okay well to tell you this story i have to start ALL the way at the begining. So i was supposeed to have a sleepover with schwa and emma @ schwa's house on friday night at 5 pm but then emma told me saturday, so schwa corrected me that it was friday, then the plan changed and it was supposed to be at emma's house Same time. so very confusing all together i thoughht friday after school 5 pm @ emma's house right? WRONG!! but i didnt figure that out till later. So anyways i figure out the bus plan with emma last night, then today i head to the bus stop end up going on the wring street so then i have to go back and now i think im going to miss the bus so i rush. finally at the stop i figure out i have to wait for 20 minutes. greaaatt..... so the bus comes and i get on and some douche spills coke on me. now everything i do gets me even more wet. so im looking for the stop. she told to get off at the church. thing is i have no friken clue where the effing church is!!! so i just get off at the stop after slack. and walk and walk and walk and walk alone wet and cold. no im kinda gettting peaved cause i cant find her and its like UGH!! so the entire im thinking next time we meet somewhere i know. So at the merivale mall i circle for hours okay well minutes but it seemed like hours from my perspective. now its getting dark so i enter the merivale mall again. looking around for ever i find i pay phone i use my last .50 calling schwa's cell phone, she didnt pick up. i then circle for a bit more. then i go BACK to the mall and try to find a store that i can use a phone book and a phone. so finally i find a chiropractic office that looks like it has a nice lady. so she was, she gave me the phone and looked up emma's number. so i called and turns out schwa was babysitting her cousins that night and emma was at her grandmothers house. geet guys thanks for telling me! : so anyways andrew ( emmas step dad) said that he would come and drive me home, thank god. so the INSTANT i walk through the door the phone is ringing i answer and its erin. So guess what? good thing of the night erin's here. we're going to have a sleepover.... wonder what my mom will say when she gets home and im supposed to be gone but instead im here WITH someone :P
anyways byes
Gothgirlxox
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
having a mental breakdown
im sorry, i refuse to go into details but basically im freaking out, i have been freaking out and crying and spazzing for hours, because no matter what i do this week, nothing goes right. im a faillure and pathetic. and well truth speaks that im and idiot. so. here i sit completly stressed out and i STILL have a cold. :(
im tired, im really tired of crying.
Make it stop
Gothgirlxox
im tired, im really tired of crying.
Make it stop
Gothgirlxox
Sunday, October 18, 2009
a moment in time
you know what i'm going to stop apoligizing for not posting in a while. i have a life, im trying to get a scholarship, im writing a book (which by the way in coming along VERY slowly), and i have so much friend drama its not even funny.
So ill start with friends. I miss my court, i miss schwa, and emma, and banana, but mostly i miss them all together. We used to laugh every day and i could always count on them, i always knew that if i was having a hrad time they would be there waiting for me. i always knew they could make it seem alright. I learned a lot from them, but a year just isnt enough time for great friends like that, and even though it seems like way longer than a year, in reality it isnt. So i miss them, oh you have no idea. Now if im having a hard time and i come to school in need of a hug or reasurance, i rarely get either. The people i hang out with now have no much more drama and issues in their lives that my problems seem petty in comparison. Still doesnt mean i dont want a hug, just lately i've yet to get a hug and have been only giving them. Thank god this weekend im having a sleepover with the court. We need to catch up so bad! I have a feeling it'll be slightly awkward though because they are all in the same classes and they still all hang out and talk and laugh and now im not in any of the jokes. i have a feeling this friendship is going to fizzle out fast no matter how much we dont want it too. its just too hard having long distance friends. I already have experience with brook in the area. So i guess eventually ill give up trying to keep this friendship alive, ill come to realize its too much work dealing with troubled teens all the time and ill just be known as the geeky girl that doesnt socialize and has no friends. lol. though in the past week at some point i hung out with the not as popular popular kids.... which reminds me i still need to create a new persons chart*. Anyways so i hung out with them and they were actually nice to me, like some of the gave me looks but once we were talking it didnt really matter. and Sierra and Emily are nice to me, though probably only because im dating justin and they're friends but come on they could hate me like everyone else. oh and i think that most of the popular pain in my asses are at mericale this year, albeit not all but most.
Then there comes the subject of people in general. Lately they've just really bugged me, the more i hang around people the less and less i want to. i just keep on finding things wrong with peoples, finding things wrong with their personnalities and then that's all i notice about them, nd i know that's bad but how can i help that i mean really? So even the nicest of people the kindest of hearts, are all getting on my nerves. Sadly the more i get to know people the more and more likely i am of getting anoyed by them, except for that select few that for some reason outside of my understanding, they don't. Like justin, athina, emma, kelsey, leah... like yes they do get on my nerves,yes i do notice their flaws, but they are just so much more muted that most. Less in your face want to slap you typed thing.
