Dear readers, i apoligize for not posting in some time. But I've realised some things... for starters that life cannot be lived on the internet or cooped up at home. I've discovered the importance or actually socializing. It's a strange thing admitting. I've been alive for 15 years and i've only just figured out the point of life. Granted i must have known at some point previous. Though not consiously admitted it. Also that others may not ever come to this conclusion. Anyways back to the point. I haven't been posting because life can't be written down in a series of entries because none of them do them justice. I've been typing away my life but honestly not really saying anything at all. And i spend so much time writing about the past that i haven't been living the present. On top of that I've just come to know that some experiences are better left to ones self. And other's no one really cares about. I could tell you about every little moment in my life that come a month later I won't even recall. Or i could just inform you of the important information and actually be saying something worthwhile.
This said i have been living life, I've been hanging out with friends and not just on the internet and i can't even begin to touch those concepts here..... the experiences can't properly be put into words. I could type for hours and meet no end because if a picture is a thousand words than an experience is uncountable.
In this realisation I've been participating in more and more things so as to enjoy the most that i can in the time i have. I've been going to assemblies and laughing with friends, joining clubs and having a blast in them, i've been trying to effect peoples lives. I think i'm actually doing that now.
The whole point i began writing besides the love of it was so that i could change something in someones life. so that i can effect people no matter how small the alteration. And lately i've been able to do that without having to stay cooped up constantly. November may be nanowrimo but I've only writ 5000 words. i may be 45 000 short but i dont really care because instead of styaing home writing something that really doesn't have to be written right away (my short stories) i've been out celebrating with friends. I've been going to sens games with brendan, the book store with ian, the harry potter marathons and movie openings with sarah and shopping for weird costumes with pickles. I've doodled the dark mark on my wrist, pet the monster book of monsters, and discussed with some random guy on the street about how he got this scar on his arm when he was thriteen (it vaguely ressembles the dark mark but is on the right side of his arm). I've been connecting to a community I've never been able to before and its made me clear on so much.
I feel ashamed that at one point i tried to conform myself to fit standards that were not my own. Now that I'm geeking out and jsut being me I feel so much less stressed out and so more more relaxed. I'm swimming with people i would usually never hang out with and thne i'm going ot book clubs with others i might not usually talk to, and yet balancing with my band friends and my fellows nerdfighters. Because as long as i'm completely myself i have something in common with all of them and so we get along.
I used to classify people into groups, groups that i have now realized are completely innacurate. Yes there may still be sheep and conformatists, but then there are the people that are just honestly who they are. And then there are the people I've classed wrong because i never bother venturing out and getting to know them. People can't be set in groups because though they may act some way they aren't necessarily always like that, they may just be showing one side of their personna. People are more than 3 dimensional, they're facetted and i don't even think that psychologistscan properly judge a person. because a psychologist is a person too and thus blinded by their humanity.
So maybe some of you find this post to be one of my worst because i'm not telling you about an event but instead an outlook of my thoughts. That's okay, because I'm happy and for the first time i don't want to think about the past or the future i just want to live in the now.
J.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Schwa
Time apart trully makes one realise the preciousness of one thing. For instance my friend Athina. It seems that now we rarely see each other and it's sad. And sometimes i begin to think that maybe we weren't that great friends after all. However when we do get together i'm reminded why it's so awesome to be friends with her, and im reminded of why i miss her so greatly.
Yes i was pleased to be able to see her again today and i was reminded just how much i miss when we could see each other on the daily basis. I love her so much. It's hard to explain. It isn't just that we're very close friends. We are in every way soul twins. I can't wait until i see her again. It's thrilling to hang out again. By the end of the night we were completely in sync again especially with our Telepathetic powers.
But its still not enough time. We don't see each other for months at a time, and very rarely alone and then we only have a few hours to talk. In Dance cases we don't even have that... But i'm not posting to complain. I'm in a very good mood and i just can't wait to see whats next in store for me.
I've also sent a letter to Athina indicating that we should send them the old fashion way. 1. bcause the best literature is on paper, 2. it can be completely unexpected and cheer up your whole week 3. theres something poetic about it and 4. With athina and I it just the only way to go.
Other than that Ive gotten twitter.
now before you all rip my head off for the ubsurdity hear me through. In english class we were assigned a project. It was that we were assigned a character in Romeo and Juliet and we had to make twitter acounts posting as them. I was assigned Romeo. It's actually a lot of fun, even if it is twitter. I actually think i might continue it afterwards oncce in a while about like his life after death. Set in a fantasy world sort of parrallel to that in Midsummer's night Dream. Check it out if you want www.twitter.com/romeoincognito BTW isn't that the best user name ever?! Romeo In Cognito. that is just poeticaly perfect.
It's snowing today and for some odd reason im not that upset about it. then again Its not yet 40 degres after 4 months of freezing and i have to walk home in the dark and 3 PM. But for the instant it seems sort of in place. Like a calm blanket is convering the world. Protecting everything and whipping the slate so that new life can come again. And that's sort of what i feel like right now. Like its time for a new chapter in my life. One that is much more happy.
Oh. i finished my book. Not editing of course but soon. Hopefully by christmas. Though school is my first priority.
Jen
Yes i was pleased to be able to see her again today and i was reminded just how much i miss when we could see each other on the daily basis. I love her so much. It's hard to explain. It isn't just that we're very close friends. We are in every way soul twins. I can't wait until i see her again. It's thrilling to hang out again. By the end of the night we were completely in sync again especially with our Telepathetic powers.
But its still not enough time. We don't see each other for months at a time, and very rarely alone and then we only have a few hours to talk. In Dance cases we don't even have that... But i'm not posting to complain. I'm in a very good mood and i just can't wait to see whats next in store for me.
I've also sent a letter to Athina indicating that we should send them the old fashion way. 1. bcause the best literature is on paper, 2. it can be completely unexpected and cheer up your whole week 3. theres something poetic about it and 4. With athina and I it just the only way to go.
Other than that Ive gotten twitter.
now before you all rip my head off for the ubsurdity hear me through. In english class we were assigned a project. It was that we were assigned a character in Romeo and Juliet and we had to make twitter acounts posting as them. I was assigned Romeo. It's actually a lot of fun, even if it is twitter. I actually think i might continue it afterwards oncce in a while about like his life after death. Set in a fantasy world sort of parrallel to that in Midsummer's night Dream. Check it out if you want www.twitter.com/romeoincognito BTW isn't that the best user name ever?! Romeo In Cognito. that is just poeticaly perfect.
It's snowing today and for some odd reason im not that upset about it. then again Its not yet 40 degres after 4 months of freezing and i have to walk home in the dark and 3 PM. But for the instant it seems sort of in place. Like a calm blanket is convering the world. Protecting everything and whipping the slate so that new life can come again. And that's sort of what i feel like right now. Like its time for a new chapter in my life. One that is much more happy.
Oh. i finished my book. Not editing of course but soon. Hopefully by christmas. Though school is my first priority.
Jen
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
time planning
Okay with school suddenly giong into hyperspeed... though i already thought it was near light, i've found that i need to better use my time... I've actually since realizing this come to notice just how much time I've wasted in the past. So my halloween resolution is to figure out ways to keep my time more organized. First off I'm going to just plan these next few days so that I can be certain all these deadlines are met. Also I want to find a time of the day that is solely for my book. that way i actually can have my novel on the physical plaine.
though i have once again forgotten my laptop with my english poject at home i have managed to finisht the script and screen plan in these two classes. So at least i've accomplished something!
Actually i just spent the majority of this class helping tara finish her filming so yays another accomplishment. i also just realized that monday is a PD day so i dont have any classes that will certianly help with time catching ups... it seems that Im not as behind as i thought after all. i may in fact even finish my book if im lucky.
I have band after school today so i dont think ill be able to finish this post. so0 until later.
Jen
though i have once again forgotten my laptop with my english poject at home i have managed to finisht the script and screen plan in these two classes. So at least i've accomplished something!
Actually i just spent the majority of this class helping tara finish her filming so yays another accomplishment. i also just realized that monday is a PD day so i dont have any classes that will certianly help with time catching ups... it seems that Im not as behind as i thought after all. i may in fact even finish my book if im lucky.
I have band after school today so i dont think ill be able to finish this post. so0 until later.
Jen
Monday, October 4, 2010
killing people doesn't make them like you.... it just makes them DEAD!
welcome to the funny fair where life is perfect all the time and nothing is what it seems because seemingly, we've lost our minds. DANGER DANGER!!
Can't you tell im in a mood? ah but often time enough the most interesting posts come when one is in that such mood.... See i'm sitting in english class right now... third period in the dreary school surroundings... that just so happen have otherwise created a great day. However it is now that my mind seems to escape these bruly grey walls that encase my body and demand my attention. Though my sould will NOT go down!
We're supposed to be editing our videos for the media project i told you about. Only i forgot that we were editing today so i left all the film at home aswell as my laptop. Besides that project i have nothing to do so im left with a computer and my thoughts.... oh dear how they underestimate me!!! hahahaha. Honestly though my brain shut off quite a while ago, no matter i continue on with my ranting and ravings... Its more fun this way.
Over the werkend i discovered the phenomenon of the century, something totally awesome. Something magical. If you haven't caught on to the many hints ive left through out the post so far. This was: A very potter musical and a Very potter sequel. I laughed and laughed and laughed. spending the entire weekend with a pillow shover to my chest to try to snuff out the chreicking of hilarity, or rolling on my floor attempting not to pee myself. I've fallen in love with hermione granger, the girl that is malfoy, the zach efron loving dumbledore, and harry, oh the every dumb harry, and the ron who never stops eating. Also the captain hook that is snape and all the other remarkably wonderful characters. Most of all though i applaud Prof. Quarrel and voldemort. (who spoke the wuote that is the title) These two actors kept me on my toes awaiting the next witty remark and wonderful experessions of awesome. Whoever said that evil can't love and look hot clearly has never met this version of voldemort who honestly... just wants to dance. And between his bromance with quarrel and his plans to take over the world he chose his love for the man that supported him through all those tough years. I wasn't sure if i was meant to laugh or to cry at their touching duet titled "you and me".
I've also made plans for a full harry potter marathon with sarah on the 12th of nov. followed the next weekend by a trip to the theatre to watch the 7th, part I. I can't wait!!! i absolutely can't!!
Also this weekend at sarahs on friday we watched the latest episode of supernatural which was encredibly dissapointing... though perfectly terrifying in the traditional supernatural way! it was named two and a half men which adde to the joke that dean has become a baby daddy.... see the entire event the episode revolves around is killer transforming babies!!!! i know scary... i really dont think that woung children and scary/horror should mix.... its just sooo wrong and violent. Usually.
But no matter we watched and we THOUGHT AT EACH OTHER!! you'd laugh if you saw it! And most of all we cowered every time a baby was brought into the shot sure that at any moment the baby would turn into a flesh eating monster that will attempt tp eat our beloved characters' face off!!!! GAHA
I await next friday in which the episode brings back the ever elusive castiel!! YAYS CAS!! And i can't seem to figure out when they'll bring chuck back now that (as the watcher) we are pretty certain he is God. :P making an incredible character completely beyond belief cool. Ha prophet i dont think so he's tooo kick ass!!!!
ohhhhh my goood CHUCK!!! i dont really know what else to add..... I'm honestly just really bored now.... OH i have soemthing i could talk about. I've decided that i haven't been keeping good enough touch with a lot of my old friends so im reviving the dying art that is letter writing.... no typing it up and printing... oh no, it will be written by hand and hopefull they will do the same so that we can have at one oint a plathora of letters back and forth. With electronics these days we've really lost touch with the individuality that honest writing used to have. I want to bring that back, not only just to keep ourselves in one anothers life but also to be aware of how sometimes you just have to sit down and really use the physicality to make something trully personal... For instance; True literature can only really exist on the physical plaine.
Tata for now.
Jen
Can't you tell im in a mood? ah but often time enough the most interesting posts come when one is in that such mood.... See i'm sitting in english class right now... third period in the dreary school surroundings... that just so happen have otherwise created a great day. However it is now that my mind seems to escape these bruly grey walls that encase my body and demand my attention. Though my sould will NOT go down!
We're supposed to be editing our videos for the media project i told you about. Only i forgot that we were editing today so i left all the film at home aswell as my laptop. Besides that project i have nothing to do so im left with a computer and my thoughts.... oh dear how they underestimate me!!! hahahaha. Honestly though my brain shut off quite a while ago, no matter i continue on with my ranting and ravings... Its more fun this way.
Over the werkend i discovered the phenomenon of the century, something totally awesome. Something magical. If you haven't caught on to the many hints ive left through out the post so far. This was: A very potter musical and a Very potter sequel. I laughed and laughed and laughed. spending the entire weekend with a pillow shover to my chest to try to snuff out the chreicking of hilarity, or rolling on my floor attempting not to pee myself. I've fallen in love with hermione granger, the girl that is malfoy, the zach efron loving dumbledore, and harry, oh the every dumb harry, and the ron who never stops eating. Also the captain hook that is snape and all the other remarkably wonderful characters. Most of all though i applaud Prof. Quarrel and voldemort. (who spoke the wuote that is the title) These two actors kept me on my toes awaiting the next witty remark and wonderful experessions of awesome. Whoever said that evil can't love and look hot clearly has never met this version of voldemort who honestly... just wants to dance. And between his bromance with quarrel and his plans to take over the world he chose his love for the man that supported him through all those tough years. I wasn't sure if i was meant to laugh or to cry at their touching duet titled "you and me".
I've also made plans for a full harry potter marathon with sarah on the 12th of nov. followed the next weekend by a trip to the theatre to watch the 7th, part I. I can't wait!!! i absolutely can't!!
Also this weekend at sarahs on friday we watched the latest episode of supernatural which was encredibly dissapointing... though perfectly terrifying in the traditional supernatural way! it was named two and a half men which adde to the joke that dean has become a baby daddy.... see the entire event the episode revolves around is killer transforming babies!!!! i know scary... i really dont think that woung children and scary/horror should mix.... its just sooo wrong and violent. Usually.
But no matter we watched and we THOUGHT AT EACH OTHER!! you'd laugh if you saw it! And most of all we cowered every time a baby was brought into the shot sure that at any moment the baby would turn into a flesh eating monster that will attempt tp eat our beloved characters' face off!!!! GAHA
I await next friday in which the episode brings back the ever elusive castiel!! YAYS CAS!! And i can't seem to figure out when they'll bring chuck back now that (as the watcher) we are pretty certain he is God. :P making an incredible character completely beyond belief cool. Ha prophet i dont think so he's tooo kick ass!!!!
ohhhhh my goood CHUCK!!! i dont really know what else to add..... I'm honestly just really bored now.... OH i have soemthing i could talk about. I've decided that i haven't been keeping good enough touch with a lot of my old friends so im reviving the dying art that is letter writing.... no typing it up and printing... oh no, it will be written by hand and hopefull they will do the same so that we can have at one oint a plathora of letters back and forth. With electronics these days we've really lost touch with the individuality that honest writing used to have. I want to bring that back, not only just to keep ourselves in one anothers life but also to be aware of how sometimes you just have to sit down and really use the physicality to make something trully personal... For instance; True literature can only really exist on the physical plaine.
Tata for now.
Jen
Thursday, September 30, 2010
How i became a real person
Today, i got my papers declaring that i am now indeed my own individual. which rocks. but the adventure in getting them involved a lot of waiting.... i mean a lot. they say the patient are rewarded. all i got was wet.
So as i am about to inform you (if you dont already know) we are hours away from hitting the ottawa record for the most rain since 1942. Mom picked me up during 3rd period and we went to licoln fields mall to get our papers. it started out not too bad, we got misted, but apart we were relitively dry. We waited in line for nearly an hour, then had to wait to get the papers and even then it was an extremely lengthy proccess. After sarching that mall up and down we realised that the oc transpo place wasn't there. Though we did find a really cool cheap dress place that i WILL be going back to. We than looked in more malls desperate to find the oc transpo place. Finally (after several explinations that its at licoln fields satation, mom decides to ask the star bucks employee, and he instructed us to GO TO LICOLN FIELDS STATION! We then walked all the way to the station. By this point my old shoes are sopping wet and i feel liek a drowned rat. Only once arriving we found out that we were going to have to wait for nearly 2 hours because there was a line for several meters out the door. now nearing 4.30 we wait in like next to this guy and his cousin, they turned out to be a lot of fun to talk to so it wasn't that bad. Finally I got my picture taken though it wasn't really that great. and we walked back to the car. By this point i have given up on staying dry and if weren't for tap tap i would have died from boredom. So that is how i became a person, albeit a wet one. (procceeding my return home i went straight to the bath and soaked) Oh well i did get teriaki, so that's good.
Besides that the only thing relitively new with me is that i was elected grade 9/10 concert band representative in the music council, and i've gotten two very interesting projects. The first is in history. I have to make a file folder (like a medic) about a soldier in the first world war (based on a real canadian soldier's file at that time) and describe all of the ailements and how to treat them.
The second is an english media project. We had to pick our favourite poems and create a video about them. I decided to use leisure (the first poem incuded in my last post) and the video should be wuite fascinating, if it turns ou thte way im imagining it in my head. I might post it. depending how it turns out.
Jen.
So as i am about to inform you (if you dont already know) we are hours away from hitting the ottawa record for the most rain since 1942. Mom picked me up during 3rd period and we went to licoln fields mall to get our papers. it started out not too bad, we got misted, but apart we were relitively dry. We waited in line for nearly an hour, then had to wait to get the papers and even then it was an extremely lengthy proccess. After sarching that mall up and down we realised that the oc transpo place wasn't there. Though we did find a really cool cheap dress place that i WILL be going back to. We than looked in more malls desperate to find the oc transpo place. Finally (after several explinations that its at licoln fields satation, mom decides to ask the star bucks employee, and he instructed us to GO TO LICOLN FIELDS STATION! We then walked all the way to the station. By this point my old shoes are sopping wet and i feel liek a drowned rat. Only once arriving we found out that we were going to have to wait for nearly 2 hours because there was a line for several meters out the door. now nearing 4.30 we wait in like next to this guy and his cousin, they turned out to be a lot of fun to talk to so it wasn't that bad. Finally I got my picture taken though it wasn't really that great. and we walked back to the car. By this point i have given up on staying dry and if weren't for tap tap i would have died from boredom. So that is how i became a person, albeit a wet one. (procceeding my return home i went straight to the bath and soaked) Oh well i did get teriaki, so that's good.
