing poetry and its actually incredible. i'm totally kicking ass though once more im not that surprised. Though i have realized i don't really enjoy paraphrasing in analysis.
Finally music. I've actually improved conserderably and the class has turned out incredibly hilarious. With everyone in grade 10 music shoved into one class its like putting all the best friends and clans of geeks together... hence MASSIVE party. And we actually sound really good. And we ended up scaring the shit out of the grade 9's because well first we made them think they were crazy by doing all sorts of weird things at cue's they never could figure out, and then when they asked us about it we proceeded with a "what do you mean, i have no idea what you're talking about" mood. and then we showed them the difficulty of the music. Which for us is actually considerably easier than what we're playing in class.
Apart from school and my novel i don't have much to say. that has pretty much taken over my life. My mom bought herself a laptop, i need new headphones preferably skull candy ones, and i went to see easy A with Cori and Sarah. OH and sarah i have discovered has the most incredible stuffed animal collection. Including a perry the platypus that makes platypi sounds and an owl that screeches and is complete with a swiveling head.
OH and pickles got a harry potter music book for flute and whilst we were playing the hedwig theme we recieved a round of applause. and we felt sooo cool :P
Finally we got our yearbooks, only 4 months late, nonethe less they are awesome, though not hand drawn which dissapointed me, they are fanciful and well made.
Jen
Thursday, September 9, 2010
hit by a bus and forced to do the delta theorem!
So turns out life moves pretty quickly if you let it...
remember when i disccussed how life was like highways and sometime there was heavy traffic and others you zoomed by at 400 miles an hour.... when i'm have the race of my life right now, or so it would seem.
Since last posting... which is shockingly a lot farther back then i remember, i have camped with gramama for 2 weeks, rode 20 miles a day, went swimming, hung out with erin, got attemptedly converted to jehova witness, worked, worked, painted, worked, had dinner with duckman matt sue and jim like old times, got officially ditched by my ex best friend, participated in the charity weekend, solved family drama at our anual corn roast chez dominiques, and ummmm OH nearly finished my book. I am literally like 3 pages away from finishing... I'll probably finish saturday or sunday....
So busy.
OH not to mention school.
So i went on the first to pick out my locker, turns out i actually got the ideal one. third from the close end in the main hall (opposed to last year's last on the far end of the never-to-be-used hall.) And i'm surrounded by my school friends.
Then on the first day of school i started my oh so "wonderful" grade ten year.
My classes follow as such:
1. History (in french) with Mme Lelou (-.-)
2. Math with mr czudner (awesome)
3. English with Mrs Mendham (awesome)
4. music with mrs godrey (meh)
And everything's been extremely busy. It's been constant work, ive been going to bed at like 9 every night even though i usually go to bed at 11, just because i'm so tired, and i haven't had time to do anything since classes have started. I have gone to school, worked, come home, worked, and eaten and slept. and repeat. honest to god. The only like i did anything out of pattern was today when it was gone to school, worked, gone to dentist, writhed in pain, gone to orthodontist, writhed in more pain, gone home, writhed in pain, slept. frig skip the fucking eating :P its do PHYSICALLY possible at this point.
How on earth i'm going to play flute tomorrow i have no idea seeing how i can barely move my mouth let alone actually make the proper ombersure. I have a feeling that my participation in class disscussions tomorrow is going to be extremely slim.
I have more to say but to be honest, I'm too tired. This is the first week of school and already i feel like i've been hit by a bus and then forced to do the delta therum. and i'm good at math!
Jen
PS I redyed my hair so now its epic! electric blue for the win!
remember when i disccussed how life was like highways and sometime there was heavy traffic and others you zoomed by at 400 miles an hour.... when i'm have the race of my life right now, or so it would seem.