As for the rest of my life, not much is going on. Anthony has gotten anoying because of his ever constantly talking shadow Daniel. Wherever athony goes as does daniel and i have to say most anoying person in my life right now has to be the people that never shut up *coughdanielcough* So my teachers are good, projects good, homework good. I do have to work evermuch harder to get straight A's but at the moment i think im succeeding honor role. yays me. Now again i have been working my ass off but as soon as this semester is over the next is an easy pass. I mean English ffshh, Art umm hello can anyone say easy?, gym everyone knows is an easy pass as long as you try hard, and math. now most people are like AHH math im going to flunk but coem on im not everyone am i, besides im gifted in math. So if i get through this, the rest of the year i can breezy by.
Now my book.... uh, well least i can say is its a slow time. but face it its been two months and im just not motified, i used to go through books daily and its taken me more than a week to read the first book of vampire diaries, and face it no way should it take Me that long. So trying harder now to get back into my scholarly ways i do admit that im having difficulties. Though i do beleive that once im into the rythm of it once more it'll go more more smoothly now that i know everything thats going to happen and the way that i want everything to play out. no excuxses anymore.
GothGirlxox
* What i mean about the personality chart is that before i had a theory that everyone could be classed and i know that i hate titles and all but if the titles are true then how is that biassed. So because origanily in my skepticism i thought there was only the popular bitches, the druggies, the freaks, the nice geeks, and the douche geeks and that was it. those were the only options. So now i realize that people , even within those sketchy guidelines were more complicated. so i have to re-do the chart implicating the much more elaborate part of the populars.
So ill start with friends. I miss my court, i miss schwa, and emma, and banana, but mostly i miss them all together. We used to laugh every day and i could always count on them, i always knew that if i was having a hrad time they would be there waiting for me. i always knew they could make it seem alright. I learned a lot from them, but a year just isnt enough time for great friends like that, and even though it seems like way longer than a year, in reality it isnt. So i miss them, oh you have no idea. Now if im having a hard time and i come to school in need of a hug or reasurance, i rarely get either. The people i hang out with now have no much more drama and issues in their lives that my problems seem petty in comparison. Still doesnt mean i dont want a hug, just lately i've yet to get a hug and have been only giving them. Thank god this weekend im having a sleepover with the court. We need to catch up so bad! I have a feeling it'll be slightly awkward though because they are all in the same classes and they still all hang out and talk and laugh and now im not in any of the jokes. i have a feeling this friendship is going to fizzle out fast no matter how much we dont want it too. its just too hard having long distance friends. I already have experience with brook in the area. So i guess eventually ill give up trying to keep this friendship alive, ill come to realize its too much work dealing with troubled teens all the time and ill just be known as the geeky girl that doesnt socialize and has no friends. lol. though in the past week at some point i hung out with the not as popular popular kids.... which reminds me i still need to create a new persons chart*. Anyways so i hung out with them and they were actually nice to me, like some of the gave me looks but once we were talking it didnt really matter. and Sierra and Emily are nice to me, though probably only because im dating justin and they're friends but come on they could hate me like everyone else. oh and i think that most of the popular pain in my asses are at mericale this year, albeit not all but most.
Then there comes the subject of people in general. Lately they've just really bugged me, the more i hang around people the less and less i want to. i just keep on finding things wrong with peoples, finding things wrong with their personnalities and then that's all i notice about them, nd i know that's bad but how can i help that i mean really? So even the nicest of people the kindest of hearts, are all getting on my nerves. Sadly the more i get to know people the more and more likely i am of getting anoyed by them, except for that select few that for some reason outside of my understanding, they don't. Like justin, athina, emma, kelsey, leah... like yes they do get on my nerves,yes i do notice their flaws, but they are just so much more muted that most. Less in your face want to slap you typed thing.
As for the rest of my life, not much is going on. Anthony has gotten anoying because of his ever constantly talking shadow Daniel. Wherever athony goes as does daniel and i have to say most anoying person in my life right now has to be the people that never shut up *coughdanielcough* So my teachers are good, projects good, homework good. I do have to work evermuch harder to get straight A's but at the moment i think im succeeding honor role. yays me. Now again i have been working my ass off but as soon as this semester is over the next is an easy pass. I mean English ffshh, Art umm hello can anyone say easy?, gym everyone knows is an easy pass as long as you try hard, and math. now most people are like AHH math im going to flunk but coem on im not everyone am i, besides im gifted in math. So if i get through this, the rest of the year i can breezy by.
Now my book.... uh, well least i can say is its a slow time. but face it its been two months and im just not motified, i used to go through books daily and its taken me more than a week to read the first book of vampire diaries, and face it no way should it take Me that long. So trying harder now to get back into my scholarly ways i do admit that im having difficulties. Though i do beleive that once im into the rythm of it once more it'll go more more smoothly now that i know everything thats going to happen and the way that i want everything to play out. no excuxses anymore.