Besides that the only thing relitively new with me is that i was elected grade 9/10 concert band representative in the music council, and i've gotten two very interesting projects. The first is in history. I have to make a file folder (like a medic) about a soldier in the first world war (based on a real canadian soldier's file at that time) and describe all of the ailements and how to treat them.
The second is an english media project. We had to pick our favourite poems and create a video about them. I decided to use leisure (the first poem incuded in my last post) and the video should be wuite fascinating, if it turns ou thte way im imagining it in my head. I might post it. depending how it turns out.
Jen.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Poems about life and death
Leisure by: william henry davies
What is this life if, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
and stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
and watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
enrich that smile he eyes began.
A poor life this is, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
the depths this poem reaches, the reality that it brings us is the truth. life is so glorious, so beautiful, and yet by caring about life me miss out on it. Our heads are so filled with idealistic worries and complaints that we forget to see the good parts. We ignore whats right in front of our faces and in doing that we loose the oppertunity to be trully happy. Therefore by wasting energyworrying about happiness we loose it. Ironic how most of us just pass life by without realy living. We're all so scared of death but most of us are already there. If you aren't living life then what are you? Sometimes we must all just take the time to enjoy life and its wonders. We must all stop and stare because if we don't then our lives aren't really worth living. In today's society there's so much stress that we forget why we're stressing at all. We work to make a life happy and good, but then we work so much that we couldn't possibly arrive there. William Henry Davies had it right. And beauty should be personified because beauty is alive. It lives on inside all of us, we just have to look around with optimistic eyes. Though that may not be easy to do, it is necessary.
Emma i want you specifically to listen to this because i know that lately you've been feeling really low. We had to do poetry analysis for a media project in class and this really touched me and the severity of the true ringing of each word struck me like a bell. And i hope that it manages to reach you too because you have to start living again. You can't keep wollowing in "what ifs" or "whys" or "just maybes" because if you keep it up one day soon you'll wake up and just realized how much time you've wasted, how much of life you've missed, and you can never get those precious minutes back. I love you so much so i want you to read this all ver carefully twice, three times over minimum. But these messages go for anyone. you can all feel the sincerity in your hearts and your souls.
The balance between life and death are so fragile. We never know when our time will come, so we have to make the most of everything. My cat was very ill today, i feared for his life, and recently found out that one of my friends could have died this summer. People die every day. Car accidentals, freak collisions, fires, random events that none of us can control, whipe our loves ones from this earth. But we must all keep living because only then can they live on. They live on in our memories, and they live on through nature, but we have to live on because if we waste away more than one person will have died that day.
Peacefully,
Jen.
Grieve not by: mary frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep:
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain.
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I amhe morning hush.
I am the graceful rush
of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the star shine of the night.
I am the flowers tat bloom.
I am in a quiet room.
I am the brids that sing.
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry`:
I am not there. I did not die.
What is this life if, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
and stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
and watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
enrich that smile he eyes began.
A poor life this is, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
the depths this poem reaches, the reality that it brings us is the truth. life is so glorious, so beautiful, and yet by caring about life me miss out on it. Our heads are so filled with idealistic worries and complaints that we forget to see the good parts. We ignore whats right in front of our faces and in doing that we loose the oppertunity to be trully happy. Therefore by wasting energyworrying about happiness we loose it. Ironic how most of us just pass life by without realy living. We're all so scared of death but most of us are already there. If you aren't living life then what are you? Sometimes we must all just take the time to enjoy life and its wonders. We must all stop and stare because if we don't then our lives aren't really worth living. In today's society there's so much stress that we forget why we're stressing at all. We work to make a life happy and good, but then we work so much that we couldn't possibly arrive there. William Henry Davies had it right. And beauty should be personified because beauty is alive. It lives on inside all of us, we just have to look around with optimistic eyes. Though that may not be easy to do, it is necessary.
Emma i want you specifically to listen to this because i know that lately you've been feeling really low. We had to do poetry analysis for a media project in class and this really touched me and the severity of the true ringing of each word struck me like a bell. And i hope that it manages to reach you too because you have to start living again. You can't keep wollowing in "what ifs" or "whys" or "just maybes" because if you keep it up one day soon you'll wake up and just realized how much time you've wasted, how much of life you've missed, and you can never get those precious minutes back. I love you so much so i want you to read this all ver carefully twice, three times over minimum. But these messages go for anyone. you can all feel the sincerity in your hearts and your souls.
The balance between life and death are so fragile. We never know when our time will come, so we have to make the most of everything. My cat was very ill today, i feared for his life, and recently found out that one of my friends could have died this summer. People die every day. Car accidentals, freak collisions, fires, random events that none of us can control, whipe our loves ones from this earth. But we must all keep living because only then can they live on. They live on in our memories, and they live on through nature, but we have to live on because if we waste away more than one person will have died that day.
Peacefully,
Jen.
Grieve not by: mary frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep:
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain.
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I amhe morning hush.
I am the graceful rush
of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the star shine of the night.
I am the flowers tat bloom.
I am in a quiet room.
I am the brids that sing.
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry`:
I am not there. I did not die.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Forcibly forced to post.
Dear readers, i've been forcibly demanded that i post by my dearest friend emma, so here it goes:
to be honest i don't have all that much to account. I've decided i want to start blogging more, but without copy and paste i find that difficult because i have to spell check and because most of the time i just don't have internet. But hey I plan on at least giving it a try.
So i promised myself that I'm going to finish writing the final copy of my book by the end of the month (week preferably) because ever since school started i've been too busy to go to work let alone write. So everything's just gone on the back burning, at least all that i can't bring to school. My "free time" between classes and during lunch i usually spend writing my short story, which im sorry i can't tell you about at all. So if i finally finish writing i can edit in those times instead. I only have 2 scenes to go, so it shouldn't be too difficult. But i relaized that if i don't do it now i never will because if schools busy now, i can't imagine what it'll be like later on.
As for school, its been busy as every only now i've also started band, jazz, choir, diversity club, and tutoring. So by the time i get home im so burnt out i just want to eat and sleep. I haven't even had time to READ in the past 3 weels, which is saying a significant amount considering who your reading about.
I've fallen in love with history, even though its in french and my first period class. High school history is nothing like elementary crap. Those teachers are forced into it because they are homeroom teachers. In high school it isn't like that because the teachers actually liek the subject so they teach it in a much more interesting manner. I'm actually considering taking world history next year instead of french... i probably will if i can ask mr rogers.
In math i'm sitting at the "smart person" table and have unanimously been elected leader though i can't imagine why(S*). I'm acctually partially teaching the class in partnership with mr czudner. Not quite, but pretty damn close. I'm tutoring people at my table too so usually i don't do my own work... or what i do do makes me so bored out of my mind i wonder why im in this class at all... and the resonse of course is, because i can't skip a grade and do the harder courses. what poo. but thats what you get for being the eternal seniors at the highschool.
In english we're doing poetry and its actually incredible. i'm totally kicking ass though once more im not that surprised. Though i have realized i don't really enjoy paraphrasing in analysis.
Finally music. I've actually improved conserderably and the class has turned out incredibly hilarious. With everyone in grade 10 music shoved into one class its like putting all the best friends and clans of geeks together... hence MASSIVE party. And we actually sound really good. And we ended up scaring the shit out of the grade 9's because well first we made them think they were crazy by doing all sorts of weird things at cue's they never could figure out, and then when they asked us about it we proceeded with a "what do you mean, i have no idea what you're talking about" mood. and then we showed them the difficulty of the music. Which for us is actually considerably easier than what we're playing in class.
Apart from school and my novel i don't have much to say. that has pretty much taken over my life. My mom bought herself a laptop, i need new headphones preferably skull candy ones, and i went to see easy A with Cori and Sarah. OH and sarah i have discovered has the most incredible stuffed animal collection. Including a perry the platypus that makes platypi sounds and an owl that screeches and is complete with a swiveling head.
OH and pickles got a harry potter music book for flute and whilst we were playing the hedwig theme we recieved a round of applause. and we felt sooo cool :P
Finally we got our yearbooks, only 4 months late, nonethe less they are awesome, though not hand drawn which dissapointed me, they are fanciful and well made.
Jen
to be honest i don't have all that much to account. I've decided i want to start blogging more, but without copy and paste i find that difficult because i have to spell check and because most of the time i just don't have internet. But hey I plan on at least giving it a try.
So i promised myself that I'm going to finish writing the final copy of my book by the end of the month (week preferably) because ever since school started i've been too busy to go to work let alone write. So everything's just gone on the back burning, at least all that i can't bring to school. My "free time" between classes and during lunch i usually spend writing my short story, which im sorry i can't tell you about at all. So if i finally finish writing i can edit in those times instead. I only have 2 scenes to go, so it shouldn't be too difficult. But i relaized that if i don't do it now i never will because if schools busy now, i can't imagine what it'll be like later on.
As for school, its been busy as every only now i've also started band, jazz, choir, diversity club, and tutoring. So by the time i get home im so burnt out i just want to eat and sleep. I haven't even had time to READ in the past 3 weels, which is saying a significant amount considering who your reading about.
I've fallen in love with history, even though its in french and my first period class. High school history is nothing like elementary crap. Those teachers are forced into it because they are homeroom teachers. In high school it isn't like that because the teachers actually liek the subject so they teach it in a much more interesting manner. I'm actually considering taking world history next year instead of french... i probably will if i can ask mr rogers.
In math i'm sitting at the "smart person" table and have unanimously been elected leader though i can't imagine why(S*). I'm acctually partially teaching the class in partnership with mr czudner. Not quite, but pretty damn close. I'm tutoring people at my table too so usually i don't do my own work... or what i do do makes me so bored out of my mind i wonder why im in this class at all... and the resonse of course is, because i can't skip a grade and do the harder courses. what poo. but thats what you get for being the eternal seniors at the highschool.
In english we're doing poetry and its actually incredible. i'm totally kicking ass though once more im not that surprised. Though i have realized i don't really enjoy paraphrasing in analysis.
Finally music. I've actually improved conserderably and the class has turned out incredibly hilarious. With everyone in grade 10 music shoved into one class its like putting all the best friends and clans of geeks together... hence MASSIVE party. And we actually sound really good. And we ended up scaring the shit out of the grade 9's because well first we made them think they were crazy by doing all sorts of weird things at cue's they never could figure out, and then when they asked us about it we proceeded with a "what do you mean, i have no idea what you're talking about" mood. and then we showed them the difficulty of the music. Which for us is actually considerably easier than what we're playing in class.
Apart from school and my novel i don't have much to say. that has pretty much taken over my life. My mom bought herself a laptop, i need new headphones preferably skull candy ones, and i went to see easy A with Cori and Sarah. OH and sarah i have discovered has the most incredible stuffed animal collection. Including a perry the platypus that makes platypi sounds and an owl that screeches and is complete with a swiveling head.
OH and pickles got a harry potter music book for flute and whilst we were playing the hedwig theme we recieved a round of applause. and we felt sooo cool :P
Finally we got our yearbooks, only 4 months late, nonethe less they are awesome, though not hand drawn which dissapointed me, they are fanciful and well made.
Jen
Thursday, September 9, 2010
hit by a bus and forced to do the delta theorem!
So turns out life moves pretty quickly if you let it...
remember when i disccussed how life was like highways and sometime there was heavy traffic and others you zoomed by at 400 miles an hour.... when i'm have the race of my life right now, or so it would seem.
Since last posting... which is shockingly a lot farther back then i remember, i have camped with gramama for 2 weeks, rode 20 miles a day, went swimming, hung out with erin, got attemptedly converted to jehova witness, worked, worked, painted, worked, had dinner with duckman matt sue and jim like old times, got officially ditched by my ex best friend, participated in the charity weekend, solved family drama at our anual corn roast chez dominiques, and ummmm OH nearly finished my book. I am literally like 3 pages away from finishing... I'll probably finish saturday or sunday....
So busy.
OH not to mention school.
So i went on the first to pick out my locker, turns out i actually got the ideal one. third from the close end in the main hall (opposed to last year's last on the far end of the never-to-be-used hall.) And i'm surrounded by my school friends.
Then on the first day of school i started my oh so "wonderful" grade ten year.
My classes follow as such:
1. History (in french) with Mme Lelou (-.-)
2. Math with mr czudner (awesome)
3. English with Mrs Mendham (awesome)
4. music with mrs godrey (meh)
And everything's been extremely busy. It's been constant work, ive been going to bed at like 9 every night even though i usually go to bed at 11, just because i'm so tired, and i haven't had time to do anything since classes have started. I have gone to school, worked, come home, worked, and eaten and slept. and repeat. honest to god. The only like i did anything out of pattern was today when it was gone to school, worked, gone to dentist, writhed in pain, gone to orthodontist, writhed in more pain, gone home, writhed in pain, slept. frig skip the fucking eating :P its do PHYSICALLY possible at this point.
How on earth i'm going to play flute tomorrow i have no idea seeing how i can barely move my mouth let alone actually make the proper ombersure. I have a feeling that my participation in class disscussions tomorrow is going to be extremely slim.
I have more to say but to be honest, I'm too tired. This is the first week of school and already i feel like i've been hit by a bus and then forced to do the delta therum. and i'm good at math!
Jen
PS I redyed my hair so now its epic! electric blue for the win!
remember when i disccussed how life was like highways and sometime there was heavy traffic and others you zoomed by at 400 miles an hour.... when i'm have the race of my life right now, or so it would seem.
Since last posting... which is shockingly a lot farther back then i remember, i have camped with gramama for 2 weeks, rode 20 miles a day, went swimming, hung out with erin, got attemptedly converted to jehova witness, worked, worked, painted, worked, had dinner with duckman matt sue and jim like old times, got officially ditched by my ex best friend, participated in the charity weekend, solved family drama at our anual corn roast chez dominiques, and ummmm OH nearly finished my book. I am literally like 3 pages away from finishing... I'll probably finish saturday or sunday....
So busy.
OH not to mention school.
So i went on the first to pick out my locker, turns out i actually got the ideal one. third from the close end in the main hall (opposed to last year's last on the far end of the never-to-be-used hall.) And i'm surrounded by my school friends.
Then on the first day of school i started my oh so "wonderful" grade ten year.
My classes follow as such:
1. History (in french) with Mme Lelou (-.-)
2. Math with mr czudner (awesome)
3. English with Mrs Mendham (awesome)
4. music with mrs godrey (meh)
And everything's been extremely busy. It's been constant work, ive been going to bed at like 9 every night even though i usually go to bed at 11, just because i'm so tired, and i haven't had time to do anything since classes have started. I have gone to school, worked, come home, worked, and eaten and slept. and repeat. honest to god. The only like i did anything out of pattern was today when it was gone to school, worked, gone to dentist, writhed in pain, gone to orthodontist, writhed in more pain, gone home, writhed in pain, slept. frig skip the fucking eating :P its do PHYSICALLY possible at this point.
How on earth i'm going to play flute tomorrow i have no idea seeing how i can barely move my mouth let alone actually make the proper ombersure. I have a feeling that my participation in class disscussions tomorrow is going to be extremely slim.
I have more to say but to be honest, I'm too tired. This is the first week of school and already i feel like i've been hit by a bus and then forced to do the delta therum. and i'm good at math!
Jen
PS I redyed my hair so now its epic! electric blue for the win!
Friday, August 6, 2010
OH! short note, i forgot to mention my mom cancelled, so we didnt in fact go to the cottage,, much to my dismay. Also i forgot to mention in the last post the rest of the trip with emma.
When i first got there we headed, with her family, to the park to play soft ball. and you've by now realized my detestation of all things sport, so i kind of failed miserably. Though i did manage to hit the ball a few times, so i thank mrs adams from preventing my total humiliation. It was actually sort of fun though. Then emma kicked one of the soft balls and spreigned her foot.... we then walked to her house and i got changed ( because i was never in formed that we were actually going to be the ones PLAYING i hadnt worn proper attire). then we went back this time with our writings. We then sat in the grass somewhat watching the game but mostly writing.
Then when we returned we watched early degrassi episodes (I've finally caught 100% up WOOT) and I read a bit of Vampire academy (which i ended up finishing in like an hour). Then we had our chocolate chip hunt. baked the cookies and slept.
The next day we walked to emma's work and i was surprised. it wasn't at all what i expected. First we did some tag removing in a dark closet. Then we did envelopping, which was actually unexpectantly long. We basically did that the rest of the day. for a while we went and had lunch, then we went upstairs for emma's doctors apointment ( because of her foot injury). It was interesting. Also there was a huge rain storm (AGAIN)) so my mom picked me up. it was a lot of fun though and was probably worth the sore arm i had the next day. I missed emma a lot so it was great that we could hang out again.
Other news. Yesturday i went to Linda's to visit my cousins one last time. Then i had to say bye for another year to Cynthia, Maeve, Quinn, and Ila May. It was great to see them though.
So i head off to gramama's for our camping trip today, so i have barely any internet access for the next 2 weeks. So i probably won't blog till i get back, and then i have the charity weekend right after that.... jeesh summer's almost over. By the time i get back its the 23rd. which is ethan and i's 2 month aniversary (is that an aniversary? or just a mark?) ... then i have the mars watch on the 27th, and then i have styks high due in the 31st and then i have to pick my locker the first and then its school. wow...
Time flies,
Jen
When i first got there we headed, with her family, to the park to play soft ball. and you've by now realized my detestation of all things sport, so i kind of failed miserably. Though i did manage to hit the ball a few times, so i thank mrs adams from preventing my total humiliation. It was actually sort of fun though. Then emma kicked one of the soft balls and spreigned her foot.... we then walked to her house and i got changed ( because i was never in formed that we were actually going to be the ones PLAYING i hadnt worn proper attire). then we went back this time with our writings. We then sat in the grass somewhat watching the game but mostly writing.
