Today was the first day that my dad has been back to work. Let me tell you though he doesn't "ask a lot of us" it still seems a near impossible task to please him.
I was actually proud that this day went so well. i only made one mistake and apparently that cost me my life.
I forgot to tell andrea that i was leaving so she forgot to lock the door. this lead to several minutes manic ranting, which finally lead to me screaming back (i rarely get angry BUT THIS!! I'm sick, i was tired, i made one mistake) so on so forth until he told me to get out. of course he expected me to argue back, beg to stay. hun un. No way. I'm this close to leaving him permanantly anyway, this was just the excuse i needed. so i packed up my stuff and headed out. Just as i got to the driveway my dad told me that if i left he would go jump in front of a train. So i stayed.
The worst part of it is: i know that he's guilt tripping me, I KNOW. But i just can't take that chance. My dad is crazy enough that he'd do it, just to prove a point.
So now my dad gets worse and worse hours, which will lead to worse and worse mood. This is a new chapter in my life... and i have a feeling I'm not going to like it.
Jen
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
untitled
You know i never realized just how diffibult it was to actually create a newspaper without the articles. For my english group project ( this is why i prefer solo jobs ) we have to write a newspaper for the Macomb TRibune based on some of the events in to kill a mockingbirdby harper lee. So I think the only person that actually did all their work on time is Tara, i have all my research done, and am close to done writing, but im in no was stressing because i can't even start the second part *editing* without the articles of the other group members. What a pain in the ass. Sigh. but i digress, i have much more work to do besides that of the macomb tribune. I have yet to begin my art homework, which i have promised myself would be done monday morning. Also i have math homework, and to finish reading said book. AND if I finish that i can still write, seeing how though i am not behind, do not want to be too far away when my goal does start aproaching (49 days ). I hope to be at chapter 22 by the end of the week if possible.
All this inane work and yet no will power to even begin. There are so little hours in a day, and i spend most of mine wasted on school acctivities. I wish so much that i had no joined the musical. However now the comitment has been made and so i push on. A month left till show time, and a month left till my music concert... only so many practices left, and still the same amount of work. (too much) . Next year, though i will still be considered part of the cast to the musical, i plan on staying in the more offstage compartment, example: art. I will still force myself into band because i do need some extra curiculars, and i want that credit for which i so deserve. I also hope that i get math first semester so that i can take Mr czudners getting ahead math club that teaches gr 11 math to those already finished their course in grade 10. shame that i could not join this year. One thing i love is math, and yet i am caught in the tedious classes of the grade nine curriculem.
Now forcing myself to actually make progress in what little time i have ( onlu about 11 hours) I begin, first i think i shall finish my articles so that my fustration towards my group isnt shallow and naive.
Jen
All this inane work and yet no will power to even begin. There are so little hours in a day, and i spend most of mine wasted on school acctivities. I wish so much that i had no joined the musical. However now the comitment has been made and so i push on. A month left till show time, and a month left till my music concert... only so many practices left, and still the same amount of work. (too much) . Next year, though i will still be considered part of the cast to the musical, i plan on staying in the more offstage compartment, example: art. I will still force myself into band because i do need some extra curiculars, and i want that credit for which i so deserve. I also hope that i get math first semester so that i can take Mr czudners getting ahead math club that teaches gr 11 math to those already finished their course in grade 10. shame that i could not join this year. One thing i love is math, and yet i am caught in the tedious classes of the grade nine curriculem.
Now forcing myself to actually make progress in what little time i have ( onlu about 11 hours) I begin, first i think i shall finish my articles so that my fustration towards my group isnt shallow and naive.
Jen
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tinfoil boxes, and saturday school
First off, the billy talent concert. Though they are my all time fav band, their concert was kind of lame... i actually prefer them on CD. Well... perhaps it was because i was wrapped up in a glass box but... ah i should elaborate.
The night started off i bused to erins house and had the imponderable pleasure of meeting keith, who by the was was actually nothing like i expected him to be. Anyways finally at the scocia bank place we headed up to floor 400. I felt like such a VIP we got to ride in a cold elivator with mirror ceilings. pretty kool. So after that we were escorted to our box... which by the way is one of the coolest things ever. There was a mini fridge, a TV, a bar, and a bathroom like right across the hall. So bassically awesome. Though there was one bad thing about being in a box... the sound. See, because its a box its really high up, and i guess they didn't think about this when setting up the speakers because none reached high enought to make it to where we were siting. Then on top of that the glass muffled what little sound did reach us... though i think they had a few too many subs. ( 34 ) because when they played the glass shook, and so did the room.... i can't imagine what it was like in the pit.... gah! One thing though, the lighting... impressive to say the least. This is where the 2 inside jokes of the day come into play. AS you probably know people with epilepsy arent aloud into billly talent concers... let me tell you why; the lights flashed so much that you could feel your pupils dialating and shrinking. Very trippy. So everytime the lights would get really extreme we could just imagine as the crowd dominoed, falling over from seizures. :P Next was that the lights would flash up and hit our booth a lot so we just laughed like if this was covered in tinfoil we coud blind everyone :D
So four bands played. first one was called Cancer Bats... lets just say they were horrible. the basist was like humping the base the entire time... The next was Against me, they were too bad, and they did have amazing lighting. the best out of all four. Then was Alexisonfire. (i got one of their t shirts along with a billy talent one because it was awesome) finally Billy Talent. The concert started at 6 30 ... they got on at 930. ... lol
So it was an amazing experience if i do say so myself.