Since last posting... which is shockingly a lot farther back then i remember, i have camped with gramama for 2 weeks, rode 20 miles a day, went swimming, hung out with erin, got attemptedly converted to jehova witness, worked, worked, painted, worked, had dinner with duckman matt sue and jim like old times, got officially ditched by my ex best friend, participated in the charity weekend, solved family drama at our anual corn roast chez dominiques, and ummmm OH nearly finished my book. I am literally like 3 pages away from finishing... I'll probably finish saturday or sunday....
So busy.
OH not to mention school.
So i went on the first to pick out my locker, turns out i actually got the ideal one. third from the close end in the main hall (opposed to last year's last on the far end of the never-to-be-used hall.) And i'm surrounded by my school friends.
Then on the first day of school i started my oh so "wonderful" grade ten year.
My classes follow as such:
1. History (in french) with Mme Lelou (-.-)
2. Math with mr czudner (awesome)
3. English with Mrs Mendham (awesome)
4. music with mrs godrey (meh)
And everything's been extremely busy. It's been constant work, ive been going to bed at like 9 every night even though i usually go to bed at 11, just because i'm so tired, and i haven't had time to do anything since classes have started. I have gone to school, worked, come home, worked, and eaten and slept. and repeat. honest to god. The only like i did anything out of pattern was today when it was gone to school, worked, gone to dentist, writhed in pain, gone to orthodontist, writhed in more pain, gone home, writhed in pain, slept. frig skip the fucking eating :P its do PHYSICALLY possible at this point.
How on earth i'm going to play flute tomorrow i have no idea seeing how i can barely move my mouth let alone actually make the proper ombersure. I have a feeling that my participation in class disscussions tomorrow is going to be extremely slim.
I have more to say but to be honest, I'm too tired. This is the first week of school and already i feel like i've been hit by a bus and then forced to do the delta therum. and i'm good at math!
Jen
PS I redyed my hair so now its epic! electric blue for the win!
Friday, August 6, 2010
OH! short note, i forgot to mention my mom cancelled, so we didnt in fact go to the cottage,, much to my dismay. Also i forgot to mention in the last post the rest of the trip with emma.
When i first got there we headed, with her family, to the park to play soft ball. and you've by now realized my detestation of all things sport, so i kind of failed miserably. Though i did manage to hit the ball a few times, so i thank mrs adams from preventing my total humiliation. It was actually sort of fun though. Then emma kicked one of the soft balls and spreigned her foot.... we then walked to her house and i got changed ( because i was never in formed that we were actually going to be the ones PLAYING i hadnt worn proper attire). then we went back this time with our writings. We then sat in the grass somewhat watching the game but mostly writing.
Then when we returned we watched early degrassi episodes (I've finally caught 100% up WOOT) and I read a bit of Vampire academy (which i ended up finishing in like an hour). Then we had our chocolate chip hunt. baked the cookies and slept.
The next day we walked to emma's work and i was surprised. it wasn't at all what i expected. First we did some tag removing in a dark closet. Then we did envelopping, which was actually unexpectantly long. We basically did that the rest of the day. for a while we went and had lunch, then we went upstairs for emma's doctors apointment ( because of her foot injury). It was interesting. Also there was a huge rain storm (AGAIN)) so my mom picked me up. it was a lot of fun though and was probably worth the sore arm i had the next day. I missed emma a lot so it was great that we could hang out again.
Other news. Yesturday i went to Linda's to visit my cousins one last time. Then i had to say bye for another year to Cynthia, Maeve, Quinn, and Ila May. It was great to see them though.
So i head off to gramama's for our camping trip today, so i have barely any internet access for the next 2 weeks. So i probably won't blog till i get back, and then i have the charity weekend right after that.... jeesh summer's almost over. By the time i get back its the 23rd. which is ethan and i's 2 month aniversary (is that an aniversary? or just a mark?) ... then i have the mars watch on the 27th, and then i have styks high due in the 31st and then i have to pick my locker the first and then its school. wow...