Then when we returned we watched early degrassi episodes (I've finally caught 100% up WOOT) and I read a bit of Vampire academy (which i ended up finishing in like an hour). Then we had our chocolate chip hunt. baked the cookies and slept.
The next day we walked to emma's work and i was surprised. it wasn't at all what i expected. First we did some tag removing in a dark closet. Then we did envelopping, which was actually unexpectantly long. We basically did that the rest of the day. for a while we went and had lunch, then we went upstairs for emma's doctors apointment ( because of her foot injury). It was interesting. Also there was a huge rain storm (AGAIN)) so my mom picked me up. it was a lot of fun though and was probably worth the sore arm i had the next day. I missed emma a lot so it was great that we could hang out again.
Other news. Yesturday i went to Linda's to visit my cousins one last time. Then i had to say bye for another year to Cynthia, Maeve, Quinn, and Ila May. It was great to see them though.
So i head off to gramama's for our camping trip today, so i have barely any internet access for the next 2 weeks. So i probably won't blog till i get back, and then i have the charity weekend right after that.... jeesh summer's almost over. By the time i get back its the 23rd. which is ethan and i's 2 month aniversary (is that an aniversary? or just a mark?) ... then i have the mars watch on the 27th, and then i have styks high due in the 31st and then i have to pick my locker the first and then its school. wow...
Time flies,
Jen
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Hurricane
Hurricane in ottawa, and we were in it. We biked for hours in the cold and the wet, we slid, we fell, we were attacked. We trecked accross parking lots, deserts, tundras and forests, store after store we searched. We cried, we laughed, we continued on. Pushing boundries in roaring winds, hail, and storms. We walked until we bled, and finally; we got our chocolate chips!
Okay so maybe i exagerated a little, but it would make an interesting story. Back to reality, I'll tell you the real story.
I was over at emma's celebrating my release from house arrest. When she says "i feel like making cookies." I replied with "mmmmm chocolate chip..." As we are exiting the kitchen to find a recipe her sister Kera asks " does anyone have money to buy chocolate chips with. i feel liek cookies". After the initial hysterical laughter, we went on a money hunt and managed to get enough together.
As kera goes on a search for a recipe in her Foods book, Emma and I look online. Soon enough we discovered the perfect recipe. and Emma and I prepare to get the chocolate chips. One thing we forgot to take in account was 1. that it was raining like crazy, and 2. its a holiday so the stores would be closed.
Okay so maybe i exagerated a little, but it would make an interesting story. Back to reality, I'll tell you the real story.
I was over at emma's celebrating my release from house arrest. When she says "i feel like making cookies." I replied with "mmmmm chocolate chip..." As we are exiting the kitchen to find a recipe her sister Kera asks " does anyone have money to buy chocolate chips with. i feel liek cookies". After the initial hysterical laughter, we went on a money hunt and managed to get enough together.
As kera goes on a search for a recipe in her Foods book, Emma and I look online. Soon enough we discovered the perfect recipe. and Emma and I prepare to get the chocolate chips. One thing we forgot to take in account was 1. that it was raining like crazy, and 2. its a holiday so the stores would be closed.
I didn't have a bike due to the distance, i took the bus, so now we had to bike to the store. I took emma's bike and she her sisters. She kept falling because it was too big, and i was having issues because its too big. Then We came to the realisation that emma doesnt really know her right and left. After a while we switched bikes. and kera's bike hated me. i mean im pretty sure it was trying to murder me. It ripped all the skin off one of my shins and killed like crazy.
So now we are soaked and cold and my hairs poofing like the sixties are back. We go to store after store. adter store. back and forth. Farmboy toblockbusters to on the go to pharmaplus etc etc. So then we tied the bikes up and farmboy and conttinued on. looking and looking. Finally we realized that metro is open. We ran over and finally found our chocolate chips!!! We then returned to the bikes (which i got attacked from because they jumped out and broke my knees, not really but ouch) and then we biked home.
WE then made incredibly delicious cookies and enjoyed the rest of the night... that is after we cleaned our wounds :P
Jen
PS: Mars watch this month. its the closest its gotten in 60,000 years!!! august 27th it should appear the size of the moon!
Friday, July 30, 2010
released from the cage.
This will be a somewhat short post. I'm heading off to the cottage today, can't wait. I love summer so much, mostly because of the cottage, and since we sold ours 3 years ago we've been heading up to the lake less and less. This year we wouldnt have gone at all because we reccently sold my grandmothers' cottage as well. But due to my encounter with my coiusins Laura and Kelly they invited me over for the big bash at the lake this weekend. Of course i had to bug my mom until she agreed it might be fun even if we will have to stay in a tent. Rick and chris will also be up and they're practically family. I just can't wait :P I can finally forget that i'm on house arrest. And what a way to celebrate my release than a party au chalet.
Okay so my explination of why this post was going to be short ended up being the entire post.... oh well.
Jen.
Ps i've been really addicted lately to soaps, like Gossip Girl, and digrassi. i know they're awful, but once you start watching them you fall right into it, and you're always like "i hope this happens" "NO don't be stupid" "FINALLY someone made a good descision" because though you know that its all scripted to cause problems you still want the characters to do what you'd do, even if later you realised that had you been in that scenario you probably would have done the same thing. So basically i guess the show entices people to be hypocrites. It's still fun though so i'll let myself be judgemental just this once (S*).*
* The symbol for sarcasm in writen works (S*).
PPS i've decided that im going to work on my posture more because since wattching gossip girl i noticed that all the elite girls had perfect posture. And im not doing that to seem elite PLEASE, im doing it because then in reality you see people slouching and it just looks so much better when they have good posture. Besides, its better for your back.
Okay so my explination of why this post was going to be short ended up being the entire post.... oh well.
Jen.
Ps i've been really addicted lately to soaps, like Gossip Girl, and digrassi. i know they're awful, but once you start watching them you fall right into it, and you're always like "i hope this happens" "NO don't be stupid" "FINALLY someone made a good descision" because though you know that its all scripted to cause problems you still want the characters to do what you'd do, even if later you realised that had you been in that scenario you probably would have done the same thing. So basically i guess the show entices people to be hypocrites. It's still fun though so i'll let myself be judgemental just this once (S*).*
* The symbol for sarcasm in writen works (S*).
PPS i've decided that im going to work on my posture more because since wattching gossip girl i noticed that all the elite girls had perfect posture. And im not doing that to seem elite PLEASE, im doing it because then in reality you see people slouching and it just looks so much better when they have good posture. Besides, its better for your back.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Broken Dish Theorem
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or missinformed beholder a black eye. - Miss Piggy.
I share this quote to you for 2 reasons.
Firstly my quote of the day is by miss piggy! how awesome is that??!
Secondly the first part of that quote is actually somewhat relevant to my discussion topic of the day.
(i sound so fancy when i say discussion topic of the day, the reality im really thinking something more along the lines of "this is what im going to be complaining about for the next few paragraphs, good luck and feel free to add your complaints in the comments " :P)]
Okay so 2 things of importance to talk about, I'll begin with the part actually relevant to the quote.
Beauty lies in the eye of its beholder. I don't know who said it, but damn did they ever have it right. Our perception of people dependsd solely of what we think of them at the time. Someone who is usually your best friend can drive you up the wall just on your mood set. Though it is rare that i get angry at my friends because i believe i have better things to be mad at then the people who care about me. So anyways it has come to my attention the very length your mind will go to disguise someone to your liking. Tricking yourself into thinking they're better than that. Now it may not be just my own brain because (for instance jordan) sometimes when you're going out they seem nice and sweet because they too care, then once things take a turn for the worst its all madusa heads and charmiron attacks. Not only that though, but your mind will block out the annoying traits of that person until someone else brings them to your attention (which i call the broken plate theory, because its like your plate version of that person was just shattered by the relevation that they are no longer perfect). Which is essentially what, naturally, we are trying to prove. On the anthropological state we are run by instinct, and part of that instinct is to find a healthy strong, essentially perfect mate. It's a primal accord that is programmed into our brains since homosapiens became a race.
With the broken dish theory in mind, I keep wondering what Ethan's faults are. Currently i can't find any because i am pre-shattering faze, but soon enough they will be brought to my attention, and im just pondering what they could be. It cannot be the way he speaks because i love his voice, and the way that he lilts his vowels and rolls his G's. Nor his clumsiness because i adore the way he's lanky without being scraggly and thin, he still has pressence. I digress, i can't find his fault, i suppose that's why its the Pre-shattered faze.
I miss ethan. I do. And i can't wait for him to get back. I majorly need a boyfriend hug right now because though i love you emmie, you dont cut it. sorry. He's probably having so much fun. I'm sort of jealous. He'll come back with lots of stories to tell. He got to travel see new things. The only thing i did was go to niagra, with is liek 5 hours away, and well, was a trip i detested. I suppose that's what you get for staying with your kin....
I can't remember my second topic anymore.... i know it had something to do with Tv shows and how it seems that now when you dont watch TV for a week it takes 2 full days to catch up. That may be just me but.....
If i end up remembering ill add it to a further post.
Jen.
I share this quote to you for 2 reasons.
Firstly my quote of the day is by miss piggy! how awesome is that??!
Secondly the first part of that quote is actually somewhat relevant to my discussion topic of the day.
(i sound so fancy when i say discussion topic of the day, the reality im really thinking something more along the lines of "this is what im going to be complaining about for the next few paragraphs, good luck and feel free to add your complaints in the comments " :P)]
Okay so 2 things of importance to talk about, I'll begin with the part actually relevant to the quote.
Beauty lies in the eye of its beholder. I don't know who said it, but damn did they ever have it right. Our perception of people dependsd solely of what we think of them at the time. Someone who is usually your best friend can drive you up the wall just on your mood set. Though it is rare that i get angry at my friends because i believe i have better things to be mad at then the people who care about me. So anyways it has come to my attention the very length your mind will go to disguise someone to your liking. Tricking yourself into thinking they're better than that. Now it may not be just my own brain because (for instance jordan) sometimes when you're going out they seem nice and sweet because they too care, then once things take a turn for the worst its all madusa heads and charmiron attacks. Not only that though, but your mind will block out the annoying traits of that person until someone else brings them to your attention (which i call the broken plate theory, because its like your plate version of that person was just shattered by the relevation that they are no longer perfect). Which is essentially what, naturally, we are trying to prove. On the anthropological state we are run by instinct, and part of that instinct is to find a healthy strong, essentially perfect mate. It's a primal accord that is programmed into our brains since homosapiens became a race.
With the broken dish theory in mind, I keep wondering what Ethan's faults are. Currently i can't find any because i am pre-shattering faze, but soon enough they will be brought to my attention, and im just pondering what they could be. It cannot be the way he speaks because i love his voice, and the way that he lilts his vowels and rolls his G's. Nor his clumsiness because i adore the way he's lanky without being scraggly and thin, he still has pressence. I digress, i can't find his fault, i suppose that's why its the Pre-shattered faze.
I miss ethan. I do. And i can't wait for him to get back. I majorly need a boyfriend hug right now because though i love you emmie, you dont cut it. sorry. He's probably having so much fun. I'm sort of jealous. He'll come back with lots of stories to tell. He got to travel see new things. The only thing i did was go to niagra, with is liek 5 hours away, and well, was a trip i detested. I suppose that's what you get for staying with your kin....
I can't remember my second topic anymore.... i know it had something to do with Tv shows and how it seems that now when you dont watch TV for a week it takes 2 full days to catch up. That may be just me but.....
If i end up remembering ill add it to a further post.
Jen.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The inevitable.
A few weeks ago when i last posted the largest thing on my mind was my trip. Now i just can't seem to remember its importance. That's the thing about memories and concepts, even opinions. Sometimes something seems like the biggest thing in the world and then once something bigger comes along you can't even seem to remeber why you cared. This has been my most recent revelation. Though i suppose most others' have realized it somewhat before it still intrigues me. Just how ones perception of a memory can alter through time, and you forget details of events that seemed life shattering before hand. However it's only natural. It is part of the human way to live and forget and to change to ones new views. No matter how frightnening the emotions fade, and then we repeat our mistakes, because we have forgotten the consequences. It is said tht History repeats itself because we don't learn from our mistakes. I dissagree. I believe history repeats itself because we keep forgetting the reason behind that set message. We keep forgetting the minor details. we forget certain things, like the sorrow and the suffering, and then though we learnt that lesson, we forgot why it was relevant. Its not that we can't learn from our mistakes, its that we often forget why we had to learnt them in the first place.
Recently i've had to make a huge descition. one that probably will effect the rest of my life. I can only hope that it was the right one because i fear there is no going back. I know that in 20, 30, 40 years from now, im going to look back on this descition and see just how much it changed who i became. Changed the descisions i will make in my future, for better or for worse.
Not too long ago I went through a lot of tough times at home. That is what ispired me to begin blogging. What happened was very repetitional. My mom would get angry, send me to my dads, then i would become his source of anxiety release, and he would scream and me and throw tantrums, and drink, and get more angry, and then get sad, and then blame every bad mistake made in his life on me. Then he too would kick me out. or vice versa. then i would go to Leah's, and jim and sure would take care of me, until one day when my mom decided she wanted me back. I always told myself that i would never go back, that this was the final straw but the moment i had a chance i would jump right back into her arms. This lead to many years of depression and self loathing. then for a while it got really great. My parents and i rarely fought, and though my dad still rants uncontralably and brings my moral down sinificantly he rarely throws tatrums. And as i matured, i got better at dealing with these set problems. I joined yoga, and i found wicca. I descovered myself, lost that blanket of insecurity, got new friends and discovered my passion for reading and writing. However i forgot why i learnt to calm myself. I forgot why i never get angry anymore, i forgot why i suppress my emotions, and i forgot to do so. Thus my mom one day snapped. Out of nowhere we were fighting again. so much so worse than before. Because i forgot to not talk, because i forgot that with my parents i dont have an opinion, i forgot that i never argue no matter how much i want to.
Friday the 16th my mother threw me out. Again.
I went to my father's and it was dark and cold and empty because he wasn't home, like usual. I missed my friends, and Ethan, and i cried a lot. And i told myself that i wouldn't go home. I wouldnt, and i couldnt live at my fathers' because there he always ignores me and i become a non existant ghost, wafting through life, forgetting its meaning. I dont live when im there. So i would ask Sue and Jim, my figurative adoptive parents if we could stop pretending. I was tired, so tired that i decided i would ask them if they could adopt me. I had made up my mind. Come monday morning i would pack up all my stuff and move out for good. I was tired of the un necessary bullshit. That's why i hate drama so much, why make problems when there arent any? Problems aren't fun, they only lead to sadness. My mom daunting as always decided to give another "'last chance" and for a while i said no. All the while wishing for my mom to just leave me alone because i final realized she must hate me, thats the only explination for all these arguments, for all this supression. And i honestly told her, i told her, this is my last time. I was done. Had she stopped calling right there i probably would have gone to move in with Jim and Sue. I wanted to so badly. They always make me feel special and loved, and they make me proud, and they always encourage my accomplishments and are honestly interested in what i am, im not just a nuiscance to them. God they care about me and i love them for it. They really are my extra parents, and im lucky to have them. But my mom was stuborn as always,, and she persisted and persisted. She wouldnt stop calling and i almost just let the phone ring. But then she came over. and she sat there are talked to me up the staircase and said how sorry she was. Lot that did me. So i ended up caving. and you know it wasn't that i'd miss my mother, or that i'd miss my dad, not even close. I felt selfish with the thoughts that passed through my mind, but how could i help it, my parents really dont care about me. So all i could think was my room, god im going to miss that, it was like my little piece of paradise, and i'd hate to leave it. and my bed, i love my bed. and my furniture, i worked so hard and making everyhting perfect for me. And now it would all be gone and i'd have to put up with Leah's room. because it would never me mine. It would always be hers. I'd never really have a space again until i moved on my own. So i missed my stuff. how superficial. But what really made my descision, my descision to finally come back was my sister. i felt so guilty leaving her with them. I know that it sounds all sweet, but it really isnt, she's their angel and she could do no wrong. I guess if i left they might start noticing some of her faults... i dunno i just wanted to keep her from that critisism as much as possible. Because shes the age now, that i was when my parents started to really hate me. or atleast to show it. I didn't want that to happen to her. atleast not yet. She doesn't learn as fast as i do, she might get herself in worse trouble than i did.
So in the end i went back and i've been on house arrest ever since. No computer, no phone, no friends, no outings, nothing. i missed a backstage concert at bluesfest, parties like crazy, and sleepovers with friends. and i only realized how much i missed today when i finally got to talk to people again. I missed so much that i've just spent the entire day trying to catch up. I'm still not.
But don't think that it was the fact that i missed 2 weeks of my grade 9 summer that made this change the rest of my life. No, I'm not that naive, though im a teenager. No. This changed my life because now, now it's starting again. I've realised that i like having an opiniion. I basically spent the entire 2 weeks at work because i didnt have naything else to do. And there i could finally let go, and when i had a difference of opinion i didn't have to keep it in, i could let it out. and instead of yelling we'd have a calm debate about it. Arguments dont give me anything as per "youre wring im right" i just dont see that way, Jim and Sue get that, and with a debate you can process the thoughts clearly, and often times enough i do realise that i in fact am wrong. Im obviously not perfect and i dont think i do. But with that i have a feeling that next time i get kicked out, and it is when not if, im probably not coming back. I think i may discuss this with Jim and Sue but, i dont think i can keep myself a statue anymore...... Am i a bad person that i dont think i'd miss my parents at all? I guess its just time to wait i guess because really now that we're arguing again.... it is inevitable.
Recently i've had to make a huge descition. one that probably will effect the rest of my life. I can only hope that it was the right one because i fear there is no going back. I know that in 20, 30, 40 years from now, im going to look back on this descition and see just how much it changed who i became. Changed the descisions i will make in my future, for better or for worse.