As for SAturrday school... no it is not a mistake i mean i went to school on saturday. Most of you out there are probably thinking something along the lines of ew, or what a loser... however those who went to school on saturday before know hoe much fun it is. The teachers are completely let loose and basically the entire day is just one massive party. DAncing down the halls while singing musicals, eating pizza, and watchign avatar all the while "working" on art projects. Even the teacher joined in on the party. It was probably one of the funniest things ive ever seen. WE actually did do some work though. The Audrey II second plant is now almost finished, and the basic corps of the Audrey II third version is on its way.
However no i must draw the bottom corner of an alice and wonderland piece, and write a bunch of articles for english clas.
Can't wait,
Jen
The night started off i bused to erins house and had the imponderable pleasure of meeting keith, who by the was was actually nothing like i expected him to be. Anyways finally at the scocia bank place we headed up to floor 400. I felt like such a VIP we got to ride in a cold elivator with mirror ceilings. pretty kool. So after that we were escorted to our box... which by the way is one of the coolest things ever. There was a mini fridge, a TV, a bar, and a bathroom like right across the hall. So bassically awesome. Though there was one bad thing about being in a box... the sound. See, because its a box its really high up, and i guess they didn't think about this when setting up the speakers because none reached high enought to make it to where we were siting. Then on top of that the glass muffled what little sound did reach us... though i think they had a few too many subs. ( 34 ) because when they played the glass shook, and so did the room.... i can't imagine what it was like in the pit.... gah! One thing though, the lighting... impressive to say the least. This is where the 2 inside jokes of the day come into play. AS you probably know people with epilepsy arent aloud into billly talent concers... let me tell you why; the lights flashed so much that you could feel your pupils dialating and shrinking. Very trippy. So everytime the lights would get really extreme we could just imagine as the crowd dominoed, falling over from seizures. :P Next was that the lights would flash up and hit our booth a lot so we just laughed like if this was covered in tinfoil we coud blind everyone :D
So four bands played. first one was called Cancer Bats... lets just say they were horrible. the basist was like humping the base the entire time... The next was Against me, they were too bad, and they did have amazing lighting. the best out of all four. Then was Alexisonfire. (i got one of their t shirts along with a billy talent one because it was awesome) finally Billy Talent. The concert started at 6 30 ... they got on at 930. ... lol
So it was an amazing experience if i do say so myself.
As for SAturrday school... no it is not a mistake i mean i went to school on saturday. Most of you out there are probably thinking something along the lines of ew, or what a loser... however those who went to school on saturday before know hoe much fun it is. The teachers are completely let loose and basically the entire day is just one massive party. DAncing down the halls while singing musicals, eating pizza, and watchign avatar all the while "working" on art projects. Even the teacher joined in on the party. It was probably one of the funniest things ive ever seen. WE actually did do some work though. The Audrey II second plant is now almost finished, and the basic corps of the Audrey II third version is on its way.
However no i must draw the bottom corner of an alice and wonderland piece, and write a bunch of articles for english clas.
Can't wait,
Jen
Thursday, March 25, 2010
miracle or what!?
Okay a few short hours ago i nearly died, or awesome.
Yes my day was so awesome, that i nearly died. and that was jsut the beginning, tommorrow will be even better.
LEt me elaborate;
3 large factors are in play.
1. For the past few weeks in art class we have been re creating alice in wonderland posters. but painted... thing is i absolutely hate painting. So anyways... i haven't been able to get the clouds right... after weeks of trying to use a small brush for detail, then a fur brush for texture, then a round brush for wispy ness.... i still wasnt getting it, until today. The non menacing clouds became menacing, by use a long fake bristle flat brush.... not what i would have expected but still great. So problem solved. though i discovered this only at the end of class and still have to re pain the whole sky. ( by the way when these are done im going to post the pics here)
2. today was a half day so i got to spend the entire afternoon hanging out with friends.
3rd and most important. when i got home erin spazzed at me, and demanded i check my fb messages, i did, and turns out: I'M GOING TO THE BILLY TALENT CONCERT TOMORROW NIGHT!!! billy talent is by far my favourite band, i mean out of any concert ive ever wanted to go to it would have been this one. ERin and i have been listening to billy talent in her basement rocking out since grade 3 when their 1st album came out. i mean huge fans we are. So, erin managed to score 2 extra box seats to the concert, and of course she thought of me, and keith. perfect i must say. So not only am i going to the bestest concert ever, but i am also going with friends. Usually i don't buy product at concerts... however tomorrow i plan on making an exception because i NEED a billy T t shirt :D :D
SO yes dying of awesome.
Now the reason tommorrow i will probably have a heart attack is because i will be able to finish my stupid ass painting, get out of school again early (half day) and GO to the concert with erin. I'm sorry but miracle or what?
Jen
Yes my day was so awesome, that i nearly died. and that was jsut the beginning, tommorrow will be even better.
LEt me elaborate;
3 large factors are in play.
1. For the past few weeks in art class we have been re creating alice in wonderland posters. but painted... thing is i absolutely hate painting. So anyways... i haven't been able to get the clouds right... after weeks of trying to use a small brush for detail, then a fur brush for texture, then a round brush for wispy ness.... i still wasnt getting it, until today. The non menacing clouds became menacing, by use a long fake bristle flat brush.... not what i would have expected but still great. So problem solved. though i discovered this only at the end of class and still have to re pain the whole sky. ( by the way when these are done im going to post the pics here)
2. today was a half day so i got to spend the entire afternoon hanging out with friends.