Time flies,
Jen
When i first got there we headed, with her family, to the park to play soft ball. and you've by now realized my detestation of all things sport, so i kind of failed miserably. Though i did manage to hit the ball a few times, so i thank mrs adams from preventing my total humiliation. It was actually sort of fun though. Then emma kicked one of the soft balls and spreigned her foot.... we then walked to her house and i got changed ( because i was never in formed that we were actually going to be the ones PLAYING i hadnt worn proper attire). then we went back this time with our writings. We then sat in the grass somewhat watching the game but mostly writing.
Then when we returned we watched early degrassi episodes (I've finally caught 100% up WOOT) and I read a bit of Vampire academy (which i ended up finishing in like an hour). Then we had our chocolate chip hunt. baked the cookies and slept.
The next day we walked to emma's work and i was surprised. it wasn't at all what i expected. First we did some tag removing in a dark closet. Then we did envelopping, which was actually unexpectantly long. We basically did that the rest of the day. for a while we went and had lunch, then we went upstairs for emma's doctors apointment ( because of her foot injury). It was interesting. Also there was a huge rain storm (AGAIN)) so my mom picked me up. it was a lot of fun though and was probably worth the sore arm i had the next day. I missed emma a lot so it was great that we could hang out again.
Other news. Yesturday i went to Linda's to visit my cousins one last time. Then i had to say bye for another year to Cynthia, Maeve, Quinn, and Ila May. It was great to see them though.
So i head off to gramama's for our camping trip today, so i have barely any internet access for the next 2 weeks. So i probably won't blog till i get back, and then i have the charity weekend right after that.... jeesh summer's almost over. By the time i get back its the 23rd. which is ethan and i's 2 month aniversary (is that an aniversary? or just a mark?) ... then i have the mars watch on the 27th, and then i have styks high due in the 31st and then i have to pick my locker the first and then its school. wow...
Time flies,
Jen
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Hurricane
Hurricane in ottawa, and we were in it. We biked for hours in the cold and the wet, we slid, we fell, we were attacked. We trecked accross parking lots, deserts, tundras and forests, store after store we searched. We cried, we laughed, we continued on. Pushing boundries in roaring winds, hail, and storms. We walked until we bled, and finally; we got our chocolate chips!
Okay so maybe i exagerated a little, but it would make an interesting story. Back to reality, I'll tell you the real story.
I was over at emma's celebrating my release from house arrest. When she says "i feel like making cookies." I replied with "mmmmm chocolate chip..." As we are exiting the kitchen to find a recipe her sister Kera asks " does anyone have money to buy chocolate chips with. i feel liek cookies". After the initial hysterical laughter, we went on a money hunt and managed to get enough together.
As kera goes on a search for a recipe in her Foods book, Emma and I look online. Soon enough we discovered the perfect recipe. and Emma and I prepare to get the chocolate chips. One thing we forgot to take in account was 1. that it was raining like crazy, and 2. its a holiday so the stores would be closed.
Okay so maybe i exagerated a little, but it would make an interesting story. Back to reality, I'll tell you the real story.
I was over at emma's celebrating my release from house arrest. When she says "i feel like making cookies." I replied with "mmmmm chocolate chip..." As we are exiting the kitchen to find a recipe her sister Kera asks " does anyone have money to buy chocolate chips with. i feel liek cookies". After the initial hysterical laughter, we went on a money hunt and managed to get enough together.
As kera goes on a search for a recipe in her Foods book, Emma and I look online. Soon enough we discovered the perfect recipe. and Emma and I prepare to get the chocolate chips. One thing we forgot to take in account was 1. that it was raining like crazy, and 2. its a holiday so the stores would be closed.
I didn't have a bike due to the distance, i took the bus, so now we had to bike to the store. I took emma's bike and she her sisters. She kept falling because it was too big, and i was having issues because its too big. Then We came to the realisation that emma doesnt really know her right and left. After a while we switched bikes. and kera's bike hated me. i mean im pretty sure it was trying to murder me. It ripped all the skin off one of my shins and killed like crazy.