GothGirlxox
* What i mean about the personality chart is that before i had a theory that everyone could be classed and i know that i hate titles and all but if the titles are true then how is that biassed. So because origanily in my skepticism i thought there was only the popular bitches, the druggies, the freaks, the nice geeks, and the douche geeks and that was it. those were the only options. So now i realize that people , even within those sketchy guidelines were more complicated. so i have to re-do the chart implicating the much more elaborate part of the populars.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
... untitled
Hello everybody. again sorry i havent posted in a while, i went to the first art club meeting and it was really fun, though i now have homework. i have to make signs for china month at our school for the diversity club. and IN diversity club im trying to get into the gay, straight union, meeting in downtown ottawa, it sounds like fun. I havent watched tv in nearly a week. ive made 85 $ at work and im still really busy. I just got my braces tightened so my teeth are kind of in pain though not as bad as i expected. lol. After the appointment, i hung out with justin at riocan in our usually rainy enclave ( the sement patch) and it was fun, then we saw Tina Megan Jessica, thomas, chris, amy etc ( my old friends from grade 7) and it was kinda awkward. Because justin is friends with them NOW it made it even more awkward because they thought i was dating a justin but not THAT justin. besides megan was like glarring at me the entire time. but her and chris are still together so to that i say congratz, it has to have been after a year now. anyways tine was like IM SO stalking you!! and it was funny because this is the second time. so we said hi and stuff then went back to hanging out JJ time, and it was still fun. at that point in time my teeth didnt hurt.
Yesturday was our thanksgiving dinner even if thanksgiving is next week. and we went to lindas anf i got a headache from the screaming kids. and actually wished i were doing my homework. now this is the point that justin if you read this you have to stop and skip this paragraoh and PROMIS not to read it until after march 29 2010! ~okay so i was so bored i wrote him a letter, and when i got back i decided to start a JJ scrapbook. ive had a scrapbook and set for a while now and i just never found a use for it, until now. i know we'll make it to a year, so i thought 6 months to a year recorded in scrapbook form its perfecct. i can keep all the movie tickets and jokes and other stuff recorded there and at one year ill give it to justin so he can remember all our good times. besides whever we're close to a break up, or if im sad or mad and i cant remember the good times ill just look there. so that the scene when he was camping will never be repeated. though i think a similar argument will happen near the end of this year.... im planning on cutting my hair really short, like mme herfst, and dying some of the ends lime green. not much but just enough to be like BOOM! lol. so i dont think he'll like the fact that ill have shorter hair than him. thus making a problem. but im sure we;ll get over it.
OKAY JUSTIN YOU CAN READ NOW!!!........ actually i dont really have all that much to say.to tell you the truth there isnt that much drama with me anymore, i dont hang out with them at lunch even if we are friends. sometimes ill sit with Anthony and stuff but again jsut friends. and then the fact that im happy and good... well that isnt drama.. like i do know about the drama plaguing my friends but you know what i dont really care its just the exact same thing over and over again. in diffrent forms. Right now i have a cold so that TOTALLY sucks. i feel lik shit! and i think i might have to miss the movie on sunday and the sleepover with erin even though i really want to go. im like dying. i have a headache a runny nose, eyes are wattering, my hair is gross and i should probably wash it but im too tired, and my throat feels like its been coated with moose excrements! :S:( i hate colds. anyways. im going to take a nap g'night
Sybil xox
Yesturday was our thanksgiving dinner even if thanksgiving is next week. and we went to lindas anf i got a headache from the screaming kids. and actually wished i were doing my homework. now this is the point that justin if you read this you have to stop and skip this paragraoh and PROMIS not to read it until after march 29 2010! ~okay so i was so bored i wrote him a letter, and when i got back i decided to start a JJ scrapbook. ive had a scrapbook and set for a while now and i just never found a use for it, until now. i know we'll make it to a year, so i thought 6 months to a year recorded in scrapbook form its perfecct. i can keep all the movie tickets and jokes and other stuff recorded there and at one year ill give it to justin so he can remember all our good times. besides whever we're close to a break up, or if im sad or mad and i cant remember the good times ill just look there. so that the scene when he was camping will never be repeated. though i think a similar argument will happen near the end of this year.... im planning on cutting my hair really short, like mme herfst, and dying some of the ends lime green. not much but just enough to be like BOOM! lol. so i dont think he'll like the fact that ill have shorter hair than him. thus making a problem. but im sure we;ll get over it.
OKAY JUSTIN YOU CAN READ NOW!!!........ actually i dont really have all that much to say.to tell you the truth there isnt that much drama with me anymore, i dont hang out with them at lunch even if we are friends. sometimes ill sit with Anthony and stuff but again jsut friends. and then the fact that im happy and good... well that isnt drama.. like i do know about the drama plaguing my friends but you know what i dont really care its just the exact same thing over and over again. in diffrent forms. Right now i have a cold so that TOTALLY sucks. i feel lik shit! and i think i might have to miss the movie on sunday and the sleepover with erin even though i really want to go. im like dying. i have a headache a runny nose, eyes are wattering, my hair is gross and i should probably wash it but im too tired, and my throat feels like its been coated with moose excrements! :S:( i hate colds. anyways. im going to take a nap g'night
Sybil xox
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