3rd and most important. when i got home erin spazzed at me, and demanded i check my fb messages, i did, and turns out: I'M GOING TO THE BILLY TALENT CONCERT TOMORROW NIGHT!!! billy talent is by far my favourite band, i mean out of any concert ive ever wanted to go to it would have been this one. ERin and i have been listening to billy talent in her basement rocking out since grade 3 when their 1st album came out. i mean huge fans we are. So, erin managed to score 2 extra box seats to the concert, and of course she thought of me, and keith. perfect i must say. So not only am i going to the bestest concert ever, but i am also going with friends. Usually i don't buy product at concerts... however tomorrow i plan on making an exception because i NEED a billy T t shirt :D :D
SO yes dying of awesome.
Now the reason tommorrow i will probably have a heart attack is because i will be able to finish my stupid ass painting, get out of school again early (half day) and GO to the concert with erin. I'm sorry but miracle or what?
Jen
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Positivity
I hate how people can be so negative all the time. No matter what it is they are always complaining. I'm upset enough as it is with the poor excuse for a march break, and now that my perfectly planned life's a shambles. Not even me, but everyone around the world, everyone has their share of problems, we have so much wrong with our world today, right now. It's hard to look on the bright side, to get out of bed in the morning and smile. But there is no excuse for polluting the negative poisons. And that is exactly what a lot of people do.
There's absolutely nothing that you can do to change all the negativity people bring up, but they bring it up anyway. They not only pollute their mind but the minds of those who'll sit long enough to listen. My family is full of negative people. My dad being the king of them all. If it's not complaining about the governement or his own children, he's complaining about the apocalyse, religion, drivers, armageddon. I'm trying to get through life one day at a time without my dads constant complaints. Nothing is ever good enough for him, and he's made that very clear that i am part of that catagory.
So he talks and talks and talks, and whenever you even ask him to stop for five minutes he just complains that you're bing disrespectful... Whatever excuse he can muster up he will use. I try to look on the bright outlook on life... but sometimes that is very difficult to do, especially when im always surrounded by such... NEGATIVITY! So i made this blog so i could comaplain, so that i wouldn't be polluting my friends' minds, because to tell you the truth they are really the only thing positive i have in my life right now. My brain, and my friends, and that is it!
I try to just ignore my dad, but talking is never good enough for him. He has to argue all the time. Once i was reading a book, fiction of course, about demons, and my dad went on the longest rant ive ever heard about how it was polluting the universe crap liek that was the downall of humanity, and how i should be reading into things that were actually relevant. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO GET AWAY FROM THIS SHIT ASS WORLD FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!! Most of my books, the good ones i read so that i can get away from how messed up the world really is. That is why i hate reality books, non fiction, history, and frankly even mysteries.
Music and reading are my escape from like but my dad had to even take that away. Whenever something suits him, its okay but the moment he's in a funk everyone has to pay for it. Fact is that with my dad, he's always in a funk. For appearances sake he's all fine to everyone else, but he seriously never shuts up unless he's complaining, or yelling, or arguing. It's absurd. and completely irrational. So i don't know what to do half the time. I used to yell back, i used to argue, stand up for myself, but over the years ive been worn down until now... i rarely even feel the emotions. I just stay calm, dont say anything so he just goes on and on, and i can't even stand up for my beliefs. But i know that it's worse if i do. So i stay quite and i ride it out, even if i didn't do anything.
Some times, times like these, i just loose it. I can't stand how negative he is all the time, so i go off and hide in my room and blog.... and well it doens't always work. Sometimes it gets me in more trouble, but you know what i HAVE to get it out of my system. I have to. Is it so wrong that i dont want to talk about the end of the world, and people dying out and becoming cannibals for a fight for survival against the rest of humanity while im sitting at diner?? Is it so wrong that i try to see the good in humanity where ever i can? I try, and some times it's extremely difficult. But my friends are always there a perfect example. Not even only my old ones, but my new ones aswell, even my friends from LDHSS have no idea how much they do for me everyday. I pick my friends because of their unique outlooks on life. and though most of them don't know it, they probably all keep me out of depressions day to day. Whenever im down they are almost always there to cheer me up again and some times they dont even do it on purpose.
Now i admit, i must be a hard friend to have, and some times im just way too beyond reach, so i stay to myself. It's hard in the world we have today to be possitive. I'm trying.
Positivity moves millions
Negativity takes down 2 or 3.
Jen
There's absolutely nothing that you can do to change all the negativity people bring up, but they bring it up anyway. They not only pollute their mind but the minds of those who'll sit long enough to listen. My family is full of negative people. My dad being the king of them all. If it's not complaining about the governement or his own children, he's complaining about the apocalyse, religion, drivers, armageddon. I'm trying to get through life one day at a time without my dads constant complaints. Nothing is ever good enough for him, and he's made that very clear that i am part of that catagory.
So he talks and talks and talks, and whenever you even ask him to stop for five minutes he just complains that you're bing disrespectful... Whatever excuse he can muster up he will use. I try to look on the bright outlook on life... but sometimes that is very difficult to do, especially when im always surrounded by such... NEGATIVITY! So i made this blog so i could comaplain, so that i wouldn't be polluting my friends' minds, because to tell you the truth they are really the only thing positive i have in my life right now. My brain, and my friends, and that is it!