So now we are soaked and cold and my hairs poofing like the sixties are back. We go to store after store. adter store. back and forth. Farmboy toblockbusters to on the go to pharmaplus etc etc. So then we tied the bikes up and farmboy and conttinued on. looking and looking. Finally we realized that metro is open. We ran over and finally found our chocolate chips!!! We then returned to the bikes (which i got attacked from because they jumped out and broke my knees, not really but ouch) and then we biked home.
WE then made incredibly delicious cookies and enjoyed the rest of the night... that is after we cleaned our wounds :P
Jen
PS: Mars watch this month. its the closest its gotten in 60,000 years!!! august 27th it should appear the size of the moon!
Friday, July 30, 2010
released from the cage.
This will be a somewhat short post. I'm heading off to the cottage today, can't wait. I love summer so much, mostly because of the cottage, and since we sold ours 3 years ago we've been heading up to the lake less and less. This year we wouldnt have gone at all because we reccently sold my grandmothers' cottage as well. But due to my encounter with my coiusins Laura and Kelly they invited me over for the big bash at the lake this weekend. Of course i had to bug my mom until she agreed it might be fun even if we will have to stay in a tent. Rick and chris will also be up and they're practically family. I just can't wait :P I can finally forget that i'm on house arrest. And what a way to celebrate my release than a party au chalet.
Okay so my explination of why this post was going to be short ended up being the entire post.... oh well.
Jen.
Ps i've been really addicted lately to soaps, like Gossip Girl, and digrassi. i know they're awful, but once you start watching them you fall right into it, and you're always like "i hope this happens" "NO don't be stupid" "FINALLY someone made a good descision" because though you know that its all scripted to cause problems you still want the characters to do what you'd do, even if later you realised that had you been in that scenario you probably would have done the same thing. So basically i guess the show entices people to be hypocrites. It's still fun though so i'll let myself be judgemental just this once (S*).*
* The symbol for sarcasm in writen works (S*).
PPS i've decided that im going to work on my posture more because since wattching gossip girl i noticed that all the elite girls had perfect posture. And im not doing that to seem elite PLEASE, im doing it because then in reality you see people slouching and it just looks so much better when they have good posture. Besides, its better for your back.
Okay so my explination of why this post was going to be short ended up being the entire post.... oh well.
Jen.
Ps i've been really addicted lately to soaps, like Gossip Girl, and digrassi. i know they're awful, but once you start watching them you fall right into it, and you're always like "i hope this happens" "NO don't be stupid" "FINALLY someone made a good descision" because though you know that its all scripted to cause problems you still want the characters to do what you'd do, even if later you realised that had you been in that scenario you probably would have done the same thing. So basically i guess the show entices people to be hypocrites. It's still fun though so i'll let myself be judgemental just this once (S*).*
* The symbol for sarcasm in writen works (S*).
PPS i've decided that im going to work on my posture more because since wattching gossip girl i noticed that all the elite girls had perfect posture. And im not doing that to seem elite PLEASE, im doing it because then in reality you see people slouching and it just looks so much better when they have good posture. Besides, its better for your back.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Broken Dish Theorem
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or missinformed beholder a black eye. - Miss Piggy.
I share this quote to you for 2 reasons.
Firstly my quote of the day is by miss piggy! how awesome is that??!
Secondly the first part of that quote is actually somewhat relevant to my discussion topic of the day.
(i sound so fancy when i say discussion topic of the day, the reality im really thinking something more along the lines of "this is what im going to be complaining about for the next few paragraphs, good luck and feel free to add your complaints in the comments " :P)]
Okay so 2 things of importance to talk about, I'll begin with the part actually relevant to the quote.