Not too long ago I went through a lot of tough times at home. That is what ispired me to begin blogging. What happened was very repetitional. My mom would get angry, send me to my dads, then i would become his source of anxiety release, and he would scream and me and throw tantrums, and drink, and get more angry, and then get sad, and then blame every bad mistake made in his life on me. Then he too would kick me out. or vice versa. then i would go to Leah's, and jim and sure would take care of me, until one day when my mom decided she wanted me back. I always told myself that i would never go back, that this was the final straw but the moment i had a chance i would jump right back into her arms. This lead to many years of depression and self loathing. then for a while it got really great. My parents and i rarely fought, and though my dad still rants uncontralably and brings my moral down sinificantly he rarely throws tatrums. And as i matured, i got better at dealing with these set problems. I joined yoga, and i found wicca. I descovered myself, lost that blanket of insecurity, got new friends and discovered my passion for reading and writing. However i forgot why i learnt to calm myself. I forgot why i never get angry anymore, i forgot why i suppress my emotions, and i forgot to do so. Thus my mom one day snapped. Out of nowhere we were fighting again. so much so worse than before. Because i forgot to not talk, because i forgot that with my parents i dont have an opinion, i forgot that i never argue no matter how much i want to.
Friday the 16th my mother threw me out. Again.
I went to my father's and it was dark and cold and empty because he wasn't home, like usual. I missed my friends, and Ethan, and i cried a lot. And i told myself that i wouldn't go home. I wouldnt, and i couldnt live at my fathers' because there he always ignores me and i become a non existant ghost, wafting through life, forgetting its meaning. I dont live when im there. So i would ask Sue and Jim, my figurative adoptive parents if we could stop pretending. I was tired, so tired that i decided i would ask them if they could adopt me. I had made up my mind. Come monday morning i would pack up all my stuff and move out for good. I was tired of the un necessary bullshit. That's why i hate drama so much, why make problems when there arent any? Problems aren't fun, they only lead to sadness. My mom daunting as always decided to give another "'last chance" and for a while i said no. All the while wishing for my mom to just leave me alone because i final realized she must hate me, thats the only explination for all these arguments, for all this supression. And i honestly told her, i told her, this is my last time. I was done. Had she stopped calling right there i probably would have gone to move in with Jim and Sue. I wanted to so badly. They always make me feel special and loved, and they make me proud, and they always encourage my accomplishments and are honestly interested in what i am, im not just a nuiscance to them. God they care about me and i love them for it. They really are my extra parents, and im lucky to have them. But my mom was stuborn as always,, and she persisted and persisted. She wouldnt stop calling and i almost just let the phone ring. But then she came over. and she sat there are talked to me up the staircase and said how sorry she was. Lot that did me. So i ended up caving. and you know it wasn't that i'd miss my mother, or that i'd miss my dad, not even close. I felt selfish with the thoughts that passed through my mind, but how could i help it, my parents really dont care about me. So all i could think was my room, god im going to miss that, it was like my little piece of paradise, and i'd hate to leave it. and my bed, i love my bed. and my furniture, i worked so hard and making everyhting perfect for me. And now it would all be gone and i'd have to put up with Leah's room. because it would never me mine. It would always be hers. I'd never really have a space again until i moved on my own. So i missed my stuff. how superficial. But what really made my descision, my descision to finally come back was my sister. i felt so guilty leaving her with them. I know that it sounds all sweet, but it really isnt, she's their angel and she could do no wrong. I guess if i left they might start noticing some of her faults... i dunno i just wanted to keep her from that critisism as much as possible. Because shes the age now, that i was when my parents started to really hate me. or atleast to show it. I didn't want that to happen to her. atleast not yet. She doesn't learn as fast as i do, she might get herself in worse trouble than i did.
So in the end i went back and i've been on house arrest ever since. No computer, no phone, no friends, no outings, nothing. i missed a backstage concert at bluesfest, parties like crazy, and sleepovers with friends. and i only realized how much i missed today when i finally got to talk to people again. I missed so much that i've just spent the entire day trying to catch up. I'm still not.
But don't think that it was the fact that i missed 2 weeks of my grade 9 summer that made this change the rest of my life. No, I'm not that naive, though im a teenager. No. This changed my life because now, now it's starting again. I've realised that i like having an opiniion. I basically spent the entire 2 weeks at work because i didnt have naything else to do. And there i could finally let go, and when i had a difference of opinion i didn't have to keep it in, i could let it out. and instead of yelling we'd have a calm debate about it. Arguments dont give me anything as per "youre wring im right" i just dont see that way, Jim and Sue get that, and with a debate you can process the thoughts clearly, and often times enough i do realise that i in fact am wrong. Im obviously not perfect and i dont think i do. But with that i have a feeling that next time i get kicked out, and it is when not if, im probably not coming back. I think i may discuss this with Jim and Sue but, i dont think i can keep myself a statue anymore...... Am i a bad person that i dont think i'd miss my parents at all? I guess its just time to wait i guess because really now that we're arguing again.... it is inevitable.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Sleep drunk
Hello all, I am back from niagra, which is a trip im going to have to blog about later because though the reality was only a few days it felt more like weeks.
Since my return i've slept a lot... like crazy amount more than usual.. i kind of detest sleeping. of course i have to like it because it re energizes you but i just find it an uter waste of time. and lately i've been sleeping a good 12 hours every night.... its depressing. i'm going to have to start going to bed earlier.
In other news i'm back at work :D its great because i didnt even realize how much i missed it. except for filing, i dont know anyone who actually enjoys that task... but i've been doing bagging and tagging and painting and sorting and more bagging and soon im starting paterning again.
I'm still trying to figure out how to make a cloak...
I've also finally read An Abundance of Katherines by John Green which i have never been able too previously find at stores. its remarkable on so many levels. i loved it entirely especially the use of footnotes. Highly recomended for all ages... well maybe 15 and up (due to complicated math references and use of history). 5 stars.
i just woke up for the first time this summer to want to do absolutely nothing. i dont want to write or read, i just want to sit on my couch with instant noodles and watch movies whilst eating popcorm. ouu...... i may want to go to the corner store to get some smart pop.....
First i have to get ahold of moe though because i promised him we'd hang out today and i've already blown him off once this week because i went to see The Last Airbender with my mom.
OHH!!!! The Last Airbender was uncredible,. Granted it was a tad of a dissapointement because of the preconception most of us had gathered from the book and the show. But it was still amazing. They turned what was the art of bending into such a more complicated affair. Fusing the elements of bending with ti chi (sorry i have no clue how to spell it) creating a beautiful thing to watch. Another thing the director did fabulously was stick to the original story. There were very few details missing, and in an elaborate story such as this it wazs a wonder how they managed it. It was very quick paced though and there were points where they had to skip over the developpement of the characters. It was a long book and they were creating that same story in such a short period of time. I enjoyed it immensely and rate it 4 stars.
Jen
Since my return i've slept a lot... like crazy amount more than usual.. i kind of detest sleeping. of course i have to like it because it re energizes you but i just find it an uter waste of time. and lately i've been sleeping a good 12 hours every night.... its depressing. i'm going to have to start going to bed earlier.
In other news i'm back at work :D its great because i didnt even realize how much i missed it. except for filing, i dont know anyone who actually enjoys that task... but i've been doing bagging and tagging and painting and sorting and more bagging and soon im starting paterning again.
I'm still trying to figure out how to make a cloak...
I've also finally read An Abundance of Katherines by John Green which i have never been able too previously find at stores. its remarkable on so many levels. i loved it entirely especially the use of footnotes. Highly recomended for all ages... well maybe 15 and up (due to complicated math references and use of history). 5 stars.
i just woke up for the first time this summer to want to do absolutely nothing. i dont want to write or read, i just want to sit on my couch with instant noodles and watch movies whilst eating popcorm. ouu...... i may want to go to the corner store to get some smart pop.....
First i have to get ahold of moe though because i promised him we'd hang out today and i've already blown him off once this week because i went to see The Last Airbender with my mom.
OHH!!!! The Last Airbender was uncredible,. Granted it was a tad of a dissapointement because of the preconception most of us had gathered from the book and the show. But it was still amazing. They turned what was the art of bending into such a more complicated affair. Fusing the elements of bending with ti chi (sorry i have no clue how to spell it) creating a beautiful thing to watch. Another thing the director did fabulously was stick to the original story. There were very few details missing, and in an elaborate story such as this it wazs a wonder how they managed it. It was very quick paced though and there were points where they had to skip over the developpement of the characters. It was a long book and they were creating that same story in such a short period of time. I enjoyed it immensely and rate it 4 stars.
Jen
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Vlad: The last confessions
Today has been a pretty slow day.
I tried to work on my signature a bit and realized that i hate the letter K. Following that i brought my mom and sister to the water park, i just sun tanned. Then i re did my nails which took some time, i also watched 4 episodes of Merlin. Now I'm taking a break from reading Vlad. I reall am enjoying the book but it is depressing. Hopefully the outlook will start to get better... though i doubt it because you know he dies. After all they are his Last Confessions. Its kind of slow at the moment though and my eyes needed a break. I would be writing right now but i have to finish Vlad tonight because it must be returned to the library tomorrow.
Actually it doesnt have to be returned until the 8th, As it is the 3rd today, the 4th is my only day free. The 5th im seeing Ethan for the last time until he gets back from israel. And the 6th im leaving in the morning for niagra. only returning the 8th late at night.
Essentially i must finish the 200 pages that are left by tomorrow afternoon.
I'm currently wasting time i dont have.
Jen
I tried to work on my signature a bit and realized that i hate the letter K. Following that i brought my mom and sister to the water park, i just sun tanned. Then i re did my nails which took some time, i also watched 4 episodes of Merlin. Now I'm taking a break from reading Vlad. I reall am enjoying the book but it is depressing. Hopefully the outlook will start to get better... though i doubt it because you know he dies. After all they are his Last Confessions. Its kind of slow at the moment though and my eyes needed a break. I would be writing right now but i have to finish Vlad tonight because it must be returned to the library tomorrow.
Actually it doesnt have to be returned until the 8th, As it is the 3rd today, the 4th is my only day free. The 5th im seeing Ethan for the last time until he gets back from israel. And the 6th im leaving in the morning for niagra. only returning the 8th late at night.
Essentially i must finish the 200 pages that are left by tomorrow afternoon.
I'm currently wasting time i dont have.
Jen
Friday, July 2, 2010
The true story of the real Kempster
Welcome to Officially Summer as per where canadian celebration is concerned. However I;m getting ahead of myself. Lets start on the 27th because that is where i left off and unlike when im in school i'm quite busy doing stuff. (Im actually hoping that'll calm down a bit)
June 27th:
I packed up my stuff and went to dads.... thats about it. i was really lazy to be honest. I read a lot of Vlad, The last confessions: The true story of the real Dracula.
Which interesting tidbit of information: Dracula comes from the romanian meaning Dracul-a, therefore translating to Dragon's Son. or Devil's Son. Ironic... or perhaps not, that the creulist and original vampires (a supposed creature of the devil) was in fact named as the devils son.
June 28th:
I actually got out of bed that day and after haggling with my father the night before for hours (which i forgot to mention) convinced him to let Ethan come over.. however leading to the cancellation of my wednesday plans. I digress.
I met up with ethan at the Park and we talked there for a bit until we decided to go to my school and meet up with Soul, Danielle and Chicky who i had seen passing and were heading there. however it started to rain on the way so after hiding out underneath the balcony of the entrance* we just decided to head home (to my home).
I was proud that my fatehr actually behaved himself around Ethan. I was quite shocked. At first it was sort of awkward but we did the tour a la maison, and then sorted through my millions of illegally burnt DVD colection (im kidding). We decided on national treasure 2 and Get Smart. During both movies we talked a lot only slightly paying attention. Then we had diner and got rained on so we headed inside. Halfway through my diner i gave up and had an insta-meal. damn springs. Anyways it was good. The Ethan headed home and i napped :P
June 29th
I read the rest on the Lightning Theif to my dad (its only taken a year and a half to complete -.-)
June 30th
I went back to my moms in the morning. Then After reading 3 chapters of Vlad (because its an insanely long novel and i havent finished) Emma came over. I've been attempting to set her up with Cori (yes the pied piper). First we went to the book store one last time before they introduce HST. I bough Shade and the first novel of the Nick Chronicles. Then at home we updated our book lists and made sure that next time we get together she brings me her other series'.
Then I called cori and after a long discussion of which park (meanwhile i new it would be the redpath park all along) Emma and i headed to the redpath park. There we met with Cori Jeff and..... srry i forget his name..... eesh. Anyways it was beyond awkward for most of the time... hell the entire time was really awkward.
July 1
CANADA DAY!!!!
Waking up we originally had plans to go to the parlement. Instead we had a huge breakfast with pancakes and saucages and fruit (which i couldnt eat -.-) and watched the Queen's boredom on TV. it amused me because i realized how much her job must suck. I always thought that it would be awesome but im starting to realize she does a lot of sitting and listening to people talk and probably not really caring at all :D. Also the look of just "get it over with" when the country band came on was priceless. Then around 1 we headed to the Barrhaven celebration past the Royal Oak. It was wuite boring for a while. We listened to this girl sing poppy music that i had no taste for, though i will give her she has a beautiful voice. Then we listened to a band called Autumn Canon and i doodled an idea for their Tshirts which i am emailing them. We had dineer and then listened to Disco inferno and guess what they played disco *groan*. This is where i actually started to have fun though. I spotted Grant and his friend Eric so i went to hang out with them , following this i ran into so many people i know i ended up loosing count. In the end Harry, Tara Grant, eric and I were sitting in a circle on the ground playing with light up glowing necklaces and watching a pathetic firework show that sounded like a rice shaker.
Today
FINALLY SWIMMING!
I missed swimmign so much it wasnt even funny and ive kept having to reschedual my plans to go for various reasons. one of which was the haggling**. So I read a few more chapters of Shiver (because Vlad has been put on the back burner until tommorrow... only so much death and depression one can read in a week) And then Tara picked me up and we went to the Walter Baker. First i helped her pick out interesting books, including an abundance of Katherines by John Green :D. At the pool there was this guy doing insane dives. at one point i was scared he was going to break his back on the wall OPPOSITE the one he was diving from. We called him Autograph guy because we wanted his autograph however he left before we could ask at least his name. Then we went to buy lunch which ended up being sun chips, hoopies chips and three packages of gobstoppers. (one of which was free because the machine is awesome :D). My mom then drove us home. It was really fun.
Anthony mom and i then went shopping for food, had diner, and then watched hot tub time machine which was a horrible movie if i do say so myself. And that was my day :D
Jennifer
*Just a note. Remember how i mentioned my school was the friken showing house for all school gatherings and teacher confrences? Well while we were hiding from the rain there there was a sort of graduation going on. and it clearly was not ours because we dont have a graduating class.... seeing how the past semesters highest grade was 9. And next year will be 10. Unless we fell into some sort of time warp it doesnt seem likely
** A term that i learnt from ethan that means betting higher and lower to reach a common price with an opponent. Apparently this is a common term i however never knew the name.
June 27th:
I packed up my stuff and went to dads.... thats about it. i was really lazy to be honest. I read a lot of Vlad, The last confessions: The true story of the real Dracula.
Which interesting tidbit of information: Dracula comes from the romanian meaning Dracul-a, therefore translating to Dragon's Son. or Devil's Son. Ironic... or perhaps not, that the creulist and original vampires (a supposed creature of the devil) was in fact named as the devils son.
June 28th:
I actually got out of bed that day and after haggling with my father the night before for hours (which i forgot to mention) convinced him to let Ethan come over.. however leading to the cancellation of my wednesday plans. I digress.
I met up with ethan at the Park and we talked there for a bit until we decided to go to my school and meet up with Soul, Danielle and Chicky who i had seen passing and were heading there. however it started to rain on the way so after hiding out underneath the balcony of the entrance* we just decided to head home (to my home).
I was proud that my fatehr actually behaved himself around Ethan. I was quite shocked. At first it was sort of awkward but we did the tour a la maison, and then sorted through my millions of illegally burnt DVD colection (im kidding). We decided on national treasure 2 and Get Smart. During both movies we talked a lot only slightly paying attention. Then we had diner and got rained on so we headed inside. Halfway through my diner i gave up and had an insta-meal. damn springs. Anyways it was good. The Ethan headed home and i napped :P
June 29th
I read the rest on the Lightning Theif to my dad (its only taken a year and a half to complete -.-)
June 30th
I went back to my moms in the morning. Then After reading 3 chapters of Vlad (because its an insanely long novel and i havent finished) Emma came over. I've been attempting to set her up with Cori (yes the pied piper). First we went to the book store one last time before they introduce HST. I bough Shade and the first novel of the Nick Chronicles. Then at home we updated our book lists and made sure that next time we get together she brings me her other series'.
Then I called cori and after a long discussion of which park (meanwhile i new it would be the redpath park all along) Emma and i headed to the redpath park. There we met with Cori Jeff and..... srry i forget his name..... eesh. Anyways it was beyond awkward for most of the time... hell the entire time was really awkward.
July 1
CANADA DAY!!!!
Waking up we originally had plans to go to the parlement. Instead we had a huge breakfast with pancakes and saucages and fruit (which i couldnt eat -.-) and watched the Queen's boredom on TV. it amused me because i realized how much her job must suck. I always thought that it would be awesome but im starting to realize she does a lot of sitting and listening to people talk and probably not really caring at all :D. Also the look of just "get it over with" when the country band came on was priceless. Then around 1 we headed to the Barrhaven celebration past the Royal Oak. It was wuite boring for a while. We listened to this girl sing poppy music that i had no taste for, though i will give her she has a beautiful voice. Then we listened to a band called Autumn Canon and i doodled an idea for their Tshirts which i am emailing them. We had dineer and then listened to Disco inferno and guess what they played disco *groan*. This is where i actually started to have fun though. I spotted Grant and his friend Eric so i went to hang out with them , following this i ran into so many people i know i ended up loosing count. In the end Harry, Tara Grant, eric and I were sitting in a circle on the ground playing with light up glowing necklaces and watching a pathetic firework show that sounded like a rice shaker.
Today
FINALLY SWIMMING!