I try to just ignore my dad, but talking is never good enough for him. He has to argue all the time. Once i was reading a book, fiction of course, about demons, and my dad went on the longest rant ive ever heard about how it was polluting the universe crap liek that was the downall of humanity, and how i should be reading into things that were actually relevant. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO GET AWAY FROM THIS SHIT ASS WORLD FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!! Most of my books, the good ones i read so that i can get away from how messed up the world really is. That is why i hate reality books, non fiction, history, and frankly even mysteries.
Music and reading are my escape from like but my dad had to even take that away. Whenever something suits him, its okay but the moment he's in a funk everyone has to pay for it. Fact is that with my dad, he's always in a funk. For appearances sake he's all fine to everyone else, but he seriously never shuts up unless he's complaining, or yelling, or arguing. It's absurd. and completely irrational. So i don't know what to do half the time. I used to yell back, i used to argue, stand up for myself, but over the years ive been worn down until now... i rarely even feel the emotions. I just stay calm, dont say anything so he just goes on and on, and i can't even stand up for my beliefs. But i know that it's worse if i do. So i stay quite and i ride it out, even if i didn't do anything.
Some times, times like these, i just loose it. I can't stand how negative he is all the time, so i go off and hide in my room and blog.... and well it doens't always work. Sometimes it gets me in more trouble, but you know what i HAVE to get it out of my system. I have to. Is it so wrong that i dont want to talk about the end of the world, and people dying out and becoming cannibals for a fight for survival against the rest of humanity while im sitting at diner?? Is it so wrong that i try to see the good in humanity where ever i can? I try, and some times it's extremely difficult. But my friends are always there a perfect example. Not even only my old ones, but my new ones aswell, even my friends from LDHSS have no idea how much they do for me everyday. I pick my friends because of their unique outlooks on life. and though most of them don't know it, they probably all keep me out of depressions day to day. Whenever im down they are almost always there to cheer me up again and some times they dont even do it on purpose.
Now i admit, i must be a hard friend to have, and some times im just way too beyond reach, so i stay to myself. It's hard in the world we have today to be possitive. I'm trying.
Positivity moves millions
Negativity takes down 2 or 3.
Jen
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Tiger Woods more important that human survival
In the world we live in today, in a world with earthquakes, tsunami's, political issues, stock maket problems, wars, terrorism, world hunger, over population, global warming, swine flu, cancers, faulty cars, prejudices, in a world in which so much is going on, Tiger Woods makes the headline.
I was just watching the 11 o'clock news and the top story of the day? Tiger Woods is back.... oh my god, that is the best most important thing you can think of? puh-leasse! Second top story... the paralimpics skiing gil won gold..... I'm sorry but i have a lot to say here.
1. Tiger Woods not important when we have people dying in Iran, and bombings, and ecological termoil.
2. Why tell me WHY are we still doing the olympics??? I'm not talking just the paralimpics, i mean if we got the olympics they deserve their chance to compete as well, i'm referring to the olympics as a total. Under the circomstances we were under why did we host the lympics anyway?? It costs billions of dollars to hosts the olympics, and fo what? so athletes from around the world can get together and show off, and the governement can shut down for 2 months with paid leave to stay home and watch it with their families? For God's sake please tell me you agree with me here? Am i crazy for believing that we should have put those resources (which are pourly laking) towards actually important things like umm... the planet? Am i the only one? okay okay, i can't change the world alone, but perhaps if enough people realize whats happening now and putting it to better use it'll change.... but we have to do it soon.
My generation is said to be the "Green" generation... and our elders are counting that we save the planet... but really how can we if the world is so far gone. Even now, when everone realizes there are problems we are doing barely anything to change it. If they don't make any progress now, our elders, our "models" How will many know to do any better? We are going to be left with this lonely warn out mess of a planet to sort out, and sadly i believe its going to be too late and i fear we won't be able to save the planet. The generations to come will have nothing left.
The wold life of the planet will dissintegrate, animal populations will wither and die out, our resources will be stretched to the point of non existence. If you aren't a billionaire you won't be ab;e to survive. Pavement, thick poluted air, overpopulation, sickness', war, this is the future we are left with. This is what we will have to face. how will we survive?
Jen
I was just watching the 11 o'clock news and the top story of the day? Tiger Woods is back.... oh my god, that is the best most important thing you can think of? puh-leasse! Second top story... the paralimpics skiing gil won gold..... I'm sorry but i have a lot to say here.
1. Tiger Woods not important when we have people dying in Iran, and bombings, and ecological termoil.
2. Why tell me WHY are we still doing the olympics??? I'm not talking just the paralimpics, i mean if we got the olympics they deserve their chance to compete as well, i'm referring to the olympics as a total. Under the circomstances we were under why did we host the lympics anyway?? It costs billions of dollars to hosts the olympics, and fo what? so athletes from around the world can get together and show off, and the governement can shut down for 2 months with paid leave to stay home and watch it with their families? For God's sake please tell me you agree with me here? Am i crazy for believing that we should have put those resources (which are pourly laking) towards actually important things like umm... the planet? Am i the only one? okay okay, i can't change the world alone, but perhaps if enough people realize whats happening now and putting it to better use it'll change.... but we have to do it soon.
My generation is said to be the "Green" generation... and our elders are counting that we save the planet... but really how can we if the world is so far gone. Even now, when everone realizes there are problems we are doing barely anything to change it. If they don't make any progress now, our elders, our "models" How will many know to do any better? We are going to be left with this lonely warn out mess of a planet to sort out, and sadly i believe its going to be too late and i fear we won't be able to save the planet. The generations to come will have nothing left.