Beauty lies in the eye of its beholder. I don't know who said it, but damn did they ever have it right. Our perception of people dependsd solely of what we think of them at the time. Someone who is usually your best friend can drive you up the wall just on your mood set. Though it is rare that i get angry at my friends because i believe i have better things to be mad at then the people who care about me. So anyways it has come to my attention the very length your mind will go to disguise someone to your liking. Tricking yourself into thinking they're better than that. Now it may not be just my own brain because (for instance jordan) sometimes when you're going out they seem nice and sweet because they too care, then once things take a turn for the worst its all madusa heads and charmiron attacks. Not only that though, but your mind will block out the annoying traits of that person until someone else brings them to your attention (which i call the broken plate theory, because its like your plate version of that person was just shattered by the relevation that they are no longer perfect). Which is essentially what, naturally, we are trying to prove. On the anthropological state we are run by instinct, and part of that instinct is to find a healthy strong, essentially perfect mate. It's a primal accord that is programmed into our brains since homosapiens became a race.
With the broken dish theory in mind, I keep wondering what Ethan's faults are. Currently i can't find any because i am pre-shattering faze, but soon enough they will be brought to my attention, and im just pondering what they could be. It cannot be the way he speaks because i love his voice, and the way that he lilts his vowels and rolls his G's. Nor his clumsiness because i adore the way he's lanky without being scraggly and thin, he still has pressence. I digress, i can't find his fault, i suppose that's why its the Pre-shattered faze.
I miss ethan. I do. And i can't wait for him to get back. I majorly need a boyfriend hug right now because though i love you emmie, you dont cut it. sorry. He's probably having so much fun. I'm sort of jealous. He'll come back with lots of stories to tell. He got to travel see new things. The only thing i did was go to niagra, with is liek 5 hours away, and well, was a trip i detested. I suppose that's what you get for staying with your kin....
I can't remember my second topic anymore.... i know it had something to do with Tv shows and how it seems that now when you dont watch TV for a week it takes 2 full days to catch up. That may be just me but.....
If i end up remembering ill add it to a further post.
Jen.
I share this quote to you for 2 reasons.
Firstly my quote of the day is by miss piggy! how awesome is that??!
Secondly the first part of that quote is actually somewhat relevant to my discussion topic of the day.
(i sound so fancy when i say discussion topic of the day, the reality im really thinking something more along the lines of "this is what im going to be complaining about for the next few paragraphs, good luck and feel free to add your complaints in the comments " :P)]
Okay so 2 things of importance to talk about, I'll begin with the part actually relevant to the quote.
Beauty lies in the eye of its beholder. I don't know who said it, but damn did they ever have it right. Our perception of people dependsd solely of what we think of them at the time. Someone who is usually your best friend can drive you up the wall just on your mood set. Though it is rare that i get angry at my friends because i believe i have better things to be mad at then the people who care about me. So anyways it has come to my attention the very length your mind will go to disguise someone to your liking. Tricking yourself into thinking they're better than that. Now it may not be just my own brain because (for instance jordan) sometimes when you're going out they seem nice and sweet because they too care, then once things take a turn for the worst its all madusa heads and charmiron attacks. Not only that though, but your mind will block out the annoying traits of that person until someone else brings them to your attention (which i call the broken plate theory, because its like your plate version of that person was just shattered by the relevation that they are no longer perfect). Which is essentially what, naturally, we are trying to prove. On the anthropological state we are run by instinct, and part of that instinct is to find a healthy strong, essentially perfect mate. It's a primal accord that is programmed into our brains since homosapiens became a race.
With the broken dish theory in mind, I keep wondering what Ethan's faults are. Currently i can't find any because i am pre-shattering faze, but soon enough they will be brought to my attention, and im just pondering what they could be. It cannot be the way he speaks because i love his voice, and the way that he lilts his vowels and rolls his G's. Nor his clumsiness because i adore the way he's lanky without being scraggly and thin, he still has pressence. I digress, i can't find his fault, i suppose that's why its the Pre-shattered faze.
I miss ethan. I do. And i can't wait for him to get back. I majorly need a boyfriend hug right now because though i love you emmie, you dont cut it. sorry. He's probably having so much fun. I'm sort of jealous. He'll come back with lots of stories to tell. He got to travel see new things. The only thing i did was go to niagra, with is liek 5 hours away, and well, was a trip i detested. I suppose that's what you get for staying with your kin....