I missed swimmign so much it wasnt even funny and ive kept having to reschedual my plans to go for various reasons. one of which was the haggling**. So I read a few more chapters of Shiver (because Vlad has been put on the back burner until tommorrow... only so much death and depression one can read in a week) And then Tara picked me up and we went to the Walter Baker. First i helped her pick out interesting books, including an abundance of Katherines by John Green :D. At the pool there was this guy doing insane dives. at one point i was scared he was going to break his back on the wall OPPOSITE the one he was diving from. We called him Autograph guy because we wanted his autograph however he left before we could ask at least his name. Then we went to buy lunch which ended up being sun chips, hoopies chips and three packages of gobstoppers. (one of which was free because the machine is awesome :D). My mom then drove us home. It was really fun.
Anthony mom and i then went shopping for food, had diner, and then watched hot tub time machine which was a horrible movie if i do say so myself. And that was my day :D
Jennifer
*Just a note. Remember how i mentioned my school was the friken showing house for all school gatherings and teacher confrences? Well while we were hiding from the rain there there was a sort of graduation going on. and it clearly was not ours because we dont have a graduating class.... seeing how the past semesters highest grade was 9. And next year will be 10. Unless we fell into some sort of time warp it doesnt seem likely
** A term that i learnt from ethan that means betting higher and lower to reach a common price with an opponent. Apparently this is a common term i however never knew the name.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
summer!? SUMMER!!!!
welcome to my mind,
it seems that i've found myself in a period of silence. by this im refering to lifes noise. the constant moving, doing and thinking that preoccupies most of our lives. As it is today i find myself quiet for the first time in ages. So ill take this time to catch you all up in the month past.
the last time i blogged it was the ninth of june. I was just starting EQAO which signalled the start to the end. Following EQAO (which i got 98.3 % on) i had diner with my father then i did the two sections of my art exam. Following that i handed in my art summative (which was fabulous beyond human capabilities :P and took much too long in my opinion) then did both my english and my math summatives. Other than school exams (which i finished on the 17th) ive done a lot.
Sunday the 13th was the Cappies show. CAppies is an award show, like the tony's but for high school theater in ottawa. We had been nominated for 9 awards (it being our first year of producton is amazing) and we won for best lighting crew. Matty enlightened us all with his touching speech, and i quote "uhhhh thank you mr monchezuki!!".... and then walked off stage. trully wonderful. When asked about it Mr Monchezuki tells that "he mentioned all the important people!" whilst Sasha said things more along the lines of, "no its not the fabulous complection of the actors that helped, or the stage managment..... please dont make me laugh" with heavy sarcasm.
:D i sound so reporter like.
Lets see... after my math exam i went to the Library and met up with Ian. We talked for hours about different books and movies and had an altogehter good time. it was especially funny when my old hommies from SWC, lyndsay, vikki, and chanelle showed up.. really crept up, and for sure thought we were dating. it was awkward beyond belief and got a good laugh. :P
The next day (the 18th) Emmie came over. Together we watched about an entire season of lie to me, read an entire book, and uhhh.... walked around my neighbourhood. during this proccess it however started raining thus giving me 7 blisters which was essentially the highlight of my day. Emma left the 19th and i went for dinner once again at my fathers.
It was about this time actually that i began talking with emma's ex, and justins friend, and athina's friend, ethan/ bunny/gooldfish/ginger . I admit we got along flamazingly from the start.
The monday the 21'st i dropped by the school (exams were still going on... but i was done for the semester),m i got the rest of the Wicked series by gregory maguire from mme cheung, and then hung out with cat till about one. Then i got home and talked more with ethan. in this conversation we made plans to go to the park the next day.
So Tuesday the 22nd (also my sisters birthday) i meet ethan at the park and we hang out practically all day. We started at the park past the fire station. Talking there and chilling, then we went to riocan, got blizzards , following a long bike ride to john mccrae's park. There we voice overed a soccer thing with a mom and two kids, went forest exploring, ethan sucked the life out of jorje the bird and told me about jorje the velociraptor. Also we climbed a tree, ethan scalled a play structure and probably ripped his pants pocket on the slide :P. It was fun.
Next day wednesday the 23'rd i threw a BBQ for FINALLY END OF EXAMS!!!!! Athina, erin, emma, and ethan came. others were invited but couldnt come. by this point i have already explained to emma that i like ethan and probly he I, and i knew she was sad but i couldnt help it. they were over, and it hadnt really been that long of a time they were together.... still i was a horrible friend.... she told me to go ahead so i did... Anyways i told ethan i like him, and yea. Anywyas BBQ... we discovered that ethans headphones are louder than my radio speakers. we also talked about various things and it was great to just hang out. Also the most rediculous name EVER was discovered by emma. unfortunately i cant even tell you what it is because its impossible to remember it was something like 24 letters or something... stupid name honestly. So we had dinner hung out some more, then my mom drove ethan and emma home and i hopped on msn. I had been planing on asking Ethan out, but before i could he beat me to the punchline. Soo Ethan and I are in fact dating now. He's awesome and any readers who will never meeet him take my word for it. He's ginger.hence his nickname, really curly hair, taller than justin, but more solid as well, really nice eyes, kind features..... you know im tempted just to put a photo up, but he doesnt really photograph well. Anyways he's funny and great to be around and good looking.
Then the 24th i had an ortho appointment to get my springs in. one of the worse experiences of my life.... i can't close my jaw anymore and there are metal sticky puts jutting out of my cheek, so not fun. i might get them taken out early, i swear they are that bad. they make having perfect teeth a question of "is it worth it?!" braces hurt like hell but nothing like this. Imagine a 500 pount man hanging on to your bottom jaw at all times. yea yea... thats right horrible horrible amount of pressure. i feel like my teeth are going to pop! even though my dentis assures me they wont.
Finally yesturday. it was a busy day. First thing in the morning i cleaned my entire room did my bed the dishes. Then i went to the park and met ethan (whenever i refer to park and ethan at the same time assume the park past the fire station and not the one near me, near the shcool or near erin.) I got there first and decided to wait on the rock edge. We talked there for a bit and i got assaulted by ants. Apparently im too delicious to pass up :P. Then we biked to his house (and jesus christ, heaven hell underworl goddes god, almighty ITS FAR!!!! and the amount of times im going to bike that i swear by the end of summer my legs will be tank. Now its not so much far and UPHILL. its sooo hard to bike. back isnt so bad, but thats down hill) So we ran into his friend jon. The three of us went to a park neaar ethans house which wasnt that interesting, then we all biked to the quicky and jon bought us each a drink (thank you jon) and then we biked to ethans place. this is where jon leaves and i slowly meet his family. First i met his older sister, then his brother, then his dad, then his mother, then his younger sister. Big family. They all seemed like nice interesting people. Though like ethan said they dont look alike, except maybe for their eyes.
Anyways, we talked on hi deck in the backyard for a bit, then we watched dodgeball the movie. it was hilarious. I then biked home got my purse made an instant breakfast (cause i cant eat solid food i mean i seriously spend 2 hours eating half a bagel and then jsut gave up) and biked back. by this point im seriously thinking of passing out. Then i get to his house and his brother adam drives me ethan and justin to the coliseum. there we met up with rachel and oscar. I had never met rachel before and she seemed nice. We watched the A-team and it was one of the best movies ive seen in a while. following they played a gmae of DDR and i video taped the failure. and uhh.... yea then we went home.
it was a blast.
As for today i realized it was summer like really it hit me like wow... im really in summer now YAY!!!!!! lol then i decided i was going to make a slideshow of summer because i think this summer will be awesome
the only bad part of the summer is going to be being ditched by Ethan. He's going to israel for a month +. But when he gets back we are telling eachother all the stories of our adventures :Plol like old people :D who are awesome.
So plans for the not so distant summer:
Anthony gets here... any minute now.
im at my dads from the 27th to the 30th
29th im going to the walter baker pool with ethan
the 30th ethan leaves for quebec
i go to the parlement with mom and tony on the 1st of july (canada day)
ethan gets back the 4th,
5th were haning out
and the 6th im heading to niagra while ethan hops on a plane to israel.
i get back the 8th.
i set up for the band the 10th.
our first practice is the 12th, as is when aanthony leaves again
theres a beach party @ britania the 17th
then not really anything.
An ortho appointment the 29th
Ethan gets back the 12th of august
some point iim going to Rick's at the cottage for a weekend. and then going camping with gramama.
until later moments of quiet
contently
Jennifer
later that night.....
Ethan just reminded me that the birds name was fernandes and my grade 3 lizard was jorje.... soo oops.
Also refering back to a few posts ago when i explained frienquences we made up a new term Loke. more than like but less than love.
so terms go
stranger
aquantence
frienquence
friend
best friend
Like
Loke
love
PPS ethan just reminded me of the 5.5 earthquake we had.... but ill just have to remember to add that in next post
it seems that i've found myself in a period of silence. by this im refering to lifes noise. the constant moving, doing and thinking that preoccupies most of our lives. As it is today i find myself quiet for the first time in ages. So ill take this time to catch you all up in the month past.
the last time i blogged it was the ninth of june. I was just starting EQAO which signalled the start to the end. Following EQAO (which i got 98.3 % on) i had diner with my father then i did the two sections of my art exam. Following that i handed in my art summative (which was fabulous beyond human capabilities :P and took much too long in my opinion) then did both my english and my math summatives. Other than school exams (which i finished on the 17th) ive done a lot.
Sunday the 13th was the Cappies show. CAppies is an award show, like the tony's but for high school theater in ottawa. We had been nominated for 9 awards (it being our first year of producton is amazing) and we won for best lighting crew. Matty enlightened us all with his touching speech, and i quote "uhhhh thank you mr monchezuki!!".... and then walked off stage. trully wonderful. When asked about it Mr Monchezuki tells that "he mentioned all the important people!" whilst Sasha said things more along the lines of, "no its not the fabulous complection of the actors that helped, or the stage managment..... please dont make me laugh" with heavy sarcasm.
:D i sound so reporter like.
Lets see... after my math exam i went to the Library and met up with Ian. We talked for hours about different books and movies and had an altogehter good time. it was especially funny when my old hommies from SWC, lyndsay, vikki, and chanelle showed up.. really crept up, and for sure thought we were dating. it was awkward beyond belief and got a good laugh. :P
The next day (the 18th) Emmie came over. Together we watched about an entire season of lie to me, read an entire book, and uhhh.... walked around my neighbourhood. during this proccess it however started raining thus giving me 7 blisters which was essentially the highlight of my day. Emma left the 19th and i went for dinner once again at my fathers.
It was about this time actually that i began talking with emma's ex, and justins friend, and athina's friend, ethan/ bunny/gooldfish/ginger . I admit we got along flamazingly from the start.
The monday the 21'st i dropped by the school (exams were still going on... but i was done for the semester),m i got the rest of the Wicked series by gregory maguire from mme cheung, and then hung out with cat till about one. Then i got home and talked more with ethan. in this conversation we made plans to go to the park the next day.
So Tuesday the 22nd (also my sisters birthday) i meet ethan at the park and we hang out practically all day. We started at the park past the fire station. Talking there and chilling, then we went to riocan, got blizzards , following a long bike ride to john mccrae's park. There we voice overed a soccer thing with a mom and two kids, went forest exploring, ethan sucked the life out of jorje the bird and told me about jorje the velociraptor. Also we climbed a tree, ethan scalled a play structure and probably ripped his pants pocket on the slide :P. It was fun.
Next day wednesday the 23'rd i threw a BBQ for FINALLY END OF EXAMS!!!!! Athina, erin, emma, and ethan came. others were invited but couldnt come. by this point i have already explained to emma that i like ethan and probly he I, and i knew she was sad but i couldnt help it. they were over, and it hadnt really been that long of a time they were together.... still i was a horrible friend.... she told me to go ahead so i did... Anyways i told ethan i like him, and yea. Anywyas BBQ... we discovered that ethans headphones are louder than my radio speakers. we also talked about various things and it was great to just hang out. Also the most rediculous name EVER was discovered by emma. unfortunately i cant even tell you what it is because its impossible to remember it was something like 24 letters or something... stupid name honestly. So we had dinner hung out some more, then my mom drove ethan and emma home and i hopped on msn. I had been planing on asking Ethan out, but before i could he beat me to the punchline. Soo Ethan and I are in fact dating now. He's awesome and any readers who will never meeet him take my word for it. He's ginger.hence his nickname, really curly hair, taller than justin, but more solid as well, really nice eyes, kind features..... you know im tempted just to put a photo up, but he doesnt really photograph well. Anyways he's funny and great to be around and good looking.
Then the 24th i had an ortho appointment to get my springs in. one of the worse experiences of my life.... i can't close my jaw anymore and there are metal sticky puts jutting out of my cheek, so not fun. i might get them taken out early, i swear they are that bad. they make having perfect teeth a question of "is it worth it?!" braces hurt like hell but nothing like this. Imagine a 500 pount man hanging on to your bottom jaw at all times. yea yea... thats right horrible horrible amount of pressure. i feel like my teeth are going to pop! even though my dentis assures me they wont.
Finally yesturday. it was a busy day. First thing in the morning i cleaned my entire room did my bed the dishes. Then i went to the park and met ethan (whenever i refer to park and ethan at the same time assume the park past the fire station and not the one near me, near the shcool or near erin.) I got there first and decided to wait on the rock edge. We talked there for a bit and i got assaulted by ants. Apparently im too delicious to pass up :P. Then we biked to his house (and jesus christ, heaven hell underworl goddes god, almighty ITS FAR!!!! and the amount of times im going to bike that i swear by the end of summer my legs will be tank. Now its not so much far and UPHILL. its sooo hard to bike. back isnt so bad, but thats down hill) So we ran into his friend jon. The three of us went to a park neaar ethans house which wasnt that interesting, then we all biked to the quicky and jon bought us each a drink (thank you jon) and then we biked to ethans place. this is where jon leaves and i slowly meet his family. First i met his older sister, then his brother, then his dad, then his mother, then his younger sister. Big family. They all seemed like nice interesting people. Though like ethan said they dont look alike, except maybe for their eyes.
Anyways, we talked on hi deck in the backyard for a bit, then we watched dodgeball the movie. it was hilarious. I then biked home got my purse made an instant breakfast (cause i cant eat solid food i mean i seriously spend 2 hours eating half a bagel and then jsut gave up) and biked back. by this point im seriously thinking of passing out. Then i get to his house and his brother adam drives me ethan and justin to the coliseum. there we met up with rachel and oscar. I had never met rachel before and she seemed nice. We watched the A-team and it was one of the best movies ive seen in a while. following they played a gmae of DDR and i video taped the failure. and uhh.... yea then we went home.
it was a blast.
As for today i realized it was summer like really it hit me like wow... im really in summer now YAY!!!!!! lol then i decided i was going to make a slideshow of summer because i think this summer will be awesome
the only bad part of the summer is going to be being ditched by Ethan. He's going to israel for a month +. But when he gets back we are telling eachother all the stories of our adventures :Plol like old people :D who are awesome.
So plans for the not so distant summer:
Anthony gets here... any minute now.
im at my dads from the 27th to the 30th
29th im going to the walter baker pool with ethan
the 30th ethan leaves for quebec
i go to the parlement with mom and tony on the 1st of july (canada day)
ethan gets back the 4th,
5th were haning out
and the 6th im heading to niagra while ethan hops on a plane to israel.
i get back the 8th.
i set up for the band the 10th.
our first practice is the 12th, as is when aanthony leaves again
theres a beach party @ britania the 17th
then not really anything.
An ortho appointment the 29th
Ethan gets back the 12th of august
some point iim going to Rick's at the cottage for a weekend. and then going camping with gramama.
until later moments of quiet
contently
Jennifer
later that night.....
Ethan just reminded me that the birds name was fernandes and my grade 3 lizard was jorje.... soo oops.
Also refering back to a few posts ago when i explained frienquences we made up a new term Loke. more than like but less than love.
so terms go
stranger
aquantence
frienquence
friend
best friend
Like
Loke
love
PPS ethan just reminded me of the 5.5 earthquake we had.... but ill just have to remember to add that in next post
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
nearly the end or the beginnign
hello readers,
Theres so much to tell and no idea where to begin.
I went to the farm over the weekend hung out with Annie and Mitch, that was fun. they got sooo many new animals though Roody the horse was by far my favorite.
Summatives are nearly done, exams are on their way, and im actually not stressed anymore. i found balance in my schedual thank the gods. Also probably due with jamming in everything so to not procrastinate and now being able to relaxe, or my talk with Mme Cheung and Mrs Jensen after school for like an hour (IM GETTING A NEW SILVER OWL NECKLACE FROM GRECE!!!! mrs jensen said she'd get me one as a fellow Athena follower!!! im sooooo friken happy, and mme was like i have to eye of athena i could give you which brings good luck!! :D ).
actually my school year's almost over....
tomorrow - EQAO (math summative)
Friday - Art critique exam
monday - Art history and technique exam & gym summative due
tuesday- art summative due
wednesday -english exam
thursday - math exam
then done!!! its nearly the end of the beginning of high school!
Following are my summer plans.
ive decided that i might as well stop buying books because i dont have the money... though i no longer have to pay my dad off, and i will be working this summer i might still buy a few (i have to stay a platinum member after all) so ill be going to the library over the summer.
Also im going camping with my gramama for 2 weeks writing my book obviously. Actually i probably finish.
oh! and piece de resistance: My friend ian and i have always discussed music, and thats always been our thing, so anyways he's starting a band and im in it!!! woot woot so ill be doing that over the summer.
Jen
Theres so much to tell and no idea where to begin.
I went to the farm over the weekend hung out with Annie and Mitch, that was fun. they got sooo many new animals though Roody the horse was by far my favorite.
Summatives are nearly done, exams are on their way, and im actually not stressed anymore. i found balance in my schedual thank the gods. Also probably due with jamming in everything so to not procrastinate and now being able to relaxe, or my talk with Mme Cheung and Mrs Jensen after school for like an hour (IM GETTING A NEW SILVER OWL NECKLACE FROM GRECE!!!! mrs jensen said she'd get me one as a fellow Athena follower!!! im sooooo friken happy, and mme was like i have to eye of athena i could give you which brings good luck!! :D ).
actually my school year's almost over....
tomorrow - EQAO (math summative)
Friday - Art critique exam
monday - Art history and technique exam & gym summative due
tuesday- art summative due
wednesday -english exam
thursday - math exam
then done!!! its nearly the end of the beginning of high school!