The wold life of the planet will dissintegrate, animal populations will wither and die out, our resources will be stretched to the point of non existence. If you aren't a billionaire you won't be ab;e to survive. Pavement, thick poluted air, overpopulation, sickness', war, this is the future we are left with. This is what we will have to face. how will we survive?
Jen
Friday, March 12, 2010
Time
Dear John, a tear jerking, throat catching, hear squeezing movie that makes you want to reel in your loved ones and never let them go. The conclusion, an amazing monologue for the female lead Savanna, explained the importance time and events can have on someones life. Considerably amazing acting from both Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried created raving reviews. I however only give this movie 3 stars. though i did relate to the story, and i did fall into the plot hanging on every characters' lines, there was something missing. Perhaps it was the directing, or the music soundtrack. Whatever it was, there was indeed room for improvement.
Though if i have learned anything for the theme, is that time is of the essence. And what better time to begin writing again, than a time where instead of looking glumly i search for the silver linning. I no longer hanve any distractions. School is underway, i rarely see any of my friends, i no longer have my mind on justin ( much) and frankly there isnt much i can do. It's spring break, and i hate to say, but i have no plans. may i watch a movie, yes, will i read a book, deffinatly, but besides that and my homework (biggest project being to read a book and write an official review for it) i plan to write. Yes i will have to cover the mooshy love crap that circles around the soulmate pincipal of James and Sybil ( james being based on justin ) but i will have to get over it because i refuse to change the plot now just because i broke up with my muse. The best Time, which for me is seemingly getting quicker and quicker, is right now.
-Jen
Though if i have learned anything for the theme, is that time is of the essence. And what better time to begin writing again, than a time where instead of looking glumly i search for the silver linning. I no longer hanve any distractions. School is underway, i rarely see any of my friends, i no longer have my mind on justin ( much) and frankly there isnt much i can do. It's spring break, and i hate to say, but i have no plans. may i watch a movie, yes, will i read a book, deffinatly, but besides that and my homework (biggest project being to read a book and write an official review for it) i plan to write. Yes i will have to cover the mooshy love crap that circles around the soulmate pincipal of James and Sybil ( james being based on justin ) but i will have to get over it because i refuse to change the plot now just because i broke up with my muse. The best Time, which for me is seemingly getting quicker and quicker, is right now.
-Jen
Welcome!
Okay well there was a huge glitch with my last blog and it is having major issues, and seeing that i am no longer a little girl who was not aloud the put her name on the internet, and who was basically told to get a pseudonym, i decided to import my blog here. From the corners of my mind, is a remake of my old blog GothGirl, So for all my old followers, I'm no longer gothgirl, because as you know that stage has past. but am now simply Jen. I'm sorry for the major glitch but here we are now. Besides it will be a lot easier to ahve all my blogs on the same site. Poems by me is still up, but on my other account. i dont usually post on there, so when i do update it i will leave a note here.
Another note: srry about the moonlit-enlightenment thing but it was the only one i could think of that hadnt been chosen already.
signing off for the first official time.
-jen
Another note: srry about the moonlit-enlightenment thing but it was the only one i could think of that hadnt been chosen already.
signing off for the first official time.
-jen
untiled, and undone (untitled)
when life hands you lemons, you make orange juice, sit back and watch as the rest of the world tries to figure out how the hell you did it.
My motto of the week. Yes bad things have happened theis week, but that's life. And so i take it in strides because everything happens for a reason. Weither we understand the effect of that emidiatly or later on doesnt matter. All you know is that the experience has given you something. For example i can give myself one silver lining with justin. I now understand why we cannot try to change for someone else; If we arent ourselves from get go, then once things settling and you begin to act normal around that person they think that its weird and odd, and thats what happened with justin. I morphed, and morphed back and things changed, now i know that the person's skin on which i tried on wasnt a fit for me, now I'm back as myself and though a tad glum, happy that i get to act normal again.
Through life I will encounter many set backs but i cannot let them effect me or I'll loose everything. I won't win if i let events control me. I need to be my own person so that i can get through everything and that is another thing i learned. Yes im sad, but i wont let that effect me, im not going to let it get me down. I only have one life to live and im not going to waste it being depressed. So besides the biggest recent event, i have more to tell.
Last night was my big concert. I was head of crew, and advisory. Basically my job was to set up the stage, make sure everything was in order, organize the people, and get everything moved around when needed.... and boy was my job difficult. By the end of the concert we had 117 chairs and 67 stands. We had three bands, LDHSS grade 8 and 9, plus the ottawa wind orchistra. It was by the way, an enormousopportunity to play with proffessionals. Thank you to all those who came. Anyways, during the break, i had to add like 50 chairs on stage and it turned out that i had to change the entire seating plan because apparently our stage wasnt set up with enough space for the morph, and would have taken way too long to move all the precussion. Therefore i had to take it in strides and move with the flow. It ended up that we had flutes and clarinets behind the precussion nearly offstage, but it worked out. Our concert was a hit, with 45 minutes from the orchestra, Barnum and baileys, and nathan hale trilogy by us, some songs by the grade eights, then donkey riding with the orchestra and us, andfinally the finale with all three bands, around the world in eighty measures. Another plus of the night was that i had a bunch of my friends come and cheer me on while i set up... though i was ditched by my crew halfway through set up and i had to move nearly all the chairs alone, it turned out great. I took awesome pictures of the orchestra from the catwalks above stage (which were the coolest thing ive ever done... i felt like such a ninja, cause i was walking above people without the noticing me, wearing all black and taking stalker-ish photographs. I also got very high reviews on both my playing and the pictures by the members of the orchestra.