I can't remember my second topic anymore.... i know it had something to do with Tv shows and how it seems that now when you dont watch TV for a week it takes 2 full days to catch up. That may be just me but.....
If i end up remembering ill add it to a further post.
Jen.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The inevitable.
A few weeks ago when i last posted the largest thing on my mind was my trip. Now i just can't seem to remember its importance. That's the thing about memories and concepts, even opinions. Sometimes something seems like the biggest thing in the world and then once something bigger comes along you can't even seem to remeber why you cared. This has been my most recent revelation. Though i suppose most others' have realized it somewhat before it still intrigues me. Just how ones perception of a memory can alter through time, and you forget details of events that seemed life shattering before hand. However it's only natural. It is part of the human way to live and forget and to change to ones new views. No matter how frightnening the emotions fade, and then we repeat our mistakes, because we have forgotten the consequences. It is said tht History repeats itself because we don't learn from our mistakes. I dissagree. I believe history repeats itself because we keep forgetting the reason behind that set message. We keep forgetting the minor details. we forget certain things, like the sorrow and the suffering, and then though we learnt that lesson, we forgot why it was relevant. Its not that we can't learn from our mistakes, its that we often forget why we had to learnt them in the first place.
Recently i've had to make a huge descition. one that probably will effect the rest of my life. I can only hope that it was the right one because i fear there is no going back. I know that in 20, 30, 40 years from now, im going to look back on this descition and see just how much it changed who i became. Changed the descisions i will make in my future, for better or for worse.
Not too long ago I went through a lot of tough times at home. That is what ispired me to begin blogging. What happened was very repetitional. My mom would get angry, send me to my dads, then i would become his source of anxiety release, and he would scream and me and throw tantrums, and drink, and get more angry, and then get sad, and then blame every bad mistake made in his life on me. Then he too would kick me out. or vice versa. then i would go to Leah's, and jim and sure would take care of me, until one day when my mom decided she wanted me back. I always told myself that i would never go back, that this was the final straw but the moment i had a chance i would jump right back into her arms. This lead to many years of depression and self loathing. then for a while it got really great. My parents and i rarely fought, and though my dad still rants uncontralably and brings my moral down sinificantly he rarely throws tatrums. And as i matured, i got better at dealing with these set problems. I joined yoga, and i found wicca. I descovered myself, lost that blanket of insecurity, got new friends and discovered my passion for reading and writing. However i forgot why i learnt to calm myself. I forgot why i never get angry anymore, i forgot why i suppress my emotions, and i forgot to do so. Thus my mom one day snapped. Out of nowhere we were fighting again. so much so worse than before. Because i forgot to not talk, because i forgot that with my parents i dont have an opinion, i forgot that i never argue no matter how much i want to.
Friday the 16th my mother threw me out. Again.
