The Now

Dear readers, i apoligize for not posting in some time. But I've realised some things... for starters that life cannot be lived on the internet or cooped up at home. I've discovered the importance or actually socializing. It's a strange thing admitting. I've been alive for 15 years and i've only just figured out the point of life. Granted i must have known at some point previous. Though not consiously admitted it. Also that others may not ever come to this conclusion. Anyways back to the point. I haven't been posting because life can't be written down in a series of entries because none of them do them justice. I've been typing away my life but honestly not really saying anything at all. And i spend so much time writing about the past that i haven't been living the present. On top of that I've just come to know that some experiences are better left to ones self. And other's no one really cares about. I could tell you about every little moment in my life that come a month later I won't even recall. Or i could just inform you of the important information and actually be saying something worthwhile.

This said i have been living life, I've been hanging out with friends and not just on the internet and i can't even begin to touch those concepts here..... the experiences can't properly be put into words. I could type for hours and meet no end because if a picture is a thousand words than an experience is uncountable.

In this realisation I've been participating in more and more things so as to enjoy the most that i can in the time i have. I've been going to assemblies and laughing with friends, joining clubs and having a blast in them, i've been trying to effect peoples lives. I think i'm actually doing that now.

The whole point i began writing besides the love of it was so that i could change something in someones life. so that i can effect people no matter how small the alteration. And lately i've been able to do that without having to stay cooped up constantly. November may be nanowrimo but I've only writ 5000 words. i may be 45 000 short but i dont really care because instead of styaing home writing something that really doesn't have to be written right away (my short stories) i've been out celebrating with friends. I've been going to sens games with brendan, the book store with ian, the harry potter marathons and movie openings with sarah and shopping for weird costumes with pickles. I've doodled the dark mark on my wrist, pet the monster book of monsters, and discussed with some random guy on the street about how he got this scar on his arm when he was thriteen (it vaguely ressembles the dark mark but is on the right side of his arm). I've been connecting to a community I've never been able to before and its made me clear on so much.

I feel ashamed that at one point i tried to conform myself to fit standards that were not my own. Now that I'm geeking out and jsut being me I feel so much less stressed out and so more more relaxed. I'm swimming with people i would usually never hang out with and thne i'm going ot book clubs with others i might not usually talk to, and yet balancing with my band friends and my fellows nerdfighters. Because as long as i'm completely myself i have something in common with all of them and so we get along.

I used to classify people into groups, groups that i have now realized are completely innacurate. Yes there may still be sheep and conformatists, but then there are the people that are just honestly who they are. And then there are the people I've classed wrong because i never bother venturing out and getting to know them. People can't be set in groups because though they may act some way they aren't necessarily always like that, they may just be showing one side of their personna. People are more than 3 dimensional, they're facetted and i don't even think that psychologistscan properly judge a person. because a psychologist is a person too and thus blinded by their humanity.

So maybe some of you find this post to be one of my worst because i'm not telling you about an event but instead an outlook of my thoughts. That's okay, because I'm happy and for the first time i don't want to think about the past or the future i just want to live in the now.
J.