I have much more to add to the events of that night... but i was getting out of order and must now head back in time to before setting up actually started... lets say at 3 30 once school was out. First i had to head to vocal practice for the musical, it was pretty normal and there isnt much to say. Following this, i headed to the art room to hang out with pickles and sarah who were, also, staying before the concert. We sewed leaves for Audrey II (for the school musical of little shop of horror) and hung out with Mme, Cheung. who is my homeroom teacher, and surprisingly i learnt a lot. Usually i detest Mme.Cheung, she is an insane perfectionist and horrible art teacher because if everything is not done in the style she does, it isnt right, which is way not the case in art because there is not right or wring as long as there is emotion. But after school she seemed like an entire diffrent person. For one she was speaking english, dancing around and singing along to disnreey songs. Basically we all had a party while working. After we finished the three leaves we ate dinner and that cleaned up, while mme was gone... Still having an hour left we added boogers to the cleaning troll in our classroom, and talked with mme. I was so shocked, she was exacly like Natalie from the Community Channel on youtube.... i mean asian and everything. But the exact same sense of humor. We laughed for hours. or hour.
One of the topics of discussion was how teachers lie very often. and how they say things to make the student feel better even though it is completly wrong like "You'll enjoy highschool" "classes are fun" "I dont believe in lots of homework" etc etc AND "They're only mean to you because they like you." No i am sorry but if a guy is mean to you, its cause he's mean. or comptly socially awkward. Which then lead to how Mr Gumaste is very socially awkward ( but mme didnt say that ;P wink wink) and how adults are actually just larger versions of teenagers... which actually makes a lot of sense. So now ever adult i see i try to see which social stutus they would have been included in at school. Some i still cant see, but others are so obvious i couldnt believe i didnt see it before. Mrs Adams, was a jock. Mr Mo is a pickles, mr godfrey was a loner music geek (much like ryan) Mrs Jenson was a popular nice girl, as was mme herfst, Mrs wilkinson was a math and science geek, Mr czudner was a total nerd, that was still likable, Mrs Craske is a mean popular girl, etc etc
Besides discovering the social stats between adults and their pasts, i started writing a lot. And was actually asked by my english teacher to do a book report for her so she can decide weither it will be a good literature book or not. Its very diffrent so far. Ill have to tell you all how it is. ( i was chosen for this not only by my literary talent, but also because she read my review about the sixth sense and actually thought that it was engenious, and i aught to be a critic.)
Goddess Bless,
GothGirl
PS I've been getting the "they like you" thing soooo much lately. It seems taht almost every lunch break we have i have another guy being all like "i like you" or having soemone else say "its cause they like you" or " I can just see it in their eyes." Like FRIG i am not over justin yet. Its been three days can you calm your harmones for 5 minutes please. Just because im suddenly single does not mean im ready to date anyone anytime soon. 'sides i doubt half the guys they say do like me. Hell if i believed them that would mean....
(1. Sammy, 2. Jacob, 3. ariel, 4.antony, 5. sarmaad 6. jordan) 6! guys liked me, and that is rediculous.
My motto of the week. Yes bad things have happened theis week, but that's life. And so i take it in strides because everything happens for a reason. Weither we understand the effect of that emidiatly or later on doesnt matter. All you know is that the experience has given you something. For example i can give myself one silver lining with justin. I now understand why we cannot try to change for someone else; If we arent ourselves from get go, then once things settling and you begin to act normal around that person they think that its weird and odd, and thats what happened with justin. I morphed, and morphed back and things changed, now i know that the person's skin on which i tried on wasnt a fit for me, now I'm back as myself and though a tad glum, happy that i get to act normal again.
Through life I will encounter many set backs but i cannot let them effect me or I'll loose everything. I won't win if i let events control me. I need to be my own person so that i can get through everything and that is another thing i learned. Yes im sad, but i wont let that effect me, im not going to let it get me down. I only have one life to live and im not going to waste it being depressed. So besides the biggest recent event, i have more to tell.
Last night was my big concert. I was head of crew, and advisory. Basically my job was to set up the stage, make sure everything was in order, organize the people, and get everything moved around when needed.... and boy was my job difficult. By the end of the concert we had 117 chairs and 67 stands. We had three bands, LDHSS grade 8 and 9, plus the ottawa wind orchistra. It was by the way, an enormousopportunity to play with proffessionals. Thank you to all those who came. Anyways, during the break, i had to add like 50 chairs on stage and it turned out that i had to change the entire seating plan because apparently our stage wasnt set up with enough space for the morph, and would have taken way too long to move all the precussion. Therefore i had to take it in strides and move with the flow. It ended up that we had flutes and clarinets behind the precussion nearly offstage, but it worked out. Our concert was a hit, with 45 minutes from the orchestra, Barnum and baileys, and nathan hale trilogy by us, some songs by the grade eights, then donkey riding with the orchestra and us, andfinally the finale with all three bands, around the world in eighty measures. Another plus of the night was that i had a bunch of my friends come and cheer me on while i set up... though i was ditched by my crew halfway through set up and i had to move nearly all the chairs alone, it turned out great. I took awesome pictures of the orchestra from the catwalks above stage (which were the coolest thing ive ever done... i felt like such a ninja, cause i was walking above people without the noticing me, wearing all black and taking stalker-ish photographs. I also got very high reviews on both my playing and the pictures by the members of the orchestra.