I went to my father's and it was dark and cold and empty because he wasn't home, like usual. I missed my friends, and Ethan, and i cried a lot. And i told myself that i wouldn't go home. I wouldnt, and i couldnt live at my fathers' because there he always ignores me and i become a non existant ghost, wafting through life, forgetting its meaning. I dont live when im there. So i would ask Sue and Jim, my figurative adoptive parents if we could stop pretending. I was tired, so tired that i decided i would ask them if they could adopt me. I had made up my mind. Come monday morning i would pack up all my stuff and move out for good. I was tired of the un necessary bullshit. That's why i hate drama so much, why make problems when there arent any? Problems aren't fun, they only lead to sadness. My mom daunting as always decided to give another "'last chance" and for a while i said no. All the while wishing for my mom to just leave me alone because i final realized she must hate me, thats the only explination for all these arguments, for all this supression. And i honestly told her, i told her, this is my last time. I was done. Had she stopped calling right there i probably would have gone to move in with Jim and Sue. I wanted to so badly. They always make me feel special and loved, and they make me proud, and they always encourage my accomplishments and are honestly interested in what i am, im not just a nuiscance to them. God they care about me and i love them for it. They really are my extra parents, and im lucky to have them. But my mom was stuborn as always,, and she persisted and persisted. She wouldnt stop calling and i almost just let the phone ring. But then she came over. and she sat there are talked to me up the staircase and said how sorry she was. Lot that did me. So i ended up caving. and you know it wasn't that i'd miss my mother, or that i'd miss my dad, not even close. I felt selfish with the thoughts that passed through my mind, but how could i help it, my parents really dont care about me. So all i could think was my room, god im going to miss that, it was like my little piece of paradise, and i'd hate to leave it. and my bed, i love my bed. and my furniture, i worked so hard and making everyhting perfect for me. And now it would all be gone and i'd have to put up with Leah's room. because it would never me mine. It would always be hers. I'd never really have a space again until i moved on my own. So i missed my stuff. how superficial. But what really made my descision, my descision to finally come back was my sister. i felt so guilty leaving her with them. I know that it sounds all sweet, but it really isnt, she's their angel and she could do no wrong. I guess if i left they might start noticing some of her faults... i dunno i just wanted to keep her from that critisism as much as possible. Because shes the age now, that i was when my parents started to really hate me. or atleast to show it. I didn't want that to happen to her. atleast not yet. She doesn't learn as fast as i do, she might get herself in worse trouble than i did.
So in the end i went back and i've been on house arrest ever since. No computer, no phone, no friends, no outings, nothing. i missed a backstage concert at bluesfest, parties like crazy, and sleepovers with friends. and i only realized how much i missed today when i finally got to talk to people again. I missed so much that i've just spent the entire day trying to catch up. I'm still not.
But don't think that it was the fact that i missed 2 weeks of my grade 9 summer that made this change the rest of my life. No, I'm not that naive, though im a teenager. No. This changed my life because now, now it's starting again. I've realised that i like having an opiniion. I basically spent the entire 2 weeks at work because i didnt have naything else to do. And there i could finally let go, and when i had a difference of opinion i didn't have to keep it in, i could let it out. and instead of yelling we'd have a calm debate about it. Arguments dont give me anything as per "youre wring im right" i just dont see that way, Jim and Sue get that, and with a debate you can process the thoughts clearly, and often times enough i do realise that i in fact am wrong. Im obviously not perfect and i dont think i do. But with that i have a feeling that next time i get kicked out, and it is when not if, im probably not coming back. I think i may discuss this with Jim and Sue but, i dont think i can keep myself a statue anymore...... Am i a bad person that i dont think i'd miss my parents at all? I guess its just time to wait i guess because really now that we're arguing again.... it is inevitable.
Recently i've had to make a huge descition. one that probably will effect the rest of my life. I can only hope that it was the right one because i fear there is no going back. I know that in 20, 30, 40 years from now, im going to look back on this descition and see just how much it changed who i became. Changed the descisions i will make in my future, for better or for worse.
Not too long ago I went through a lot of tough times at home. That is what ispired me to begin blogging. What happened was very repetitional. My mom would get angry, send me to my dads, then i would become his source of anxiety release, and he would scream and me and throw tantrums, and drink, and get more angry, and then get sad, and then blame every bad mistake made in his life on me. Then he too would kick me out. or vice versa. then i would go to Leah's, and jim and sure would take care of me, until one day when my mom decided she wanted me back. I always told myself that i would never go back, that this was the final straw but the moment i had a chance i would jump right back into her arms. This lead to many years of depression and self loathing. then for a while it got really great. My parents and i rarely fought, and though my dad still rants uncontralably and brings my moral down sinificantly he rarely throws tatrums. And as i matured, i got better at dealing with these set problems. I joined yoga, and i found wicca. I descovered myself, lost that blanket of insecurity, got new friends and discovered my passion for reading and writing. However i forgot why i learnt to calm myself. I forgot why i never get angry anymore, i forgot why i suppress my emotions, and i forgot to do so. Thus my mom one day snapped. Out of nowhere we were fighting again. so much so worse than before. Because i forgot to not talk, because i forgot that with my parents i dont have an opinion, i forgot that i never argue no matter how much i want to.