Following are my summer plans.
ive decided that i might as well stop buying books because i dont have the money... though i no longer have to pay my dad off, and i will be working this summer i might still buy a few (i have to stay a platinum member after all) so ill be going to the library over the summer.
Also im going camping with my gramama for 2 weeks writing my book obviously. Actually i probably finish.
oh! and piece de resistance: My friend ian and i have always discussed music, and thats always been our thing, so anyways he's starting a band and im in it!!! woot woot so ill be doing that over the summer.
Jen
Sunday, May 30, 2010
oops
damn i just realized that my post was accidentally put on the wrong site... and that actually two posts had been put there.
so my newspaper extravaganza, and my time well wasted posts are on www.sybil-gothgirl.blogspot.com sorry
so my newspaper extravaganza, and my time well wasted posts are on www.sybil-gothgirl.blogspot.com sorry
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Goddess help
okay a few things to go over.
I'm no longer with anthony, it just didnt work.
i'm really great friends with jordan now, and today i did ask him out again, i mean we both care about each other a lot, and though he hasnt decided we both agreed that the friendship is more important, no matter what.
Yes i'd be sad if he said no, but i'd get through it, I'd have to because i love being friends with him. He's sweet and caring, and to be honest i need someone to talk to and hug when things are tough.I want to be there for him, plus I need someone to hang out with on weekends, so go to the park after school and just hang out. ( i love emmie and athina and all, but living where they are they just arent desponible!{for lack of a better word}) And frankly, i need a best friend.
So this'll work. Because i care, and i trust him, and i like him a lot, and no matter what i want to be with him in someway. Goddess help me i hope he feels the same.
Jen
Ps: on the topic of Goddess bless..... i lost my Athena necklace during gym, the cord broke during outdoor gym, and i can;t find it.... Jeese i hope i do, that necklace means so much to me. I'd love anyone who found it. i honestly would.
I'm no longer with anthony, it just didnt work.
i'm really great friends with jordan now, and today i did ask him out again, i mean we both care about each other a lot, and though he hasnt decided we both agreed that the friendship is more important, no matter what.
Yes i'd be sad if he said no, but i'd get through it, I'd have to because i love being friends with him. He's sweet and caring, and to be honest i need someone to talk to and hug when things are tough.I want to be there for him, plus I need someone to hang out with on weekends, so go to the park after school and just hang out. ( i love emmie and athina and all, but living where they are they just arent desponible!{for lack of a better word}) And frankly, i need a best friend.
So this'll work. Because i care, and i trust him, and i like him a lot, and no matter what i want to be with him in someway. Goddess help me i hope he feels the same.
Jen
Ps: on the topic of Goddess bless..... i lost my Athena necklace during gym, the cord broke during outdoor gym, and i can;t find it.... Jeese i hope i do, that necklace means so much to me. I'd love anyone who found it. i honestly would.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
no more
I'm tired of being ignored. Of being passed over as useless and I'm tired of being talked over, and of having my conversations timed. I'm tired of being overlooked. So you know what now im just not going to talk. Unless it's important I'm just not going to say anything. Not a word to anyone who never listens. Then when people start missing my insights, and conversation they'll start to listen.
People will have to listen when i tlk because itll be so rarely that they'll know its important.
For those who listened before life will go on as it was, but for those who ignored me, or timed me when i talked, or talked over me.... well no more.
Jen
Ps do you ever notice how loud french people talk. I have like a constant head ache
People will have to listen when i tlk because itll be so rarely that they'll know its important.
For those who listened before life will go on as it was, but for those who ignored me, or timed me when i talked, or talked over me.... well no more.
Jen
Ps do you ever notice how loud french people talk. I have like a constant head ache
Friday, May 7, 2010
8 points
I have a few things to talk about today and to make it easier to follow ill number them.
1.Interesting little bit of information... i jsut published in the local newspaper!!! yes. After the musical i was asked to write a review about my time in the musical. I expected just to get quoted or something, but no. I got an entire page to myself !!! It's stupendous!!! :P
2.We striked the stage which was fun. I brought home an Audrey II named persephone (which is my current hank plant*) A bamboo pole. a poster and a tulip. Also i brought an extra advertisement poster.
3. I did spring cleaning at my moms... and now my room is shockingly empty. Its remarkable really.... My dresser is like empty... I have like nothing on anysurfaces in my room that i thought were packed with important stuff (which turned out to be consisting of mostly junk) . I reorganized all my boxes and things... and put up my article poster, and audrey II on my wall.
4. I'm now dating Anthony, from the musical. Though he's a grade 8 i really like him.
5. My grama is coming over
6. I started knitting again
7. the guy that came to fix my house was actually a really nice quebecois guy.
8... i think thats it for now.
Im tired good night
JEn
*Hank plant... go fellow nerdfighters. If you have no idea what I'm talking about search Vlogbrothers on youtube and DFTBA.
1.Interesting little bit of information... i jsut published in the local newspaper!!! yes. After the musical i was asked to write a review about my time in the musical. I expected just to get quoted or something, but no. I got an entire page to myself !!! It's stupendous!!! :P
2.We striked the stage which was fun. I brought home an Audrey II named persephone (which is my current hank plant*) A bamboo pole. a poster and a tulip. Also i brought an extra advertisement poster.
3. I did spring cleaning at my moms... and now my room is shockingly empty. Its remarkable really.... My dresser is like empty... I have like nothing on anysurfaces in my room that i thought were packed with important stuff (which turned out to be consisting of mostly junk) . I reorganized all my boxes and things... and put up my article poster, and audrey II on my wall.
4. I'm now dating Anthony, from the musical. Though he's a grade 8 i really like him.
5. My grama is coming over
6. I started knitting again
7. the guy that came to fix my house was actually a really nice quebecois guy.
8... i think thats it for now.
Im tired good night
JEn
*Hank plant... go fellow nerdfighters. If you have no idea what I'm talking about search Vlogbrothers on youtube and DFTBA.
Monday, May 3, 2010
carbon monoxide
Interesting food for thought: Pigeons cannot lay eggs unless they are in the pressence of another prigeon. Her overies will not work unless she is looking at a pigeon.... in absense of another pigeon her own reflection will do. How Narcicistic.
as for another tid bit of information. CArbon monoxide sucks... a lot.
This affternoon i got home from a particularly pleasant day to find out im not aloud into my own home because we had a carbon monoxide leak. So now i am doomed to my front lawn for another 4 hours... and im starving.
So readers if you have food handy, eat some for me now please.
On the bright side, it isn't raining or cold. Its a very warm spring day. There are soft fluffy clouds and im sitting in the shade watching as the sun's rays glint off a nearby tree, fresh with new leaves.
So now i await our saviors the gas line people... who will probably be fat middle aged men who they they are better than everyone else which is completely absurd because they probably didn't even go to university. Our world doesn't need any more malvolio's.
People who don't get that reference, i implore you read shakespeare. And never ever ever say that he is boring. Only people with simple minds think that shakespeare in any form is boring. He's probably the best poet laureate our world will ever see. His words are but an extension of himself. I adore his work.
something i don't adore however are french peopl (anne) who write about egyptian art. In art class which i take in french we are currently studying about egyptian graphing and their proportion systems. However the article we are forced to read is impecably filled with the most inane run on sentences. Soemtimes i do catch myself in a rant... but this makes me look like mary friken poppins!!!
So i have discovered a new loathing for this authors writings.
I suppose i should make so head way in my homework... i however feel very opposed to that idea as i sit here talking to you.
So the musical is now over... officially as of today. We striked the set after school today... and now i fear ill greatly miss my grade eight friends that i have made. Liek sarah, and rebekah, and anthony, and liya and kaylene, oh I'm sad now.
I hope that we st---- OH YES!!! the gas guy just showed up. Thank the gods! though he is talking on the phone and has yet to leave his truck i can tell you that he is driving a large red pick up truck, is bald, and has this goatee thing going on.... this should be interesting.
a talleur
Jen
as for another tid bit of information. CArbon monoxide sucks... a lot.
This affternoon i got home from a particularly pleasant day to find out im not aloud into my own home because we had a carbon monoxide leak. So now i am doomed to my front lawn for another 4 hours... and im starving.
So readers if you have food handy, eat some for me now please.
On the bright side, it isn't raining or cold. Its a very warm spring day. There are soft fluffy clouds and im sitting in the shade watching as the sun's rays glint off a nearby tree, fresh with new leaves.
So now i await our saviors the gas line people... who will probably be fat middle aged men who they they are better than everyone else which is completely absurd because they probably didn't even go to university. Our world doesn't need any more malvolio's.
People who don't get that reference, i implore you read shakespeare. And never ever ever say that he is boring. Only people with simple minds think that shakespeare in any form is boring. He's probably the best poet laureate our world will ever see. His words are but an extension of himself. I adore his work.
something i don't adore however are french peopl (anne) who write about egyptian art. In art class which i take in french we are currently studying about egyptian graphing and their proportion systems. However the article we are forced to read is impecably filled with the most inane run on sentences. Soemtimes i do catch myself in a rant... but this makes me look like mary friken poppins!!!
So i have discovered a new loathing for this authors writings.
I suppose i should make so head way in my homework... i however feel very opposed to that idea as i sit here talking to you.
So the musical is now over... officially as of today. We striked the set after school today... and now i fear ill greatly miss my grade eight friends that i have made. Liek sarah, and rebekah, and anthony, and liya and kaylene, oh I'm sad now.
I hope that we st---- OH YES!!! the gas guy just showed up. Thank the gods! though he is talking on the phone and has yet to leave his truck i can tell you that he is driving a large red pick up truck, is bald, and has this goatee thing going on.... this should be interesting.
a talleur
Jen
Monday, April 26, 2010
over
Jordan and I are over. This morning he said that he needed to talk to me, though it was "nothing bad"... following that was a day of conversations i couldnt follow. awkward group enterrings where i knew they were talking about me... and of course the looks... all in all by the end of the day i had pretty much figured it out.
It was then explained to me that he had felt pressured into it. not by like a person just like overall. and he didn't feel that happy relationship sensation. On top of that dissapointment i was too clingy. All i said was okay *hug* and then leave. Sure i felt like crying... i was sad... i still am. but i just couldnt do it there you know? i hate that look. that sympathetic oh poor dear look.
On the way home, I walked, wanted to think things through only Lyndsay (my nextdoor neighbour) decided to walk with me. The girl wouldnt shut up. AND jordan was walking home with Zach and Chris not 10 feet behind me. I tried not to hear him laughing like nothing had changed. I guess for him it hadn't.... I myself have never been dumped before... well i have but never by someone ive really cared about before.
Anyways now thinking back i understand the other remarks but clingy ?? So it's not like something i can help. I've spent my entire life being abandonned, so of course im going to hold on to someone i like. But he could have told me, and we would have talked. I'm not unreasonable. I know its one of my faults. I'd have worked on it. It's not like the equator, theres no map for this invisible line. Every person has a different deffinition as to where clingy is.
oh well, its too late now.
Thing is..... i didn't even know. I didn't know.
It was then explained to me that he had felt pressured into it. not by like a person just like overall. and he didn't feel that happy relationship sensation. On top of that dissapointment i was too clingy. All i said was okay *hug* and then leave. Sure i felt like crying... i was sad... i still am. but i just couldnt do it there you know? i hate that look. that sympathetic oh poor dear look.
On the way home, I walked, wanted to think things through only Lyndsay (my nextdoor neighbour) decided to walk with me. The girl wouldnt shut up. AND jordan was walking home with Zach and Chris not 10 feet behind me. I tried not to hear him laughing like nothing had changed. I guess for him it hadn't.... I myself have never been dumped before... well i have but never by someone ive really cared about before.
Anyways now thinking back i understand the other remarks but clingy ?? So it's not like something i can help. I've spent my entire life being abandonned, so of course im going to hold on to someone i like. But he could have told me, and we would have talked. I'm not unreasonable. I know its one of my faults. I'd have worked on it. It's not like the equator, theres no map for this invisible line. Every person has a different deffinition as to where clingy is.
oh well, its too late now.
Thing is..... i didn't even know. I didn't know.
Friday, April 23, 2010
stereotypical cast.. not
The stereotypical drama club geek: peppy, happy, energized, and flamboyant.
The reality though somewhat more boring and less excentric is I. For I am in the musical, and hardy participant, though a shorter role (pardon the pun) still fully participating. And I vouch for the rest of the cast when i say; We are all tired!! Today at practice everyone was so tired we slothed through most of the pieces, shoved them together, and fell into fits of giggling over rediculous comments. It went like this...
Due to over practicing, and months of review and review... we are now at the stage where everything is prepared and now it is time to show... only we are all dead tired from lack of sleep... and or exhaustion because of stress.... I fall into category number two... it probably doesn't help that there's a virus going around the cast... horrible timing i might add.
So we had our final practice today, so here is my schedual for the next week:
Saturday- filming
Sunday- relaxation, family diner with steve*
Monday-preshow
Tuesday-Preshow
Wednesday- Preformance
Thursday- Performance
Friday-Performance
Saturday-Performance
Sunday- relaxation and cast party.
I had planned to continue more with this, but i'm so tired im falling asleep where i sit. I'll blog tomorrow when i get back from filming.
Jen
PS: I'm starting to get really agrivated with my mother calling me stupid, insignificant, an idiot... and many other forms of degrading terms. (such as lier, bitch, slut etc etc)
*Yes you know that huge falling out with my uncle a few months back when he turned all loonie toons and my grandmother had to get him arrested for his own safety??!! Well we are trying to work past this little insident by doing what my family does best. Make huge diners, argue, scream, cry, and then move on. Sounds like fun.
The reality though somewhat more boring and less excentric is I. For I am in the musical, and hardy participant, though a shorter role (pardon the pun) still fully participating. And I vouch for the rest of the cast when i say; We are all tired!! Today at practice everyone was so tired we slothed through most of the pieces, shoved them together, and fell into fits of giggling over rediculous comments. It went like this...
Due to over practicing, and months of review and review... we are now at the stage where everything is prepared and now it is time to show... only we are all dead tired from lack of sleep... and or exhaustion because of stress.... I fall into category number two... it probably doesn't help that there's a virus going around the cast... horrible timing i might add.
So we had our final practice today, so here is my schedual for the next week:
Saturday- filming
Sunday- relaxation, family diner with steve*
Monday-preshow
Tuesday-Preshow
Wednesday- Preformance
Thursday- Performance
Friday-Performance
Saturday-Performance
Sunday- relaxation and cast party.
I had planned to continue more with this, but i'm so tired im falling asleep where i sit. I'll blog tomorrow when i get back from filming.
Jen
PS: I'm starting to get really agrivated with my mother calling me stupid, insignificant, an idiot... and many other forms of degrading terms. (such as lier, bitch, slut etc etc)
*Yes you know that huge falling out with my uncle a few months back when he turned all loonie toons and my grandmother had to get him arrested for his own safety??!! Well we are trying to work past this little insident by doing what my family does best. Make huge diners, argue, scream, cry, and then move on. Sounds like fun.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Hello all people of the blogging world... or i suppose relitively small amount of people from the blogging communty... I don't really have much to say but I'm sitting in the library waiting for jordan as he writes his science essay minutes before it's due... yes very smart :P
I've managed to finish my own essay earlyer yesturday evening, and am correcting it tonight. That's all that i have as per news..... yeah.... We finished the gas mask for the musical in my first period class, as i waited for my potery to dry. Its fantabulous if i do say so myself. I'll post the pictures after the show.
Ummmm thats really all i have to say... my days been relitively unaventful.
byes for now.
Jen
I've managed to finish my own essay earlyer yesturday evening, and am correcting it tonight. That's all that i have as per news..... yeah.... We finished the gas mask for the musical in my first period class, as i waited for my potery to dry. Its fantabulous if i do say so myself. I'll post the pictures after the show.
Ummmm thats really all i have to say... my days been relitively unaventful.
byes for now.
Jen
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Jordan, a personal outline
Okay finally i have caught five minutes to myself. I'm going to write about Jordan, like i promised.
last year was when we really met, and that was because he was on my bus. turns out that we have a lot in common. We like the same music, we have the same sense of humor, etcetera.
He's a really good actor, and us super funny. Not to mention one of the nicest guys i know.
When i say jordan's kind, i don't mean like "aww that's nice" kind, i mean like "AWWWW *faint from awesomeness*" kind. PERFECT example yesturday this was out convo*:
Jordan: have i ever told you how gorgeous your eyes are?
Jennifer: umm no. Are they?
Jordan: yeah they tell a tale of all the heart ache you've dealt with but they also are a gate way to your heart and the pure beauty that it holds. And when i look into your eyes I realize you are the most amazing person ever. Your eyes just sparkle like stars in the sky.
Queue faint--->
see AWWW doesn't cover it. BAsically he's perfect. Sometimes when he holds me its just like heart melt! my insides are like a fondu. and he makes me feel special. Also he's handsome, but ot vain, and not self centered. Thing is, he doesn't even realize how awesome he is.
One of his best traits, i find, is how easy he is to talk to. He listens, and i think that he even understands what it's like you know? I want to tell him everything thats happened in my life, and some things, i haven't told anyone. Not even Lee. He's special, i hope this lasts a longtime, he's exactly what i need.
xo, Jen
*yes jordan i told you i was going to quote this!!!
last year was when we really met, and that was because he was on my bus. turns out that we have a lot in common. We like the same music, we have the same sense of humor, etcetera.
He's a really good actor, and us super funny. Not to mention one of the nicest guys i know.
When i say jordan's kind, i don't mean like "aww that's nice" kind, i mean like "AWWWW *faint from awesomeness*" kind. PERFECT example yesturday this was out convo*:
Jordan: have i ever told you how gorgeous your eyes are?
Jennifer: umm no. Are they?
Jordan: yeah they tell a tale of all the heart ache you've dealt with but they also are a gate way to your heart and the pure beauty that it holds. And when i look into your eyes I realize you are the most amazing person ever. Your eyes just sparkle like stars in the sky.