I have much more to add to the events of that night... but i was getting out of order and must now head back in time to before setting up actually started... lets say at 3 30 once school was out. First i had to head to vocal practice for the musical, it was pretty normal and there isnt much to say. Following this, i headed to the art room to hang out with pickles and sarah who were, also, staying before the concert. We sewed leaves for Audrey II (for the school musical of little shop of horror) and hung out with Mme, Cheung. who is my homeroom teacher, and surprisingly i learnt a lot. Usually i detest Mme.Cheung, she is an insane perfectionist and horrible art teacher because if everything is not done in the style she does, it isnt right, which is way not the case in art because there is not right or wring as long as there is emotion. But after school she seemed like an entire diffrent person. For one she was speaking english, dancing around and singing along to disnreey songs. Basically we all had a party while working. After we finished the three leaves we ate dinner and that cleaned up, while mme was gone... Still having an hour left we added boogers to the cleaning troll in our classroom, and talked with mme. I was so shocked, she was exacly like Natalie from the Community Channel on youtube.... i mean asian and everything. But the exact same sense of humor. We laughed for hours. or hour.
One of the topics of discussion was how teachers lie very often. and how they say things to make the student feel better even though it is completly wrong like "You'll enjoy highschool" "classes are fun" "I dont believe in lots of homework" etc etc AND "They're only mean to you because they like you." No i am sorry but if a guy is mean to you, its cause he's mean. or comptly socially awkward. Which then lead to how Mr Gumaste is very socially awkward ( but mme didnt say that ;P wink wink) and how adults are actually just larger versions of teenagers... which actually makes a lot of sense. So now ever adult i see i try to see which social stutus they would have been included in at school. Some i still cant see, but others are so obvious i couldnt believe i didnt see it before. Mrs Adams, was a jock. Mr Mo is a pickles, mr godfrey was a loner music geek (much like ryan) Mrs Jenson was a popular nice girl, as was mme herfst, Mrs wilkinson was a math and science geek, Mr czudner was a total nerd, that was still likable, Mrs Craske is a mean popular girl, etc etc
Besides discovering the social stats between adults and their pasts, i started writing a lot. And was actually asked by my english teacher to do a book report for her so she can decide weither it will be a good literature book or not. Its very diffrent so far. Ill have to tell you all how it is. ( i was chosen for this not only by my literary talent, but also because she read my review about the sixth sense and actually thought that it was engenious, and i aught to be a critic.)
Goddess Bless,
GothGirl
PS I've been getting the "they like you" thing soooo much lately. It seems taht almost every lunch break we have i have another guy being all like "i like you" or having soemone else say "its cause they like you" or " I can just see it in their eyes." Like FRIG i am not over justin yet. Its been three days can you calm your harmones for 5 minutes please. Just because im suddenly single does not mean im ready to date anyone anytime soon. 'sides i doubt half the guys they say do like me. Hell if i believed them that would mean....
(1. Sammy, 2. Jacob, 3. ariel, 4.antony, 5. sarmaad 6. jordan) 6! guys liked me, and that is rediculous.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
officially over.
Justin and i broke up last night. Put simple i feel horrible. I'm sad, I'm sick, I have gym, I miss athina emma and kels, and im worried... together makes a not so great day.
I miss him.
I miss him.
Friday, March 5, 2010
rants
What do you do when you're caught between the place you want to be and the place you really are? How do you get there? What do you change? What needs to be given up? I'm at a huge cross road in my life, and im not really sure what to do. I have a feeling that soon my life is going to change a lot, probably because of one of my decitions. There are a few crossroads that make this particular dicition up actually. Three large issues in my life.... some i can deal with, some take work, and some are up to fate. Well, seeing how there are only three options i should be saying, one can be dealt with, one takes work and one is up to fate... however this doesn't hold the same ring.
Three delema's several options.... I'm going to try to work them out here, by a particularly long rant that may or may not solve any of my problems. I have a feeling that this will atleast somewhat help my case... First lets get my possition out there first, I'm sick, cold again, I'm tired, and hungry, and personally not have a good day. Also, I'm extremly worried, and stressed due to these problems. So tonight is the night that things change... I'm sitting on my big queen sized bed, under my windowsill starring up into the moonlight. From here i hope to draw up strength from Artemis, Wisdom from Athena, and Individuality from Nyx.
Dilema #1: Deal with it
Justin.... well to be frank he's been my problem for a while now, and I think i knew that. However the solution to this problem isn't necessarily as easy to find.
Lately let's just say that not all has been well. To be honest with you all it hasn't been going well since DEcember 18.... i can recall the last day because it was the day before he went to Arizona with his family.... When he left he was sweet and caring, promised he'd call me all the chances he got. emails, whatever and the two weeks would fly by like nothing... however it sometimes feels like he never really came back at all. The justin i knew and loved, deffinatly never did. Ask anyone, he's not the same. Not really.
So after returning without any wort of communication he didn't even tell me he was home. I actually found out he was back from Leah... who he hates. Ask me why again Leah knew he was back before i did, because all i can say is i really don't know. Now from this point it only got worse. He started being very mean and angry towards me all the time. We rarely had conversations anymore and when we did they always ended in fighting. I chocked it up to exam stress and then we'd be back to normal once they were over with. This didn't happen. After exams we fought more and more, then he just staarted ignoring me. Currently we talk maybe once a week. I miss him so much. I'm always trying to talk to him, and see him, he doesnt even try and even when we do see eachother, he's distant, or just plain out ignoring me. I still love him. So much. But i wish i knew what happened to the old justin.