Friday the 16th my mother threw me out. Again.
I went to my father's and it was dark and cold and empty because he wasn't home, like usual. I missed my friends, and Ethan, and i cried a lot. And i told myself that i wouldn't go home. I wouldnt, and i couldnt live at my fathers' because there he always ignores me and i become a non existant ghost, wafting through life, forgetting its meaning. I dont live when im there. So i would ask Sue and Jim, my figurative adoptive parents if we could stop pretending. I was tired, so tired that i decided i would ask them if they could adopt me. I had made up my mind. Come monday morning i would pack up all my stuff and move out for good. I was tired of the un necessary bullshit. That's why i hate drama so much, why make problems when there arent any? Problems aren't fun, they only lead to sadness. My mom daunting as always decided to give another "'last chance" and for a while i said no. All the while wishing for my mom to just leave me alone because i final realized she must hate me, thats the only explination for all these arguments, for all this supression. And i honestly told her, i told her, this is my last time. I was done. Had she stopped calling right there i probably would have gone to move in with Jim and Sue. I wanted to so badly. They always make me feel special and loved, and they make me proud, and they always encourage my accomplishments and are honestly interested in what i am, im not just a nuiscance to them. God they care about me and i love them for it. They really are my extra parents, and im lucky to have them. But my mom was stuborn as always,, and she persisted and persisted. She wouldnt stop calling and i almost just let the phone ring. But then she came over. and she sat there are talked to me up the staircase and said how sorry she was. Lot that did me. So i ended up caving. and you know it wasn't that i'd miss my mother, or that i'd miss my dad, not even close. I felt selfish with the thoughts that passed through my mind, but how could i help it, my parents really dont care about me. So all i could think was my room, god im going to miss that, it was like my little piece of paradise, and i'd hate to leave it. and my bed, i love my bed. and my furniture, i worked so hard and making everyhting perfect for me. And now it would all be gone and i'd have to put up with Leah's room. because it would never me mine. It would always be hers. I'd never really have a space again until i moved on my own. So i missed my stuff. how superficial. But what really made my descision, my descision to finally come back was my sister. i felt so guilty leaving her with them. I know that it sounds all sweet, but it really isnt, she's their angel and she could do no wrong. I guess if i left they might start noticing some of her faults... i dunno i just wanted to keep her from that critisism as much as possible. Because shes the age now, that i was when my parents started to really hate me. or atleast to show it. I didn't want that to happen to her. atleast not yet. She doesn't learn as fast as i do, she might get herself in worse trouble than i did.
So in the end i went back and i've been on house arrest ever since. No computer, no phone, no friends, no outings, nothing. i missed a backstage concert at bluesfest, parties like crazy, and sleepovers with friends. and i only realized how much i missed today when i finally got to talk to people again. I missed so much that i've just spent the entire day trying to catch up. I'm still not.
But don't think that it was the fact that i missed 2 weeks of my grade 9 summer that made this change the rest of my life. No, I'm not that naive, though im a teenager. No. This changed my life because now, now it's starting again. I've realised that i like having an opiniion. I basically spent the entire 2 weeks at work because i didnt have naything else to do. And there i could finally let go, and when i had a difference of opinion i didn't have to keep it in, i could let it out. and instead of yelling we'd have a calm debate about it. Arguments dont give me anything as per "youre wring im right" i just dont see that way, Jim and Sue get that, and with a debate you can process the thoughts clearly, and often times enough i do realise that i in fact am wrong. Im obviously not perfect and i dont think i do. But with that i have a feeling that next time i get kicked out, and it is when not if, im probably not coming back. I think i may discuss this with Jim and Sue but, i dont think i can keep myself a statue anymore...... Am i a bad person that i dont think i'd miss my parents at all? I guess its just time to wait i guess because really now that we're arguing again.... it is inevitable.
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