Queue faint--->
see AWWW doesn't cover it. BAsically he's perfect. Sometimes when he holds me its just like heart melt! my insides are like a fondu. and he makes me feel special. Also he's handsome, but ot vain, and not self centered. Thing is, he doesn't even realize how awesome he is.
One of his best traits, i find, is how easy he is to talk to. He listens, and i think that he even understands what it's like you know? I want to tell him everything thats happened in my life, and some things, i haven't told anyone. Not even Lee. He's special, i hope this lasts a longtime, he's exactly what i need.
xo, Jen
*yes jordan i told you i was going to quote this!!!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
GOLD
OH MY GOD one last thing before i officially sign off that i can't believe i forgot to mention!!! BAND!!!!
on monday we had a competition at woodroffe high. WE GOT GOLD!!!
Basically I got drivin by pickles and on the way there we had to stop and get air for the tires, at the gas station there was this lady who slapped herslef with the door of her car and then pretended it didnt happen it was soo funny.
Then once there we got lost within the first five minutes, and i am not exagerating when i say this school is a laberynth. So finally we arrived at our room with help of some creepy old janitor, and well you know how warm up rooms usually are (loud noisy and not usually on task) we basically just hung out for a bit. Then Tara and I were appointed task of Group representatives and emmcee's. so on the spot we had to write a speech which I'd say went well. Anyways we finally were brought onto the stage to present to the juges ( we were the last band to preform) and though i though we sucked by what we could have done, Some Irish piccolo player ( who was the judge) that played for the queen for 10 years was all like LDHSS YOU WERE FANTASTIC you deffinatly deserve gold!!
I swear i swollowed my tongue right there on the stage. Or atleast i gasped like a fish out of water for a few moments. Once in the hall i started dancing like a lunatic and waltzing with pickles and ryan though neither one of them can waltz very well. After we were outside i was informed that Pickles' brothers had now appointed themselves as my miniature entourage. WHich i thought was soo cute. anyways we sat in her car and sang beatles songs for a while and then went home. At which point i passed out on the couch and woke up the next morning.
And that is the story of how i won gold!
Jen
on monday we had a competition at woodroffe high. WE GOT GOLD!!!
Basically I got drivin by pickles and on the way there we had to stop and get air for the tires, at the gas station there was this lady who slapped herslef with the door of her car and then pretended it didnt happen it was soo funny.
Then once there we got lost within the first five minutes, and i am not exagerating when i say this school is a laberynth. So finally we arrived at our room with help of some creepy old janitor, and well you know how warm up rooms usually are (loud noisy and not usually on task) we basically just hung out for a bit. Then Tara and I were appointed task of Group representatives and emmcee's. so on the spot we had to write a speech which I'd say went well. Anyways we finally were brought onto the stage to present to the juges ( we were the last band to preform) and though i though we sucked by what we could have done, Some Irish piccolo player ( who was the judge) that played for the queen for 10 years was all like LDHSS YOU WERE FANTASTIC you deffinatly deserve gold!!
I swear i swollowed my tongue right there on the stage. Or atleast i gasped like a fish out of water for a few moments. Once in the hall i started dancing like a lunatic and waltzing with pickles and ryan though neither one of them can waltz very well. After we were outside i was informed that Pickles' brothers had now appointed themselves as my miniature entourage. WHich i thought was soo cute. anyways we sat in her car and sang beatles songs for a while and then went home. At which point i passed out on the couch and woke up the next morning.
And that is the story of how i won gold!
Jen
Sudden Fatigue
Hello. Okay i know im a horrible procrastinator and i should be writing but honesdtly lately i've just been so tired i havent gotten the chance. I guess i should explain the reason for my sudden fatigue. If it wasn't obcious to those who know me it's because of the crunch time in the approachement of the musical. ontop of homework, job, and book. I'm a good multi tasker, but not that good.
So instead of complaining I'm going to follow a more positive approach to the situation and though tiring, explain what exactly it is we do at practices.
Monday's I work on props, and puppets with Mme Cheung (Irene), Tuesday's Cast rehearsals, Wednesday props, thursday cast, friday props AND ALL DAY SATURDAY cast.
I'm going to have to cut this into two parts, because as you can tell im working on both props, and acting.....
CAST REHEARSAL
So i participate in 3 numbers. The opening ( downtown), suddenly seimour, and the finale.
Now that we're mostly done with coreagraphing and vocals, we're runningthrough,, working on transitions, costumes, and facial expressions. (which is hard to do while you're singing by the way)
Though a lot of work, practices are pretty fun. Especially with Jordan there. Now I just watch him during scenes im not part of (which is most) [ and not in a creepy stalker way! like in an im in the audience kind of way.....] and in the scenes where he's dead (he plays Mr Mushnik.) i lean on him. perfect balance... oh and then during my lunch break i usually go work on the plant.... which brings us to
PROPS!
Originally our plan had been to rent the Audrey II's from another school.... only problem was that when we recieved them they were crap... and when i say crap i mean shit.... so Irene, and Mrs Jensen (Andrea) decided to redo them. By scratch
We are so far finished Audrey II v. 1 and 2. and are spray painting Audrey II v. 3 now. This past week I've mostly been working on V. 4. Which in insidentally the huge pplant that eats everyone.
The thing about this plant. is that it's so big it takes 3 people jsut to move. And its covered in chiken wire... which cuts everyone up everytime they touch it. So in the past two meetings I've managed to cover the exo skeleton with foam, and stretch nylon. And the borders with duct tape.
Though in the proccess i cut myself several times and burnt the side of my hand until the skin peeled off.... stupid hot glue.
But now it's terrifyingly aweosme. I imagine that in the next few meeting I will be inserting the tongue.... and then possibly painting... though painting and warts has never been my forte..... OR actually you know I'm even more likely to get caught with leaf duty.
See the thing about sewing leaves is that it takes a long time, is extremly difficult and usually ends with you bleeding in some form. However I've apparently been voted by the group best at sewing (thanks irene) and will now probably be stuck with leaves. Blah....
Anyways these practices usually involve us watching bad movies while laughing our heads off about the various stories and misdemeaners of Aavan Ryan and Pickles.
OH! i forgot to mention... you know my weird fascination with writing letters!? well apparently its going to come in handy because we're writing letters to each other (we = musical cast ) for opening night. I'm of course doing mine in caligraphy... :P
Until later,
Jen.
PS I PROMISE Ill tell you more about Jordan after... as soon as i get a chance... which will probably be tomorrow because I have to stay home and babysit andrea again.
So instead of complaining I'm going to follow a more positive approach to the situation and though tiring, explain what exactly it is we do at practices.
Monday's I work on props, and puppets with Mme Cheung (Irene), Tuesday's Cast rehearsals, Wednesday props, thursday cast, friday props AND ALL DAY SATURDAY cast.
I'm going to have to cut this into two parts, because as you can tell im working on both props, and acting.....
CAST REHEARSAL
So i participate in 3 numbers. The opening ( downtown), suddenly seimour, and the finale.
Now that we're mostly done with coreagraphing and vocals, we're runningthrough,, working on transitions, costumes, and facial expressions. (which is hard to do while you're singing by the way)
Though a lot of work, practices are pretty fun. Especially with Jordan there. Now I just watch him during scenes im not part of (which is most) [ and not in a creepy stalker way! like in an im in the audience kind of way.....] and in the scenes where he's dead (he plays Mr Mushnik.) i lean on him. perfect balance... oh and then during my lunch break i usually go work on the plant.... which brings us to
PROPS!
Originally our plan had been to rent the Audrey II's from another school.... only problem was that when we recieved them they were crap... and when i say crap i mean shit.... so Irene, and Mrs Jensen (Andrea) decided to redo them. By scratch
We are so far finished Audrey II v. 1 and 2. and are spray painting Audrey II v. 3 now. This past week I've mostly been working on V. 4. Which in insidentally the huge pplant that eats everyone.
The thing about this plant. is that it's so big it takes 3 people jsut to move. And its covered in chiken wire... which cuts everyone up everytime they touch it. So in the past two meetings I've managed to cover the exo skeleton with foam, and stretch nylon. And the borders with duct tape.
Though in the proccess i cut myself several times and burnt the side of my hand until the skin peeled off.... stupid hot glue.
But now it's terrifyingly aweosme. I imagine that in the next few meeting I will be inserting the tongue.... and then possibly painting... though painting and warts has never been my forte..... OR actually you know I'm even more likely to get caught with leaf duty.
See the thing about sewing leaves is that it takes a long time, is extremly difficult and usually ends with you bleeding in some form. However I've apparently been voted by the group best at sewing (thanks irene) and will now probably be stuck with leaves. Blah....
Anyways these practices usually involve us watching bad movies while laughing our heads off about the various stories and misdemeaners of Aavan Ryan and Pickles.
OH! i forgot to mention... you know my weird fascination with writing letters!? well apparently its going to come in handy because we're writing letters to each other (we = musical cast ) for opening night. I'm of course doing mine in caligraphy... :P
Until later,
Jen.
PS I PROMISE Ill tell you more about Jordan after... as soon as i get a chance... which will probably be tomorrow because I have to stay home and babysit andrea again.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The Comedy Of Errors
okay not only was watching a reenactment of shakespear awesome... but it was a 21st century spin to shakespear... i mean there was a transvestite singing put a ring on it.... pchya. So yes the play was aweosme.... thing was ERIN WAS THERE!!!!!
there was clearly another school attending and i had a feeling it was john mcCrea and turns out ERIN WAS THERE!!! GAH... so Rhuddie and I (Jordan = Rhuddie) were all like HI and she was like "HEY i miss yo- WAIT did i miss soemthing? why are you holding hands? are you going out again ??!??!??! " it was quite funny. after the play, our little group... of Jordan, Bailey Matty, and a few other people GOT LOST!!! the rest of our class had left and we had no idea where to go... so finally jordan ended up navigating the NAC to get us to the bus. That was actually scary ( that and that Bailey had Mr Monchezuki on the phone ? )
Point being it was a great day.
Though speaking of theater, OUR MUSICAL IS IN CRUNCH TIME!!!! this means that there are practices EVERY night after school and saturdays! Yes it's great seeing that much of Rhuddie ( he really is an amazing guy I'll have to fill ya'll in later) but It is just soooo tiring! all that dancing and singing and staying up late and DANCING!!!
speaking of DANCING! today i ended up coreagraphing 1 and a half minutes of don't rain on my parade for 5 people, and it's awesome. Im very proud cause we went from behind everyone to WAY ahead :P we only have like 20 seconds left until we're done!!!
pfff..... anyways my energy levels have officially run out for the day, and am now going to sleep.... nighty night!!
Jen
there was clearly another school attending and i had a feeling it was john mcCrea and turns out ERIN WAS THERE!!! GAH... so Rhuddie and I (Jordan = Rhuddie) were all like HI and she was like "HEY i miss yo- WAIT did i miss soemthing? why are you holding hands? are you going out again ??!??!??! " it was quite funny. after the play, our little group... of Jordan, Bailey Matty, and a few other people GOT LOST!!! the rest of our class had left and we had no idea where to go... so finally jordan ended up navigating the NAC to get us to the bus. That was actually scary ( that and that Bailey had Mr Monchezuki on the phone ? )
Point being it was a great day.
Though speaking of theater, OUR MUSICAL IS IN CRUNCH TIME!!!! this means that there are practices EVERY night after school and saturdays! Yes it's great seeing that much of Rhuddie ( he really is an amazing guy I'll have to fill ya'll in later) but It is just soooo tiring! all that dancing and singing and staying up late and DANCING!!!
speaking of DANCING! today i ended up coreagraphing 1 and a half minutes of don't rain on my parade for 5 people, and it's awesome. Im very proud cause we went from behind everyone to WAY ahead :P we only have like 20 seconds left until we're done!!!
pfff..... anyways my energy levels have officially run out for the day, and am now going to sleep.... nighty night!!
Jen
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
insert title of choice
Though my life has yet to calm down... actually now that i think about it, it seems to have gotten busyer... anyways not the point. The point is after hours and hours of practices, and group meetings for the musical, i have gotten a lot closer to Jordan*, and today, at lunch, he asked me out, and i replied yes.
I'm happy, i really like him, and i think it'll work out better than the last ass-that-shall-remain-unamed. For once im with "the good guy" and frankly he's a lot more fun to be with.
HAHAHA I JUST REALIZED i basically just summed up the message of the little shop of horrors (our musical) though i hope we won't get eaten by a crazy alien plant :P if you don't get the referance watch the musical.
Anyways i have to go write an essay
JEN
*you know jordan. Yes, the same one from grade 8... though then i wasn't prepared to face a real relationship compared to now... anyways GET BACK TO READING
I'm happy, i really like him, and i think it'll work out better than the last ass-that-shall-remain-unamed. For once im with "the good guy" and frankly he's a lot more fun to be with.
HAHAHA I JUST REALIZED i basically just summed up the message of the little shop of horrors (our musical) though i hope we won't get eaten by a crazy alien plant :P if you don't get the referance watch the musical.
Anyways i have to go write an essay
JEN
*you know jordan. Yes, the same one from grade 8... though then i wasn't prepared to face a real relationship compared to now... anyways GET BACK TO READING
Saturday, April 10, 2010
the highway of time
Most people consider time as a line, stretching on forever and going back as far as we can tell... but a straight line is always consistant, time is not.
At one point time seems to crawl by at such a tiresome pace its unbearable, and other times it seems you don't have enough hours in a day.
So i consider time more like a highway. Sometime the road speeds by, and others (traffic) barely move at all. Currently I'm on the Queensway and just speeding up. It seems that all of a sudden everything is pilling up faster and faster and i dont have enough time to balance it all.
All week i've been working on the musical and in my "spare time" doing homework. I've had to write newspaper articles, edit them, and create a newspaper. on top of studying to mid terms and EQAO. My life has been so hectic so many deadlines closing in I've been going non stop for the past week and a half. So after my saturday practices (2 at the same time) one from 10 to 4 and another from 11 to 3 30. bouncing back and forth during intermisions and breaks. I worked more on my essay for english. Then on my newspaper. And yet tomorrow; my "relaxing" day I have to finish the newspaper, write the perfect outline for my essay, AND do a few practice runs for EQAO.
ugh. And also I'vev been having this knawing erge to write lately and i simply haven't had the time, which is inconvinient because i am rarely in this sort of mood. I would write now, instead of blogging only i know i won't have enough time to really get into it, and they I'd have to tear myself away again and i ablsolutely hate that, especially because I'm at such a volatile state in the novel itself.
Anyways.
Going to sleep.
Jen
At one point time seems to crawl by at such a tiresome pace its unbearable, and other times it seems you don't have enough hours in a day.
So i consider time more like a highway. Sometime the road speeds by, and others (traffic) barely move at all. Currently I'm on the Queensway and just speeding up. It seems that all of a sudden everything is pilling up faster and faster and i dont have enough time to balance it all.
All week i've been working on the musical and in my "spare time" doing homework. I've had to write newspaper articles, edit them, and create a newspaper. on top of studying to mid terms and EQAO. My life has been so hectic so many deadlines closing in I've been going non stop for the past week and a half. So after my saturday practices (2 at the same time) one from 10 to 4 and another from 11 to 3 30. bouncing back and forth during intermisions and breaks. I worked more on my essay for english. Then on my newspaper. And yet tomorrow; my "relaxing" day I have to finish the newspaper, write the perfect outline for my essay, AND do a few practice runs for EQAO.
ugh. And also I'vev been having this knawing erge to write lately and i simply haven't had the time, which is inconvinient because i am rarely in this sort of mood. I would write now, instead of blogging only i know i won't have enough time to really get into it, and they I'd have to tear myself away again and i ablsolutely hate that, especially because I'm at such a volatile state in the novel itself.
Anyways.
Going to sleep.
Jen
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
gah april
April... the month that everything from the last year gets tied up and put away, and new things start to emerge. FRankly i hate the month.
This past easter weekend, i spent the entire 4 days at the cottage packing it up so that my grama can sell it. So no more cottage. However I've started talking to justin again, so though we may no longer be going out, i care for him, and he's my friend.
The musical is squishing everything together and pretty soon we'll be presenting the show.
WE have our 2nd last band concert this upcoming weekend.
I'll be going to school every saturday for the rest of the month for one reason or another.
and i'm pushing myself in school.... though i find that the more i push... the less i want to do it.
Initiative is the key *and just so happens to be my power word of the month on my calendar*
I'm tired, stressed... and really really don't want to do all this schoolwork that ive been putting off..... like the newspaper.
back to work
Jen
This past easter weekend, i spent the entire 4 days at the cottage packing it up so that my grama can sell it. So no more cottage. However I've started talking to justin again, so though we may no longer be going out, i care for him, and he's my friend.
The musical is squishing everything together and pretty soon we'll be presenting the show.
WE have our 2nd last band concert this upcoming weekend.
I'll be going to school every saturday for the rest of the month for one reason or another.
and i'm pushing myself in school.... though i find that the more i push... the less i want to do it.
Initiative is the key *and just so happens to be my power word of the month on my calendar*
I'm tired, stressed... and really really don't want to do all this schoolwork that ive been putting off..... like the newspaper.
back to work
Jen
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
My father the Tyrant.
Today was the first day that my dad has been back to work. Let me tell you though he doesn't "ask a lot of us" it still seems a near impossible task to please him.
I was actually proud that this day went so well. i only made one mistake and apparently that cost me my life.
I forgot to tell andrea that i was leaving so she forgot to lock the door. this lead to several minutes manic ranting, which finally lead to me screaming back (i rarely get angry BUT THIS!! I'm sick, i was tired, i made one mistake) so on so forth until he told me to get out. of course he expected me to argue back, beg to stay. hun un. No way. I'm this close to leaving him permanantly anyway, this was just the excuse i needed. so i packed up my stuff and headed out. Just as i got to the driveway my dad told me that if i left he would go jump in front of a train. So i stayed.
The worst part of it is: i know that he's guilt tripping me, I KNOW. But i just can't take that chance. My dad is crazy enough that he'd do it, just to prove a point.