The way I see it, I have a few options.
Option 1: File a missing persons report to Justins soul
Option 2: Try to talk to him and figure out what going on
Option 3: weigh it out and hope it gets better
or Ultimatly option 4: Tell him it's over.
I really REALLY do not want to take option 4, but for the past few weeks, I've been considering it.
Dilema #2: In need of major work
As for those who know me, you can all probably guess this is my about my book... This has been a huge part of my life lately, rarely having time for much else, and really trying to finish.... though i should probably not fling around lately... lets try past 6 months. LATELY i haven't actually been doing much work. I told myself I'd take a break for summatives and exams and be way back on track by this point... but that was a lot easier said than done. I'm finding it a hard time getting back to work... and now i think I'm ten chapters behind, minimum. I sometimes write parts on my ipod in class, only because there's nothing better to do, but after school I just don't want to. I'm always sitting around doing nothing and feeling quite unproductive... and yet i cannot seem to stop. It's extremly difficult to start back up something as tedious as writing when you could be reading or watching degrassi ( which i have to admit i am totally addicted to now). I love writing. But it isnt easy. I have the entire story, every scene planned in my head. For me, my books been done since octobre. Now I've moved on to planning the second and third, and another whole series... and then i think about all the work that will take and i completly lose hope. Or i snap back into the present and see how idiotic it is to start planning for the future when i cannot even finish the present. I'm having a tough time, and i want to get everything Styks over, at least for the year.
I know i have to finish this, i owe it to myself to be done. To be able to say, I've at 15 writen a book. now i can relaxe. but even at that, then theres revision, and then publishing. I'm probably not going to be done with styks for a long while, and that trully at the moment is making me a bit depressed. I don't want to spend every waking hour writing, what for me, is already finished. This has been my threee year project, and i just want it to be over. How do i get back on track. I can either give up every waking hour for at least the next week... thats the only option i can see... theres only 10 weeks left.
though it could take my mind away from my....
Dilema #3: Up to the fates
This truly should be a two part dilema, but lets just jam it into one for good measure.
This has to do with school... specifically my education, and my future. A lot could change here, and i don't really see if i can do anything about it. I've applied to merivale, the high school i insanely want to go to. I don't want to be caught in this flytrap called LDHSS any longer. I'm tired of beinglonely all the time. There is no one here that can match my intellectually state of mind, and frankly put im bored all the time. So i want to get out. so badly you have no idea. I've sent in my letter of transfer and i am praying to dear Goddess' that i get in. I am being retested for gifted... which i am nervous about because i haven't actually taken a writen gifted test and i have no clue what to expect... at all. What if i screw it up... i cant even study for this... again its up to fates.
Actually just because I'm insanely proud of my authory skillageI will share with you my letter that i might add i wrote and edited in one and a half hours time:
Sorry its a little hard to read but i was not re typing that entire thing out. stupid blogger for not having copy paste.
essientiatlly its awesome.
but now thers not much i can do except wait and hope. I can convince him more than this and if i dont get in im going to be insanely umbarable for the rest of the year. It won't be apocalyptic, but it will be one of the four horsemen. That is for sure.
Now for the second part.... still based on education and future... only a tad more far off than my next year school. I'm thinking long term what shall i be for the rest of my life. For a while i was thinking of dropping my childhood dream to write. But now i see that writing is just as difficult as anyother job, if not more because you CAN avoid it. and then theres the entire factor that not many writers actually make it out there. I also want to take psychology but that takes a lot of ears at university to even get close to good, and though i'm guarenteed to love it ( because i already study hibits of the human nature and absolutly love the fascination that is the human mind) i dont think i'd be able to make a career out of it. There still is the option to follow my path in the scientific field. this doesn't sound as alluring as it did when i was younger. But still an option. For now I've decided to take enough math science english and literature course so that i can decide later which i want to take, but this decition WILL have to be solved by the time high schools done, and you know me, i hate to procrastinate. It NEVER ends well.
For now I'm off.
This has been splendid, i;ve been in need of a good rant lately.
GG
PS i was completly appaulled at our closing ceremonies at the olympics. Encouraging the stereotypical canadian halts all progress to blocking out that all canadians are stupid uneducated crackpot treehuggers that ride mooses, have pet beavers, life in igloos, have walrus' in our driveways, and are still in the 18th century. not to mention the absurd love of hockey. I'm sorry but our lives do not revolve around pancakes, and maple syrup. If we promote this version of ourselves than how are we to expect others to treat us with any respect.
PPS stephen Harper i do not believe your scam. I'm sorry but taking 2 and a half months paid leave from the governement for no good reason except you wanted to go watch the olympics and take a vacation is rediculous. not only you though, the entire parlement offices. Basically everything about anything governemental has been at halt for the past 2 months... and the thing is, it hasnt even made a friken diffrent in the way our lives have been. that just goes to prove how useless it really is. We are paying, with our tax dollars, all their salaries to do nothing all day. That was clearly proved in the past few weeks, and then his speech about how they were considering changing our national anthem because its sexist. thats a load of bull and i hope all true canadians know and realise this. what he's doing is waving a red flag. looky here looky here, so we dont all fire his ass for being useless. I'm sorry but they need to get their act together, and quick, or soon they'll have a riot on their hands, and theyll loose.
PPPS i could sooooo win the waterloo rant contest. I would be guarenteed that scholarship. Im so good and talking about nothing, complaining and ranting that i could be Scout Finch in the flesh.... thats probably why i dont like her character shes so naggy... like me :P
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