So now my dad gets worse and worse hours, which will lead to worse and worse mood. This is a new chapter in my life... and i have a feeling I'm not going to like it.
Jen
I was actually proud that this day went so well. i only made one mistake and apparently that cost me my life.
I forgot to tell andrea that i was leaving so she forgot to lock the door. this lead to several minutes manic ranting, which finally lead to me screaming back (i rarely get angry BUT THIS!! I'm sick, i was tired, i made one mistake) so on so forth until he told me to get out. of course he expected me to argue back, beg to stay. hun un. No way. I'm this close to leaving him permanantly anyway, this was just the excuse i needed. so i packed up my stuff and headed out. Just as i got to the driveway my dad told me that if i left he would go jump in front of a train. So i stayed.
The worst part of it is: i know that he's guilt tripping me, I KNOW. But i just can't take that chance. My dad is crazy enough that he'd do it, just to prove a point.
So now my dad gets worse and worse hours, which will lead to worse and worse mood. This is a new chapter in my life... and i have a feeling I'm not going to like it.
Jen
Sunday, March 28, 2010
untitled
You know i never realized just how diffibult it was to actually create a newspaper without the articles. For my english group project ( this is why i prefer solo jobs ) we have to write a newspaper for the Macomb TRibune based on some of the events in to kill a mockingbirdby harper lee. So I think the only person that actually did all their work on time is Tara, i have all my research done, and am close to done writing, but im in no was stressing because i can't even start the second part *editing* without the articles of the other group members. What a pain in the ass. Sigh. but i digress, i have much more work to do besides that of the macomb tribune. I have yet to begin my art homework, which i have promised myself would be done monday morning. Also i have math homework, and to finish reading said book. AND if I finish that i can still write, seeing how though i am not behind, do not want to be too far away when my goal does start aproaching (49 days ). I hope to be at chapter 22 by the end of the week if possible.
All this inane work and yet no will power to even begin. There are so little hours in a day, and i spend most of mine wasted on school acctivities. I wish so much that i had no joined the musical. However now the comitment has been made and so i push on. A month left till show time, and a month left till my music concert... only so many practices left, and still the same amount of work. (too much) . Next year, though i will still be considered part of the cast to the musical, i plan on staying in the more offstage compartment, example: art. I will still force myself into band because i do need some extra curiculars, and i want that credit for which i so deserve. I also hope that i get math first semester so that i can take Mr czudners getting ahead math club that teaches gr 11 math to those already finished their course in grade 10. shame that i could not join this year. One thing i love is math, and yet i am caught in the tedious classes of the grade nine curriculem.
Now forcing myself to actually make progress in what little time i have ( onlu about 11 hours) I begin, first i think i shall finish my articles so that my fustration towards my group isnt shallow and naive.
Jen
All this inane work and yet no will power to even begin. There are so little hours in a day, and i spend most of mine wasted on school acctivities. I wish so much that i had no joined the musical. However now the comitment has been made and so i push on. A month left till show time, and a month left till my music concert... only so many practices left, and still the same amount of work. (too much) . Next year, though i will still be considered part of the cast to the musical, i plan on staying in the more offstage compartment, example: art. I will still force myself into band because i do need some extra curiculars, and i want that credit for which i so deserve. I also hope that i get math first semester so that i can take Mr czudners getting ahead math club that teaches gr 11 math to those already finished their course in grade 10. shame that i could not join this year. One thing i love is math, and yet i am caught in the tedious classes of the grade nine curriculem.
Now forcing myself to actually make progress in what little time i have ( onlu about 11 hours) I begin, first i think i shall finish my articles so that my fustration towards my group isnt shallow and naive.
Jen
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tinfoil boxes, and saturday school
First off, the billy talent concert. Though they are my all time fav band, their concert was kind of lame... i actually prefer them on CD. Well... perhaps it was because i was wrapped up in a glass box but... ah i should elaborate.
The night started off i bused to erins house and had the imponderable pleasure of meeting keith, who by the was was actually nothing like i expected him to be. Anyways finally at the scocia bank place we headed up to floor 400. I felt like such a VIP we got to ride in a cold elivator with mirror ceilings. pretty kool. So after that we were escorted to our box... which by the way is one of the coolest things ever. There was a mini fridge, a TV, a bar, and a bathroom like right across the hall. So bassically awesome. Though there was one bad thing about being in a box... the sound. See, because its a box its really high up, and i guess they didn't think about this when setting up the speakers because none reached high enought to make it to where we were siting. Then on top of that the glass muffled what little sound did reach us... though i think they had a few too many subs. ( 34 ) because when they played the glass shook, and so did the room.... i can't imagine what it was like in the pit.... gah! One thing though, the lighting... impressive to say the least. This is where the 2 inside jokes of the day come into play. AS you probably know people with epilepsy arent aloud into billly talent concers... let me tell you why; the lights flashed so much that you could feel your pupils dialating and shrinking. Very trippy. So everytime the lights would get really extreme we could just imagine as the crowd dominoed, falling over from seizures. :P Next was that the lights would flash up and hit our booth a lot so we just laughed like if this was covered in tinfoil we coud blind everyone :D
So four bands played. first one was called Cancer Bats... lets just say they were horrible. the basist was like humping the base the entire time... The next was Against me, they were too bad, and they did have amazing lighting. the best out of all four. Then was Alexisonfire. (i got one of their t shirts along with a billy talent one because it was awesome) finally Billy Talent. The concert started at 6 30 ... they got on at 930. ... lol
So it was an amazing experience if i do say so myself.
As for SAturrday school... no it is not a mistake i mean i went to school on saturday. Most of you out there are probably thinking something along the lines of ew, or what a loser... however those who went to school on saturday before know hoe much fun it is. The teachers are completely let loose and basically the entire day is just one massive party. DAncing down the halls while singing musicals, eating pizza, and watchign avatar all the while "working" on art projects. Even the teacher joined in on the party. It was probably one of the funniest things ive ever seen. WE actually did do some work though. The Audrey II second plant is now almost finished, and the basic corps of the Audrey II third version is on its way.
However no i must draw the bottom corner of an alice and wonderland piece, and write a bunch of articles for english clas.
Can't wait,
Jen
The night started off i bused to erins house and had the imponderable pleasure of meeting keith, who by the was was actually nothing like i expected him to be. Anyways finally at the scocia bank place we headed up to floor 400. I felt like such a VIP we got to ride in a cold elivator with mirror ceilings. pretty kool. So after that we were escorted to our box... which by the way is one of the coolest things ever. There was a mini fridge, a TV, a bar, and a bathroom like right across the hall. So bassically awesome. Though there was one bad thing about being in a box... the sound. See, because its a box its really high up, and i guess they didn't think about this when setting up the speakers because none reached high enought to make it to where we were siting. Then on top of that the glass muffled what little sound did reach us... though i think they had a few too many subs. ( 34 ) because when they played the glass shook, and so did the room.... i can't imagine what it was like in the pit.... gah! One thing though, the lighting... impressive to say the least. This is where the 2 inside jokes of the day come into play. AS you probably know people with epilepsy arent aloud into billly talent concers... let me tell you why; the lights flashed so much that you could feel your pupils dialating and shrinking. Very trippy. So everytime the lights would get really extreme we could just imagine as the crowd dominoed, falling over from seizures. :P Next was that the lights would flash up and hit our booth a lot so we just laughed like if this was covered in tinfoil we coud blind everyone :D
So four bands played. first one was called Cancer Bats... lets just say they were horrible. the basist was like humping the base the entire time... The next was Against me, they were too bad, and they did have amazing lighting. the best out of all four. Then was Alexisonfire. (i got one of their t shirts along with a billy talent one because it was awesome) finally Billy Talent. The concert started at 6 30 ... they got on at 930. ... lol
So it was an amazing experience if i do say so myself.
As for SAturrday school... no it is not a mistake i mean i went to school on saturday. Most of you out there are probably thinking something along the lines of ew, or what a loser... however those who went to school on saturday before know hoe much fun it is. The teachers are completely let loose and basically the entire day is just one massive party. DAncing down the halls while singing musicals, eating pizza, and watchign avatar all the while "working" on art projects. Even the teacher joined in on the party. It was probably one of the funniest things ive ever seen. WE actually did do some work though. The Audrey II second plant is now almost finished, and the basic corps of the Audrey II third version is on its way.
However no i must draw the bottom corner of an alice and wonderland piece, and write a bunch of articles for english clas.
Can't wait,
Jen
Thursday, March 25, 2010
miracle or what!?
Okay a few short hours ago i nearly died, or awesome.
Yes my day was so awesome, that i nearly died. and that was jsut the beginning, tommorrow will be even better.
LEt me elaborate;
3 large factors are in play.
1. For the past few weeks in art class we have been re creating alice in wonderland posters. but painted... thing is i absolutely hate painting. So anyways... i haven't been able to get the clouds right... after weeks of trying to use a small brush for detail, then a fur brush for texture, then a round brush for wispy ness.... i still wasnt getting it, until today. The non menacing clouds became menacing, by use a long fake bristle flat brush.... not what i would have expected but still great. So problem solved. though i discovered this only at the end of class and still have to re pain the whole sky. ( by the way when these are done im going to post the pics here)
2. today was a half day so i got to spend the entire afternoon hanging out with friends.
3rd and most important. when i got home erin spazzed at me, and demanded i check my fb messages, i did, and turns out: I'M GOING TO THE BILLY TALENT CONCERT TOMORROW NIGHT!!! billy talent is by far my favourite band, i mean out of any concert ive ever wanted to go to it would have been this one. ERin and i have been listening to billy talent in her basement rocking out since grade 3 when their 1st album came out. i mean huge fans we are. So, erin managed to score 2 extra box seats to the concert, and of course she thought of me, and keith. perfect i must say. So not only am i going to the bestest concert ever, but i am also going with friends. Usually i don't buy product at concerts... however tomorrow i plan on making an exception because i NEED a billy T t shirt :D :D
SO yes dying of awesome.
Now the reason tommorrow i will probably have a heart attack is because i will be able to finish my stupid ass painting, get out of school again early (half day) and GO to the concert with erin. I'm sorry but miracle or what?
Jen
Yes my day was so awesome, that i nearly died. and that was jsut the beginning, tommorrow will be even better.
LEt me elaborate;
3 large factors are in play.
1. For the past few weeks in art class we have been re creating alice in wonderland posters. but painted... thing is i absolutely hate painting. So anyways... i haven't been able to get the clouds right... after weeks of trying to use a small brush for detail, then a fur brush for texture, then a round brush for wispy ness.... i still wasnt getting it, until today. The non menacing clouds became menacing, by use a long fake bristle flat brush.... not what i would have expected but still great. So problem solved. though i discovered this only at the end of class and still have to re pain the whole sky. ( by the way when these are done im going to post the pics here)
2. today was a half day so i got to spend the entire afternoon hanging out with friends.
3rd and most important. when i got home erin spazzed at me, and demanded i check my fb messages, i did, and turns out: I'M GOING TO THE BILLY TALENT CONCERT TOMORROW NIGHT!!! billy talent is by far my favourite band, i mean out of any concert ive ever wanted to go to it would have been this one. ERin and i have been listening to billy talent in her basement rocking out since grade 3 when their 1st album came out. i mean huge fans we are. So, erin managed to score 2 extra box seats to the concert, and of course she thought of me, and keith. perfect i must say. So not only am i going to the bestest concert ever, but i am also going with friends. Usually i don't buy product at concerts... however tomorrow i plan on making an exception because i NEED a billy T t shirt :D :D
SO yes dying of awesome.
Now the reason tommorrow i will probably have a heart attack is because i will be able to finish my stupid ass painting, get out of school again early (half day) and GO to the concert with erin. I'm sorry but miracle or what?
Jen
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Positivity
I hate how people can be so negative all the time. No matter what it is they are always complaining. I'm upset enough as it is with the poor excuse for a march break, and now that my perfectly planned life's a shambles. Not even me, but everyone around the world, everyone has their share of problems, we have so much wrong with our world today, right now. It's hard to look on the bright side, to get out of bed in the morning and smile. But there is no excuse for polluting the negative poisons. And that is exactly what a lot of people do.
There's absolutely nothing that you can do to change all the negativity people bring up, but they bring it up anyway. They not only pollute their mind but the minds of those who'll sit long enough to listen. My family is full of negative people. My dad being the king of them all. If it's not complaining about the governement or his own children, he's complaining about the apocalyse, religion, drivers, armageddon. I'm trying to get through life one day at a time without my dads constant complaints. Nothing is ever good enough for him, and he's made that very clear that i am part of that catagory.
So he talks and talks and talks, and whenever you even ask him to stop for five minutes he just complains that you're bing disrespectful... Whatever excuse he can muster up he will use. I try to look on the bright outlook on life... but sometimes that is very difficult to do, especially when im always surrounded by such... NEGATIVITY! So i made this blog so i could comaplain, so that i wouldn't be polluting my friends' minds, because to tell you the truth they are really the only thing positive i have in my life right now. My brain, and my friends, and that is it!
I try to just ignore my dad, but talking is never good enough for him. He has to argue all the time. Once i was reading a book, fiction of course, about demons, and my dad went on the longest rant ive ever heard about how it was polluting the universe crap liek that was the downall of humanity, and how i should be reading into things that were actually relevant. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO GET AWAY FROM THIS SHIT ASS WORLD FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!! Most of my books, the good ones i read so that i can get away from how messed up the world really is. That is why i hate reality books, non fiction, history, and frankly even mysteries.
Music and reading are my escape from like but my dad had to even take that away. Whenever something suits him, its okay but the moment he's in a funk everyone has to pay for it. Fact is that with my dad, he's always in a funk. For appearances sake he's all fine to everyone else, but he seriously never shuts up unless he's complaining, or yelling, or arguing. It's absurd. and completely irrational. So i don't know what to do half the time. I used to yell back, i used to argue, stand up for myself, but over the years ive been worn down until now... i rarely even feel the emotions. I just stay calm, dont say anything so he just goes on and on, and i can't even stand up for my beliefs. But i know that it's worse if i do. So i stay quite and i ride it out, even if i didn't do anything.
Some times, times like these, i just loose it. I can't stand how negative he is all the time, so i go off and hide in my room and blog.... and well it doens't always work. Sometimes it gets me in more trouble, but you know what i HAVE to get it out of my system. I have to. Is it so wrong that i dont want to talk about the end of the world, and people dying out and becoming cannibals for a fight for survival against the rest of humanity while im sitting at diner?? Is it so wrong that i try to see the good in humanity where ever i can? I try, and some times it's extremely difficult. But my friends are always there a perfect example. Not even only my old ones, but my new ones aswell, even my friends from LDHSS have no idea how much they do for me everyday. I pick my friends because of their unique outlooks on life. and though most of them don't know it, they probably all keep me out of depressions day to day. Whenever im down they are almost always there to cheer me up again and some times they dont even do it on purpose.
Now i admit, i must be a hard friend to have, and some times im just way too beyond reach, so i stay to myself. It's hard in the world we have today to be possitive. I'm trying.
Positivity moves millions
Negativity takes down 2 or 3.
Jen
There's absolutely nothing that you can do to change all the negativity people bring up, but they bring it up anyway. They not only pollute their mind but the minds of those who'll sit long enough to listen. My family is full of negative people. My dad being the king of them all. If it's not complaining about the governement or his own children, he's complaining about the apocalyse, religion, drivers, armageddon. I'm trying to get through life one day at a time without my dads constant complaints. Nothing is ever good enough for him, and he's made that very clear that i am part of that catagory.
So he talks and talks and talks, and whenever you even ask him to stop for five minutes he just complains that you're bing disrespectful... Whatever excuse he can muster up he will use. I try to look on the bright outlook on life... but sometimes that is very difficult to do, especially when im always surrounded by such... NEGATIVITY! So i made this blog so i could comaplain, so that i wouldn't be polluting my friends' minds, because to tell you the truth they are really the only thing positive i have in my life right now. My brain, and my friends, and that is it!
I try to just ignore my dad, but talking is never good enough for him. He has to argue all the time. Once i was reading a book, fiction of course, about demons, and my dad went on the longest rant ive ever heard about how it was polluting the universe crap liek that was the downall of humanity, and how i should be reading into things that were actually relevant. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO GET AWAY FROM THIS SHIT ASS WORLD FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!! Most of my books, the good ones i read so that i can get away from how messed up the world really is. That is why i hate reality books, non fiction, history, and frankly even mysteries.
Music and reading are my escape from like but my dad had to even take that away. Whenever something suits him, its okay but the moment he's in a funk everyone has to pay for it. Fact is that with my dad, he's always in a funk. For appearances sake he's all fine to everyone else, but he seriously never shuts up unless he's complaining, or yelling, or arguing. It's absurd. and completely irrational. So i don't know what to do half the time. I used to yell back, i used to argue, stand up for myself, but over the years ive been worn down until now... i rarely even feel the emotions. I just stay calm, dont say anything so he just goes on and on, and i can't even stand up for my beliefs. But i know that it's worse if i do. So i stay quite and i ride it out, even if i didn't do anything.
Some times, times like these, i just loose it. I can't stand how negative he is all the time, so i go off and hide in my room and blog.... and well it doens't always work. Sometimes it gets me in more trouble, but you know what i HAVE to get it out of my system. I have to. Is it so wrong that i dont want to talk about the end of the world, and people dying out and becoming cannibals for a fight for survival against the rest of humanity while im sitting at diner?? Is it so wrong that i try to see the good in humanity where ever i can? I try, and some times it's extremely difficult. But my friends are always there a perfect example. Not even only my old ones, but my new ones aswell, even my friends from LDHSS have no idea how much they do for me everyday. I pick my friends because of their unique outlooks on life. and though most of them don't know it, they probably all keep me out of depressions day to day. Whenever im down they are almost always there to cheer me up again and some times they dont even do it on purpose.
Now i admit, i must be a hard friend to have, and some times im just way too beyond reach, so i stay to myself. It's hard in the world we have today to be possitive. I'm trying.
Positivity moves millions
Negativity takes down 2 or 3.
Jen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
